What a shitty day this is so far. I know it’s probably wrong of me to bitch to others about Nane, but I just need to vent, I guess, and it will be done in places she won’t know about. First, I’m dog tired (the carpet will probably be installed the week after next instead of next week so I can at least flip my schedule), then next door startles me by slamming out at 7:30, and then 20 minutes later they returned. How many times will I have to listen to them slam in and out today? Yesterday they were much quieter than I thought they’d be, but they really annoy me at times. 

Even worse is that I'm totally torn as far as what to do about Nane and the games she seems to be playing with me for the last year or so. This doesn’t seem like a simple case of miscommunication or indecisiveness. Unless I’m being paranoid, she really seems to be jerking me around and I’m getting fed up. If my suspicions are correct, is this just funny to her? Or is she trying to get me to dump her? Believe me, I don’t have a problem with dumping those who lie, play games, judge me, try to control or push me into something I’m not interested in, or accuse me of lying when I’m in fact being very truthful. Yes, you offend and risk losing someone when you say one thing and do another. When you can’t do the simplest of things they may ask of you after they’ve been considerate of you. When you defend their perps and knowingly and intentionally go out of your way to annoy or piss them off. I’m sorry but that’s not being a true friend. True friends don’t do these things. They respect and accept each other as they are and they don’t go back on their word without a damn good reason and 4 times in less than a year. 

I can see having a misunderstanding here and there, and I know people change their minds at times, but when a pattern forms I get suspicious. I can play kiss and makeup once like we did in 2010, but now I feel like she’s doing the exact same thing she accused me of – messing with her head. But she was wrong about me so maybe I’m wrong about her. I’m not sure what to think at this point. There are only so many times I have the patience, desire and tolerance to forgive someone for the same old shit. Once or twice maybe. But this is the fourth time I’m saying to myself. “Eh, she changed her mind. People do that and that’s their right, isn’t it?” 

First I was “welcomed to be her guest” if I won a trip to Germany as long as I understood there would be no intimacy cuz of Askim. Now I must stay in a hotel. Why? Oh, that’s because first, she was going to give me her address so I could send her a postcard from Hawaii after she was supposed to give me her phone number so I could call her and we could chat just once, but NOW she says she doesn’t give her address or phone number to people. Then after I failed to receive the postcard she said she sent from Hamburg, she said she’d “try again” from TR. So I told her this morning I hadn’t gotten anything yet and her reply was “Hahaha, that’s because this time I never sent any postcards at all.” 

What, is this funny to her or something? Or am I the one misunderstanding her? 

I’m so torn as far as what to do about her. It’d be so easy just to cut ties and be done with her, but I hesitate in case I really am misunderstanding or there’s more to it than I realize. IDK, maybe there’s something going on I don’t know about. If I confront her she'll probably get all defensive and maybe even dump me before I get a chance to make up my mind about whether or not I want to dump her. So… do I deal with her going back on her word, or do I cut her loose? Damn, this is tough! 

Later… 

Ignoring Nane was easier said than done, as it always is, and I replied to her next message. We exchange messages, sometimes in real-time, sometimes not, an average of 3 times a week and that’s pretty much what I’m used to. I didn’t hesitate, though, to let her know that she really confuses and frustrates me at times when she goes back and forth on things. 

I guess that since she’s been to Turkey so many times it doesn’t seem exciting to send postcards from there, but promises to send one from Greece if I quit laughing at her shitty weather, LOL. I told her that it’s up to her. I don’t want to sound like a pushy beggar. 

Anyway, today was just an overall blah day. I was tired from lack of sleep, pissed that the carpet will be delayed, my knee pain returned, and then next door was getting on my nerves a bit with the door slamming. Not as bad as they did two days ago, though, and they only came and went twice that I know of. 

Another thing to irritate me was that LiveJournal needlessly rearranged their site like they seem to love to do about once a year, and now I have to get used to yet another new setup that seems totally pointless. Sure enough, it wasn’t without bugs either. I couldn’t submit an entry, but later on it did go through. 

I got curious and created another Kiwibox account to contact Andre from and ask why I was unable to access my other one. He said others are having the same issue and they’re trying to figure it out. Something about my session getting stuck in the Memcache which Tom understood better than I did. I think I get the basic idea, though. 

Another thing to piss me off is that Molly seems to have found my Prosebox account and is having a fellow group homie check it for her since she’s not allowed to be online unless she’s got more than one device. I’ve seen this visitor on my tracker a few times before but since Prosebox is a very popular site, Austin is a big city, and the person was using a Mac, I didn’t think much of it. But today I pulled up both this visitor and one I know for sure is from her and they were both in the same exact location in downtown Austin. Now what are the odds of it being someone else? Really, I’d like to know if the few people who are now allowed access to any of my blogs think it’s a coincidence, cuz I sure don’t, big city or not. 

I’m not really all that surprised she found me, as that’s what stalkers do. Yeah, well, I stalked back and searched Prosebox for new accounts of hers, since this nut creates accounts faster than I change clothes, and then I blocked what I thought was her for good measure. One thing about Molly is that she’s always been predictable. I found one account with a username and book title (no entries) that sounded a lot like names she would use and has used in the past. 

IDK, maybe this visitor was totally unrelated, since she usually circles all the blogs she can when checking up on me, and LiveJournal showed no visits. She can still go to that particular blog and show up on my tracker without being able to read anything because I coded the blog’s entire interface. 

Maybe that’s why, though. Maybe she didn’t want to show up on LiveJournal on the Mac device for fear of me knowing it was her or a friend of hers, even though she’s always loved to rub her presence in my face in the past. 

Some may wonder what the harm is if she can read my stuff but not contact me, and that’s not the point. The point is simply that I don’t want her to know my business. I may not be the most private person on earth, but that doesn’t mean I want just anyone to know what’s going on with me. 

Despite the fact that I have not contacted her since last fall (and my only reason for it was to try to get her to leave me the hell alone), I don’t think she’ll ever stop trying to read what she can of mine. I know her intentions are to see what I may say about her and a mutual friend of ours and not that she’s interested in anything I have to say. Regardless of the reason, this sick bitch isn’t going to go away unless I do. 

I wonder if she found my Ask account? I can’t track that site so I wouldn’t know. It used to be that you’d have to reblock users there weekly to keep them blocked, but her account is still blocked. If she contacts me through Andy, I’m out of there and no, I’m not going to just create a new Ask account. Those accounts are googlable and no matter how careful you may be with what you say, stalkers are witty and know what keywords to look for. She’s had over a decade of practice. Andy and I can use Histofme if I ever know for sure she knows of my Ask account. It’s a totally different setup, but it will do. We can protect our accounts there. 

Later… 

In funny news, Ida finally picked up my message and blocked me. 

In frustrating news, I know this sounds horribly selfish of me and I know it’s not fair to blame Alison, but sometimes I really wish she’d stop having so many damn problems so I wouldn’t have to go so long between messages from her. Sometimes I just want to ask her opinion on something, like if she thinks that visitor really could be connected to Molly or not, knowing she’s smart and would be a better one to ask almost anything of than most people. But she’s as cursed physically as we were financially. If it isn’t a skin infection, it’s her damn depression. If it isn’t breast cancer then she’s battling the flu. She has had computer issues too, or so she at least says. 

I highly doubt she’s making any of this stuff up, but still… can’t she just be there for me when I want to ask her something or just chat about whatever?