We screwed earlier and now he’s glued to the TV.

You know, I really realized something big time today. He’s happy the way he is in bed. He’s never complained, let alone wanted to see a doctor or try stimulants. He says he enjoys it and that he’d tell me if he didn’t, so yes, he really does like things the way they are sex-wise.

For the longest time, I didn’t see how he could get as excited as he does, get no relief, then say he enjoys sex. But then it hit me that just because I couldn’t enjoy sex if I got that close to cumming but didn’t, and just because most people wouldn’t be happy with that, doesn’t mean he can’t be happy with just getting excited. Who am I to say what should or shouldn’t make him happy? Only he can know how he feels and what makes him happy and I truly believe he’s been honest about that much. Yes, I still believe he’s afraid to cum for fear of impregnating me, but he’s still happy. The only thing I fear is my returning to wanting a kid sometime down the road, but as I told him - his sexual satisfaction is more important than anything I could ever want. I don’t want him to change. I want him to be himself and be happy, and he’s plenty worth giving up something I may want that would only make me miserable and that God wouldn’t allow me to have anyway. So, no doctors, no stimulants, no in-vitro. Besides, it’s not definite that I’ll go back to wanting a kid, and whether or not I did, I’ve got a million other things I want and if I didn’t, I’m sure I could get them.

As for myself, I don’t enjoy sex, so to speak, but it’s certainly no turn-off to me. I don’t get as excited as he does and I certainly don’t cum, but as I told him, it’d still be nice for him to go down on me every now and then, cuz at this day and age, that’s the easiest way for me to get off. Any other way takes me forever. So, it’s not that I can’t get off, it just takes so long. I choose not to so I don’t take forever and cuz I don’t want to be the “man” in bed. With most couples, the guy gets off more, and I feel weird about getting off more than he does, being the woman. With most things, I don’t mind being different. I even like it. However, I don’t want to be that different in bed. We’re already unique enough in that department, but it’s not like we don’t cum at all. I use the vibrator fairly regularly enough, and I’m sure he takes care of himself.

There is something he’s willingly changed for me in bed, and I really appreciate it and his accommodating me on this. That’s that he’s only spending a few minutes on the side. That really helps, cuz I never did like that position all that much. Not like with him on top. It’s just too unnatural of an angle for me and causes me to feel pressure spots in my lower gut.

For the sake of my inquisitive nature, I’m still not going to mention cumming at least till we’ve been in the house a few months and are settled. It’s one thing for me to say that not talking about how he is in bed won’t change him, especially if he’s happy and if he likes not cumming, but it’s another to see it. So, let’s see me be right about it. I know it won’t change anything, now let’s see it. Again, I don’t want to change him and make him not be himself and make him unhappy. I just don’t want to ever want a kid again, cuz despite all the technology available today, nothing can help me. I’ve got too many odds stacked against me. But why doesn’t God have something go wrong where I need a hysterectomy? What do I need my parts for?

Later...

I just thought of something else, too. How am I ever gonna know for sure if he likes not cumming due to his fear of me getting pregnant? I mean, I’m 98% sure that that’s why he likes not cumming, but what if there’s a 2% chance it’s something else, and what else could it be? Could he not be attracted to me? Could it be something I’ve never even thought of? People usually like what they like for a reason.

Well, he definitely prefers sexual pleasure over a kid. No doubt about it. He’s never once on his own openly expressed a desire for a kid. Not like I used to. I really firmly believe that if he had to choose between giving up his sexual satisfaction for a kid, or keeping it and giving up the kid, he’d take the sexual pleasure in a heartbeat. He definitely does like to not cum. He definitely does not want a kid. I’ll bet you that if I never mentioned a kid again in my life, he’d never bring it up again and he’d never give a moment’s thought to if I could be wanting a kid deep down inside. This is the one area he’s thought of himself first, but that’s OK as long as he never takes me for granted. What I mean is that most women would not sacrifice a kid for a guy. Most women would leave him if they wanted a kid, so I just hope he’s always appreciative of the big thing I’ve done for him just like I’m appreciative of the big things he’s done for me.