Right now I’m dismayed that Molly is looking for me once a week, sick of waiting on Alison due to all her problems as selfish as that may sound, and wondering what’s up with Nane. 

All Nane said is that in the past few months, she’s had problems with Askim, her job, her mother, and her family, but wouldn’t go into any detail. All she said was that she’d be “all right” again someday. I hate it when people tell me something’s wrong, but don’t say what, leaving me hanging and wondering WTF is up. I knew she’d had problems at work and with Askim, but her family? I thought they were close and got along well. 

Thought I’d discuss some things I told my sister in this entry. She wouldn’t mind. Besides, it’s not like it’s any big secret. I’ve mentioned this in my blog before. 

She said she didn’t know if it meant anything to me or not, but when she was unpacking and getting set up in her new place, she came upon Mom’s old address book. She took a picture proving that while she herself swears she was clueless as to our whereabouts in Maricopa and his family’s info, mom had Tom’s mom’s address. 

No, it doesn't mean anything, I told her. Meaning that this is no big secret or anything like that. Mom and Dad met his mother in 1997 (his dad died in '95) when they drove out to see us. We all met at Red Lobster. They would send holiday cards each year and then when they became estranged to me I asked Tom's family that they cease any contact they may still have with them because it made me uncomfortable in light of our falling out. His mother and sister were very selfish people so I don't know if they complied with my wishes or not. 

But that's not the point, as Tammy knows. The point is that no matter who was involved in what, nothing can ever be done to undo the legal hell I went through on account of the vengeful white-hating welfare bums and their corrupt pig pal. No one's going to pay us back the money we lost on account of them despite being vindicated in May of '03, and no one can ever replace the half a year I lost with my husband or undo the emotional anguish I suffered. 

I highly doubt that Mom and Dad were aware of the legal nightmare I went through until I told them about it in 2007, but remember, one of the perps WAS a pig. Back then they had resources most civilians didn't have when it came to finding people. Once found, I was naive to the law and they took advantage of that. All I can say is that these sick fucks taught me a lot about the law, despite the grim circumstances surrounding it, and no one should ever be able to get me in a similar situation in the future. If ever anyone burns us to such a degree again - and I have no qualms about putting this in print - I WILL literally kill them with my bare little hands. Again, I don't mind saying so in print for anyone to see because I decided years ago that if I'm ever to go down again it will be because of something I truly DID do and not words on paper that I was made to look like I wrote/sent. I normally look down on the idea of revenge and consider it stooping just as low as the instigator, but not if it's big enough. If someone harmed your daughters, I told Tammy, or your husband, you would certainly take that a lot more seriously than if someone spray-painted your car, wouldn't you? 

The lesson learned - never touch anything the cops hand you lest they be getting your prints on something they fabricated. I had NO idea at the time he was a personal friend of hers. No idea. How could I have? Meanwhile, I hope no one out there will refuse to take my promise seriously and screw me over bad enough to make me show them that no, I wasn't kidding, and yes, I really will come after one that knowingly and intentionally tries to turn my life upside down. 

The whole 6 months I was locked up I wished to hell I HAD beaten the bitch's ass or done SOMETHING. I wanted to do so before because I felt that turning the other cheek or just taking their shit through or not through the law was sending the wrong message (one saying it's ok to fuck me over), but I was talked out of it. Never again, though! I really hope there'll never be an "again," though. My husband and I just want to live in peace, you know? But if anyone thinks I'm just gonna throw up my hands and say, "Oh well, shit happens. People wrong us and that's just life," they got another thing coming to them. People have had a habit of not taking me seriously long before the welfare bums came to trample my life. I warned Mom and Dad that I would walk away if they didn't quit their shit, but they obviously either didn't take me seriously or they didn't care. 

Back to the freeloaders. I'm notorious for showing resilience and for overcoming all kinds of things in life, but them and anyone that had a hand in enabling them to screw me, no matter how direct or indirect, will NEVER be forgiven. Hell, I wish those freeloaders and their long-since fired pig pal WOULD come to this door, but at this point, they're not dumb enough to do so because A, I'm in another state, and B, they know damn well that things would play out much differently this time. They're mean and hateful, but not stupid. 

The pig being involved is part of why we left Arizona. To be vindicated in a case that involved civilians only would be one thing, but when a pig is personal friends with them... I think it would've been just a matter of time before they were shooting at the house or something a wee bit much for my fists or temper alone to handle. We never had guns and probably never will. 

Later… 

Continuing on with my discussion with Tammy. First, though, how the hell did she leave that voice post on Facebook like she did? I’d love to be able to do that. 

Either way, I already knew my parents were in touch with Tom’s mom, I just don’t know how long it went on after I ceased all contact with my parents in 1998. 

I should add that I wouldn't go after someone for something small or something they said/wrote. It would have to be something they DID, something big. REAL fucking big. I'm not going to beat the shit out of someone that spilled wine on our new carpet or that bashed me in a blog or something. If anything, the verbal bashing may help up my book sales, LOL. Think Jodi Arias would sell so much of her stupid artwork if people had kind things to say about her? 

What was she doing with Rhoda's address, though? I didn't think she was in touch with much of the extended family. Haven't seen that one since probably my late teens. 

As I also told her, I haven't heard or seen of Lori or Lisa since my early 20s and I don't want to for two reasons that have nothing to do with their asshole father. Lori, one year older than me, and Lisa, one year younger, are my mother’s brother’s daughters. 

One reason I can’t stand them is that when I called them for help when someone was knocking on my first-floor apartment window late at night in '86, they refused to help me. Something like that would piss me off when I got older and I'd be out there confronting the guy in a heartbeat, but back then I was just 18 or 19 and pretty much everything scared me. Mom and Dad were in Florida and Tammy was over an hour away, so I called them and they wouldn't come and get me. They simply told me to call the cops, and I did, but the perp was gone by the time they arrived. Finally got Jenny (my so-called “best” friend from age 9 to about 22) to spend the night once with her BF, then I left her a message the next day and she said her mother told her, "Your daughter called." Really, that was so fucking insulting! I'm not perfect but damn did she do me a favor when she dumped me a year or two later for not being just like her. 

Reason two as far as why I haven't wanted anything to do with Lori and Lisa, not that I could find them, and not that the feeling wouldn’t be mutual, is that they falsely accused me of prank calling them. As an adult, I have no reason to not admit when I'm guilty of something because that admission can't be used against me the way owning up to doing something wrong could get me in trouble as a kid. No one can take away my stereo or ground me for a week as an adult. So if I say I didn't call them, I didn't. I DID call my dad’s brother and his wife, though, as I hated those fuckers for the way they treated me when I stayed with them at the campgrounds in CT and the way Marty later threatened me (right in front of Nana Bella). Again, I got scared in those days, not pissed. God only knows how much prison time I'd have accumulated by now if I were like I am today back then. 

There are basically two reasons I walked away from mom and dad in '98 and that was the constant complaining and the hypocrisy. Anyone who can't accept you as you are doesn’t truly love/care for you if they have to try to pick on and change so much about you. A few complaints here and there, I can see. We can’t please everyone all the time, after all. But they didn’t ask me not to do this, this or that, they demanded like I was still a kid. I put up with their kind when I was young, but later in life, I began to walk away from such control freaks. As they say, those that don't mind matter, those that do mind don’t matter. Especially when they have a problem with literally everything you say and do. 

The other reason was the hypocrisy. It really pissed me the fuck off when she had the nerve to tell me not to stick my nose in family business when she herself was doing the SAME exact thing. I can't stand lies, hypocrisy, control freaks, and phonies, related or not. So that's why I pulled back when I did. 

There were the memories associated with them, too. Every time I would hear my mother’s voice I was reminded that that was the woman who abused me and so on and so forth.