Nothing from Tammy since my message to her on Facebook which makes me think she’s now ghosting me along with the girls or is ill again. Still not sure I really want to hear from her again either way.

I accidentally gave a thumbs down to a message on Facebook and then Kim from Massachusetts did the same thing. So I can see where Palma may have accidentally downvoted it and was actually replying with a completely innocent and kind message. The only thing that didn’t make sense was the attempted call. I don’t think the call icon is easy to accidentally hit.

We went to the pool yesterday at 3:00. There were no kids but the pool was too cold while the jacuzzi was too warm.

I found some great treasures at the Goodwill yesterday too, including a couple of mugs and a few pairs of shoes. The mugs are yellow with pink tulips and one of the shoes has a colorful metallic print. Those are flats. Also, flats with memory foam insoles and a pair with colorful stripes, most of which are pink. Lastly, I got pink strappy sandals with a 3” cork wedge heel that fit perfectly and are very easy to walk in. It all cost just $25.

We’ve been doing things around the house at our leisure. Tom cleaned the windshield of the car and is working on installing the large screen and projector in the living room. We decided to put up a panel a day of the forest mural in the hallway so we don’t have to feel rushed or overworked. Sometimes it’s nice to do things slowly and take our time. So we’ve got the second out of six panels up. I’m laying in bed right now as I do this entry on Google Docs and it looks so cool with the winter forest in here and then seeing the summer forest out in the hall. When you step out there you really feel like you’re winding between the trees.

Yesterday I had a distinct feeling that hit me about how long we’ll be here. My logic always said we’d be here till he was around 66, 67 at the latest. But I had an instant sense of knowing yesterday that we wouldn’t be here that long, although I don’t know how long, which is either a very good or a very bad thing. We’re either going to have more money than expected sooner than expected, or something bad is going to happen.

Really, really hope Aly’s dream doesn’t mean anything because she’s like me where the dreams she has don’t usually literally come true, but if she has a dream where something bad happens to someone she’s close to, something bad usually comes their way. She said she dreamed that we met and it was more like a final goodbye because while she didn’t know where Tom was, I was very depressed. I had tons of printouts of poisons that would kill but not in a painful way and was preparing some kind of poison to drink.

Well, hopefully that in conjunction with the vibe I had doesn’t mean something’s going to kill me a lot sooner than anticipated, but if it does, it does, as we can’t always control how long we live. I just try to remind myself that we all have to go someday and there’s just as much good to dying now as there would be in 20 years or even 50 years. Not that I should live 50 more years when I’m already 52, but just to use that as an example, it seems there are always things not worth living for as much as there are things to look forward to living for is what I’m saying. I still think I’ve got about 30 years to go.

The only dream I remember having last night was living in my childhood home. It was nighttime and I’m not sure if I let Burke out or if he escaped. I think he got out the front door by accident. I tried to call him back but he wouldn’t come to me. The only thing that was wrong was that I could hear the whooshing sound of traffic when in fact it was dead quiet on that street because it wasn’t near any major roads like a highway or anything. There was also a little shed or storeroom on the front corner of the property that didn’t exist and I could see the house next door where my grandparents lived. In reality, the hedges dividing the properties wouldn’t enable me to see their entire house from the front door. I would only be able to see part of their garage.

Anyway, I hoped Burke would stay put for the night and that I would find him in the morning.

Then a female cop was suddenly in the house and went down into the cellar after I had told her I hadn’t yet been down there since moving in. She came back up with a dead rat shortly after and I knew it couldn’t be mine because it had been dead too long.

It seems like some woman was also in the dream that was living there with me and had been woken out of the sound sleep.

FedEx came today with some papers Tom had to sign for. Something about his boss wanting him to sign papers saying that he was given certain forms or something like that.

The only thing that has me a little worried, even though our finances and health seem stable from what we can tell, is this is about the time when the next crisis would begin to unfold. If I’m right about something up there being determined to cycle me through one crisis after another, well, given the pattern of intervals that I’ve been able to look back on and see over the decades, now would be the time to get the next one started, whatever it is. Right this instant I don’t have any feelings that anything bad is right around the corner. I hope not!

There does seem to be just as much of a pay curse on him as there does a sleep curse on me, so with his shit luck, since we just can’t believe he’s got any issues that the MRI will turn up to land him on disability, they’ll take him back and he’ll continue to be cheated by about $6 an hour since the average person in this country makes $25 an hour instead of $19. It actually could be worse, however, if he had to take an American job at minimum wage and was unable to get second or third shift. We’ll eventually find out because just because they take him back doesn’t mean they won’t turn around and fire him. This company definitely doesn’t want anyone with health issues. Totally wrong, unfair and unrealistic, but that’s just how they are.

The freeway is further away than I thought. Just over 1000 feet, according to a tool Tom used on Google Maps. I would have guessed closer to 500. So Aly, who’s 300 feet away from the freeway where she lives, must really hear it well.