After connecting the dots, I’ve made things a lot less complicated for Aly by ghosting her. There have been times off and on lately when I’ve had my suspicions about her ghosting me. Just a feeling that she was gearing up to do that, and what I found earlier confirmed those suspicions. So I’ll do her the favor of letting her go and now she won’t have to “think” about it anymore. I didn’t even bother to send any messages to her explaining what I found or why I’ve chosen to go silent on her. Knowing her, she would only deny it and insist she was referring to Kim or someone else. I may not be the smartest person on earth, but I’m no idiot either.

Molly has a habit of deleting and creating new accounts. I’m sure it doesn’t have anything to do with me, though. Last night I noticed Aly’s “secret” and private account was no longer connected to Molly because Molly deleted her account. I also knew she would never dump her either. As suspected, Molly created a new account and re-followed Aly. Found it through Aly. Yeah, when I got up, I made my daily check on her and was not only surprised to find it public but some rather enlightening information present as well. So now that I know what she’s really been thinking, which she doesn’t have the balls to tell me directly, she doesn’t have to go out of her way to tweak her settings or profile so she isn’t found, as she tweeted, because I certainly won’t be looking for her anymore.

There was a tweet saying, “People who offer their opinion when it is not asked for really need to learn to shut the eff up. My life, my relationship, MY BUSINESS!”

Then there was, “Maybe it’s time to cut someone out of my life. I think about ghosting someone who really doesn’t bring much joy or comfort or even understanding to my life.”

Then, “Amazing how many people forget I recently went through major surgery and don’t give a fuck how I’m doing or even ask.”

She may not be referring to me in that last tweet because I asked her this plenty of times. So, unless 20 times wasn’t acceptable and she expected 100 times, this doesn’t pertain to me.

Nonetheless, it was then that I really realized that sometimes no matter what we say or what we do, enough is never enough for some people. They’re always going to remain the miserable, selfish, spoiled and ungrateful people that they truly are, never appreciating a damn thing you do for them. I have entrusted her with so much personal information about my life and experiences, yet I bring her no joy, comfort or understanding? Really? Wow. I’ve been there for her whenever possible and however I possibly could be. I’ve always made it clear that while I may put in my two cents and maybe offer opinions or advice at times, it doesn’t mean I’m telling her she absolutely has to go by what I say. I’ve made it clear to her that yes, her life is hers. At least I thought I did.

Funny too, because just the night before, it hit me that we would probably never meet after all. Maybe she never really intended to come out here those two times she discussed it with me. Three times actually. First, she was going to come out with her ex, then with Cam, then by herself. I get that she’s had some financial setbacks but still.

I blame myself for part of this because I should have recognized the signs. Not being connected on Facebook is one of them, as Maliheh taught me. There was also an article I read about relationships and things related to that and Facebook was one of the pointers they made. Plus, she was in touch with others on Twitter but not me. So yeah, I should have been smart enough to know that people are who they are, and they rarely change. She’s a natural-born liar who, as I said, can never be pleased or satisfied by anyone. Maybe for a while she can be, then that’s it.

I know I should be hurt, angry and feeling truly insulted, but because I’ve already been down this road with her before, it really comes as no surprise. I should have figured this day was coming and maybe deep down I knew it would and figured I would just enjoy the good times while they lasted. Yeah, I’ll miss her at times, but I have no tolerance for liars and fake people. I don’t want someone pretending to value my friendship while thinking of ghosting me.

And why the hell does she feel so compelled to lie about her friendship with Molly? I just don’t get that one. I’ve already made it clear to her that she has a right to be friends with whoever she wants to be friends with whether I think it’s a good idea or not and I assured her I would support her either way. Their friendship is no surprise either, though. Aly always did have a soft spot for the emotionally and mentally unstable/ill as opposed to those who are a little more grounded.

With her no longer in my life, I will be able to enjoy the writing freedom that will come with it. Especially as I acquire more of an I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude. She’s so damn sensitive that she was the main reason I hadn’t been sharing much in public and I used to hate it when she would compare what I would put in public to what I would send her. Why else would she look in on me when I was emailing her more than I would actually share since I knew it would likely bother her if I shared certain things?

This doesn’t mean I’m going to share sensitive info, of course, or every single detail of my life. It just means I’m not going to give a shit about who sees what I do share. I’m going to disallow comments for a while even though there are a million other ways she could get ahold of me if she sees this and wants to try to deny that it was me she was referring to but come on. She blocked one of my Twitter accounts, and her tweet about people needing to shut the eff up came shortly after I Skyped her my opinion on her getting an apartment. Then there’s the gut feeling I’ve been having as the intuitive person I am, plus other things.

I don’t know what kind of joy or comfort she thinks I haven’t provided her with or what it is she thinks I don’t understand. If she didn’t talk in riddles as she sometimes does and was more direct, I think I would have done a pretty good job of catching on. I know how to read, and I can learn things, too. But fine. Let her get that “joy,” “comfort” and “understanding” from whack jobs like Molly who is emotionally off the charts, back and forth like a yo-yo, and highly irrational. Everything is so serious with her. Such a crisis.

Ironic too, since she admitted that Molly has an inflated sense of self-worth. This is so true, so I don’t know why she would want to be friends with someone like that. If she thinks Molly could ever be a true friend, she’s only kidding herself. But that’s her right to do so, isn’t it? Let her bullshit herself into thinking this amazing “friend” who can barely even write is her true bestie.

Aly is just too full of too many lies and secrets. It’s one thing not to tell someone something but it’s another to lie. I even purposely said things about her absence on Twitter and hoping she’d come back just to see if she would admit she’s still there and connected to Molly, yet she didn’t. Like I said, there’s a difference between omission and lies. She specifically told me she ghosted Molly and made like she was no longer on Twitter. That seems like a lie to me.

I don’t give a shit if they read this either. Like I said, I won’t disclose sensitive info, but I won’t hold back my own true thoughts either.

Don’t know what I’m going to do with my MD account yet. Gotta think about that one for a while.

Oh, and she also said she was going to leave her “secret” account open for a while and that she would make it private when she went to bed, and she did. So I’m guessing she wanted me to see those tweets. Maybe she felt it was easier to let me know what was really on her mind that way. I would still be willing to bet that she either tracks visitors on Twitter somehow or is able to figure out my online activity. Therefore, she knew when I discovered the account and that’s probably why she left it open. I know for a fact that she has spied on me and there’s a chance she may have even hacked my old Ask account and sites I keep my journals on that don’t have two-factor authentication. She always seemed to know too much about my thoughts and actions. I don’t care how smart and intuitive one may be. There are some things she knew that she simply shouldn’t have known. Well, how would she get that info without possibly tracking or hacking?

Again, I don’t give a shit who reads what at this point. She can read it all word for word beginning in 2055. Yeah, that’s when Blogger will start publishing my scheduled posts containing every journal entry I ever wrote in full and unedited. In 2055, I’ll be dead, since I don’t expect to hit 90 and therefore no one will be able to sue me. So anyone is free to read all they want then unless I publish them sooner or there are any glitches along the way.

In all honesty, though, if I published everything I ever wrote right now, I highly doubt anyone could sue me for anything, even with full names left in. It’s just not as easy as some people think to sue someone for slander or libel. It’s mostly some sensitive info, threats, and public figures that they’re concerned with, not saying so-and-so is a purebred asshole.