What’s the point of living with old people who are quiet when they can just hire people to make plenty of noise for them and then some? Although, I think the sawfest may be momentarily done. When Tom walked down to pick up the mail, he noticed a wooden fence he hadn’t noticed before in back of their place. That might have been what they were working on. Pretty sure I saw planks of wood yesterday leaning against the worktable. But then why didn’t I hear hammering if they were beating in a new fence? That’s okay, though, I heard enough.

Today is cloudy and cool and we might even get a drizzle of rain for a few minutes. The planes are obnoxious because the cloud cover reflects their sound back down to the ground. I could hear them over my blasting headphones on my walk earlier. Right now I have the air cleaner turned up high and Alexa playing brown noise yet I can still hear a bit of a rumble. Winds are heading north, so the planes will be a problem past midnight. I won’t be up all night, though. Tomorrow we’ll be back in the 70s, regardless of what direction the wind is going.

Still a bit crampy and kind of teetering between spotting and a light flow. Every other minute I’m sure I’m going to get a full-blown period, and other times I’m not sure. I’ve lost my water and sore boobs. I just don’t understand why I’m going through this so late in life. I know some women have periods into their late 50s but that’s not usually the case in this country. I also know that being fat can delay menopause, but come on, I’m not that big. The question is whether or not this is enough to reset the menopause clock or not.

I’m doing well but not great on my diet. I’ve had a few things I shouldn’t have had, and I could afford to drop my calories lower, but I’m doing well enough than any normal person should get results. I’m not as hungry as I was the first day either. I won’t be weighing myself until Saturday. Doubt I’ll be down but do I want to be? Well, on the one hand, it’d be nice to have control over my own body and to be able to lose weight if I want or need to, but when this fails as everything else has, I can relax, eat when I’m hungry, know I tried my best, and then just hope I don’t gain much more or become diabetic. So there are pros and cons to both, actually.

When going through On This Day, I came across an entry in 1997 where Tom woke up really horny and then said he was “too horny” to get off after another round of cumless sex. You would think that would sound absolutely batshit crazy even to his own ears. That simply makes no sense at all. That’s like being too cold for a jacket. What I don’t understand is how he could be okay with it even if it was true that he didn’t want kids. I mean, I know everyone’s different and we’re not supposed to be judgmental or intolerant and all that, but who the hell says that? Who the hell could possibly be happy with that? Well, he was either the best damn actor in the world or yeah, he was that much against being a father that it was a problem he wanted to keep rather than go to any doctor about it. I’m glad in the end that he didn’t, but I still wish we didn’t have to go through that shit. I should have trusted my gut instinct that knew I would never be pregnant, I should have gone by his actions (and some of his words), and one of us should have gotten fixed.