I wished Kim a happy birthday and Sarah a happy 27th birthday and backed up another photo album even though Facebook still hassles me with the larger ones.

Wow, it seems like a whole lifetime ago that I was 27 years old. That’s when I met Tom. Although I was still a smoker and only knew three languages at the time, I had great vision, skin that didn’t need lotion, lips that didn’t need lip balm, hair that was devoid of gray, and a 100-pound body that probably had Graves’ disease. I was blissfully naïve in that I didn’t know what true financial insecurity and true terror meant.

But I also knew a lot less than I do now and I was a lot more sensitive and emotional in the wrong kinds of ways. Things had an effect on me back then that wouldn’t faze me now. I’ve always liked Olivia Newton-John, for example, but these days, to pass her on the streets would be no different than passing a total stranger. People are people. I’m just pretty nonplussed these days in general and harder to amaze and impress. I guess that just comes with being older as things become less new and exciting as you’ve either seen or experienced them a million times already.

The temps are slowly coming down and it will probably be a bit chilly in here come 7 AM or so. Definitely not looking forward to winter.

I’m going to shower soon and then go for a quick run, but this time I won’t be in a sleeveless shirt. I prefer to go out when there’s no direct sunlight. When it’s over 70° I go sleeveless. When it’s in the 60s I go in short sleeves. When it’s in the 50s I go in long sleeves. When it’s in the 40s I wear my hoodie. Under 40°… forget it!

I had a dream that Andy and I were talking again. Not gonna happen. Yes, I do miss him at times and I always will. I wish him the very best, but I don’t want to deal with the problems that come with being friends with such an insecure and non-trusting person who’s also very negative and insensitive at times. I just don’t care for arrogant people who think they know it all and who think everybody is lying to them about everything.

But yeah, sometimes I miss checking in with him on and off throughout the day on the old version of Ask, and sometimes I even miss some of the silly Aly/Kim/Molly drama as phony and as immature as it was. My online life has come to be a bit dull indeed, but at least it’s a lot calmer and safer.

I’m proud to say I’m not reading Aly’s tweets as much. The phony liar’s tweets are all about food, indirect cries for attention, and shows I’m not into. So there really isn’t much to see. I was mostly checking to see if she would mention rejoining Prosebox so I could look for her and hope to block her before she blocked me. But I do daily checks of the newcomers on PB. Because the threesome hasn’t stalked me in a while I’ve been more open to sharing the link to my profile there, so it’s no big secret anymore. I would probably be blocked before I realized they had joined, but I don’t care as much anymore. I meant it when I said I was determined to stop caring about those who didn’t care about me. Nor will I forgive and resume any friendships.

I also had a dream that I was working somewhere. I don’t know if she was just another coworker or some kind of boss but I seemed to really like some woman that worked with me doing whatever it was we did. She told me something about not returning to work until Tuesday but would try to get in sooner, knowing I would miss her.

While she was talking to someone else, I twirled round and round nearby three times with the kind of balance I don’t have in real life. I even thought of making up some story about someone mentioning my dancing ability so I could have the opportunity to mention having once been a dancer to her in hopes of impressing her but didn’t want to bullshit her by saying I had a conversation that I never had.