It still pisses me off that no matter how hard I diet, I can never be under 110 pounds. Like I said, as soon as I hit down at 108-109, I stop shitting and am back to at least 110 in a couple of days cuz of it. My body just totally rejects the idea of being under 110. So even though I’d rather work at getting to 100, I have to work at staying at the 110-marker so I don’t get constipated.

Tom went to those award ceremonies Tuesday, and is one of the top 10 out of 500 to get an award for his great work! He deserves it after all the hours they’ve made a slave of him.

Later...

I’m kind of bored right now. I did the laundry, did some writing, and did some reading, but there’s only so much of these things I can do. There’s just not much to do till we move and I can really concentrate on story-writing, among other things.

Tom’s mom’s going to Michigan to stay with her sister for 4-5 days. Mary’s gonna accompany her.

I can’t say I’m too shocked that next door’s been pretty mellow since the ranchero blasted in last Tuesday cuz of the offer we got. I’m not saying people didn’t bang in and out that I didn’t hear, or that I won’t hear any more from them while we’re here, but I don’t expect to be hearing that much from them now that we’re moving. Labor Day will be a circus, but other than that, God knows we’re moving, so you know how he is with neighbors right before I move. He usually tones them down at the last minute. Anyway, sometimes the cream pickup is on the street all day, sometimes it’s not. I’ve seen the red car a few times and the blue pickup once.

I’ve noticed a pattern - that things seem to have a better chance of working out for me the second time around. Not only did the Nicorette work for me the second time around, but so did the Melatonin. Makes me wonder if God would allow me to conceive if I started trying to again if I wanted a kid again someday, cuz if I’m not worthy of that in his eyes by now, I never will be. I better hope I stay not wanting a kid, though, cuz that’d make me feel all the angrier at God if I tried again after coming so far only to be denied that again. That’d make me feel all the more that he hated me and was controlling me and punishing me for some reason. Even if he would OK it, Tom wouldn’t. You can’t conceive with a guy who almost never cums, and who cums at the wrong time only. At least that’s the way it’s been since I stopped wanting a kid. Just think, deep down, he had to have been thrilled when I stopped wanting a kid, not that he’d ever come out and say so. Therefore, he took my change of desire to his advantage so he could practically quit cumming altogether.