Because I didn’t feel well yesterday, I didn’t do much of anything. I didn’t work out or edit my book, and it took me all day to do my journal entry. Today I’m better but still a little tired. I didn’t sleep as long as I thought I would.

So after the dentist, we went to Sonic for burgers and fries. I began to feel kind of wound up not much later. I’ve noticed that fast food sometimes makes my heart race for an hour or so because my body isn’t used to having rich foods like that every day, especially after I’ve been cutting back as I have, trying to modify calories. I’ve lost a few pounds, though most of it may be water. I got really watery as my body tried to generate a period, couldn’t do it, then gave up and dumped its water. I’m three months late.

Anyway, at first I thought it was just the excitement of seeing the dental staff because going to them is like visiting old friends. But the more my heart raced, my tummy acted up, and I began to feel on edge and experience the hot flashes from hell and some inward trembling sprinkled with racing thoughts from ADD, the more I knew that no amount of burgers, fries and friendly staff would have that effect on me. Sorry, but seeing them isn’t that exciting, and neither is going to Sonic.

Sonic is this place where you pull into a little parking spot and order through a speaker in the menu, then sit there and eat, though there’s no rule that says you can’t take it with you. We ate there, but damn, you can’t even eat outdoors without blasting music. It’s bad enough that they blast music inside stores and restaurants. Yet we had to hear this shitty music blasting from their speaker, so we shut the window despite it being warm and even a touch humid. Flies were bugging us anyway. This was after they corrected our order which they messed up the first time around.

Anyway, I’m sure it’s the usual shit where the perimenopause is kicking up and my medication was fueling it, so I skipped yesterday’s dose. I was slightly on edge, too. Tom and I both believe that if it weren’t for the perimenopause I wouldn’t have a problem with the medication (except for the first time they put me on 75s and then later tried me on 88s), and if I didn’t have perimenopause my meds wouldn’t be an issue. I just wonder how many more fucking years before this cycle ends! I had been doing so much better, too. I’m so fed up with it that I’m likely going to tell the doctor when I see her on my birthday to lower my dose for a while. I’ve also got lung tightness and while this is a bad time for those with allergies and asthma, that right there is a bad sign. Especially when you don’t smoke. I actually took a hit off my inhaler.

It totally figures that when I was super hot flashy it was warm in here. It was one of those rare instances when I wished it was as chilly as it is now. Even in my hoodie, I was chilly on this morning’s walk. It’s supposed to be back in the 90s soon.

My new mouse absolutely sucks. I can’t get it the right speed. It’s either too slow or too jumpy. It has a cute pink and purple abstract design on it but it sucks.

Oh no! I just cost us $600 in dental work, we still need a new roof, and now I can’t get the heat on to take the morning chill out of here. What, are we going to go back to the breakage curse? Back in the 90s to early 00s, I swear our stuff was cursed. Everything was always breaking. Really hope we’re not back on that trend again, although the heater is probably a bit old.

When we got home on Wednesday he replaced an old outlet that had gotten loose to the point that things we would plug into it would start to fall out. It was so funny because there are 12 breakers in the house, and one by one he shut them off but not the one he needed to. He was just about to give up and throw the master switch when breaker number 10 finally did the trick.

This weekend we’ll be replacing the shower massager in the master bathroom.

I had to laugh when I saw a headline about Walmart wanting to come into our homes and stock our refrigerators. Why don’t they try keeping things in stock and not deleting people’s favorites first? Yeah, I was so pissed when I went to order groceries and found they emptied our favorites out. I was smart enough to copy them into a document but there may be a few things missing.

Later…

I can’t get Kathleen off my mind. Like I said, she’s not the most gorgeous person in the world, but by most people’s standards, including mine, she is attractive. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was smoking hot 20 years ago. Either way, she is such a cool person.

Even though it seems extremely unlikely that I could be that bad at reading people, maybe I really was wrong about Stacey and maybe I’m wrong in suspecting that Kathleen likes me. She could just be a very vocal and friendly person with everybody, and she did refer to Jessica one time as being “so cute” like she did with me (Jessica is young like Michaela). Everyone else’s in their 50s except for Shannan. She’s in her 30s.

So maybe there’s no physical attraction at all. This isn’t what my gut tells me, but it doesn’t matter either way. I know how women treat me, which means I know better now than to think we’ll be buddies. No matter how much a woman may seem to like me be it for a friendship or anything more if I was single, I know nothing will happen and that she won’t contact me. I always get blown off. In fact, I’m sure that the next time I see Kathleen she’ll act like a whole different person just like Stacey did in the end. Even if she thought to herself, ok, we’re both married but a simple friendship would be nice, she will have “thought it through.” Somehow, someway, Kathleen is either going to change or move.

In some ways, it may be better that she doesn’t. Yes, a local friend or two may be nice, but I don’t want the potential drama that can come with friends. Getting together with her would be like appointments, thanks to my schedule curse. I may have to struggle to match the time we agreed to get together with my schedule like I do with appointments, even if I wouldn’t expect to agree on a time as far in advance as with appointments.

It’s just a little weird, though, because Stacey said something to the effect of meeting some woman, even if she might not necessarily be in her field. I already met Kathleen at the time she said that, of course. It’s cool to have a journal to look back on and read about the times we saw each other.

I wish I knew her last name so I could look her up. I’ve never found her on any of her coworkers’ friend lists, but I can’t see who the doctor’s friends with.

If I’m right about her having a crush on me, though, why hasn’t she looked me up already, just like I wondered about Stacey? She could have looked up some things without me knowing, but there doesn’t seem to be any way to fool Blogger’s inner stats. No one can access an entry without being detected. Well, if she had a crush on me, wouldn’t she have been curious enough to check out the few entries I currently have on Blogger since our appointment? Or could she have been following me all along? She can’t be following me too closely otherwise she would know I have books for sale and might have even downloaded them, too. So far I’m only at a grand total of three sales.

Another thing that’s strange in a funny kind of way is that she’s been openly “flirting” right in front of Tom if that’s what this really is. Or some of it anyway. I wonder what Tom thinks of her, but I’m not going to put him on the spot and ask. I don’t know that he would tell me anyway. Even though he knows he can trust me, he’s always had a jealous streak in him which has always bothered me.

If I were single I could see myself being interested in her since the only negatives I see so far is that she’s too thin and a little too chatty.

Another thing that’s weird is this is sort of starting to mimic Kinky Kathleen, only “Amantha” suggested they get together when they ran into each other at a store. Let’s hope life doesn’t imitate art too much or else this won’t end well at all.

There’s no way in hell I can get my ass into the body-shaping bodysuit I just got, and while I could wear the corset, I would feel like I was trapped in some kind of medieval torture device if I did.

Ran into Jon and Carolyn at seven this morning when I was returning to the house. They were walking with some woman. Jon was his usual friendly self but Carolyn? I’m not sure about her. I still think I’m a little too liberal for them. Jon strikes me as the type that would continue to be just as friendly and chatty upon learning I’m a liberal lady, but she doesn’t. I think she would become more standoffish. I wonder if I did the right thing by giving Jon the information I did and then messaging him on Facebook.

Naw. I’m me. Period. And no one has to like it.