I’m an idiot for having too much faith in this medication and getting the dress I got in Hawaii in a medium instead of a large. It still fits fine, but I really thought this medication was going to help me in the end. Had I gotten a large, though, I could’ve enjoyed it longer until the plus sizes became a must. 

The carpet now has just a few hours left to live, yay! We’ll start clearing out the rooms in a few hours. 

I crashed at 3pm and awoke at 8pm and immediately thought – this is way too early to be up. Then I mentally cussed out God for cursing me with this sleep disorder, wondering just who the hell’s sleep I supposedly fucked with to deserve it, and why everything else I’ve had or have isn’t enough. So then I formed a mental image of an average guy, considered it God, and started kicking and punching like crazy. Eventually, I fell back asleep beating up “God,” and didn’t get up till 11:00. It’s still going to be a long day, but not as long as 8:00 would’ve been. They left a message confirming that they’ll be here between 8am - 10am. 

For once I had fun, romantic dreams instead of negative ones. I only had one scary one. But instead of being trapped somewhere – jails, hospitals, hotels and dumpy places, I was young again, living for the moment instead of worrying about the future, and in the beginnings of a serious relationship with a gorgeous woman. I love dreams like this cuz it’s a way of having affairs and adding variety to my life to spice things up without actually stepping out on the one I love. 

What was weird about the dream was that I saw it through her eyes as well as my own. The woman was tall and German, though it wasn’t Nane. She had brown hair and blue eyes. She read my journal in which I mentioned wanting to marry her, buy some land somewhere, and buy a modular, which is what I live in in real life (a house built on a steel frame allowing it to be moved). 

I knew she read about my dreams and desires but she didn’t know I knew. Sure enough, though, she bought us a few acres on a country hillside and we picked out and designed the modular we wanted, having certain things custom-made to our order. 

In the scary dream, I was either living in or temporarily staying in an apartment. At least I think it was an apartment and not a house, which Jesse might’ve owned. It wasn’t dumpy, though. As I was returning from wherever, a guy (security guard?) swiped a card by the door and looked all confused when these green digital letters said: Accessed. 

“No one’s been inside, have they?” I asked. 

He shrugged and said he didn’t know. I then went inside and noticed certain doors that I’d left open were now shut. I then started shouting, “Who are you?!” as I ran and flung open doors, ready to slam my fist into anyone that may jump out at me.