If I don’t come up with a decent idea for NaNo in less than 24 hours, then I’m not participating. I haven’t been able to mentally flesh out the very vague idea I have in mind. So I finally asked myself, well, what was it that you wrote about in the past that you were able to do a few times a year?

Again, it’s all tied to those hormones. What I was able to do was bring fantasies to life that I no longer have. Not every story of mine has been based on someone I fantasized about but most of them were. Yet Kate Jackson has run her course on me as has Nane, Alyssa and others.

I thought about rewriting my bio but then realized that idea doesn’t appeal to me all that much. I wouldn’t mind giving a vocal version if voice tweets ever come to Android before I get an iPhone if I get an iPhone. I just wish there were voice blogging sites! I’m kind of surprised there aren’t. Instead, it’s just for podcasts, nothing I’m interested in.

When Aly tweeted that she didn’t know which was worse, having a friend who develops obsessions easily or is so nosy she has to watch everything she shares, I knew she either wanted me to see the tweet if she still believes I know about the account, or I managed to convince her I don’t and she feels free to express herself.

As expected, she wasn’t too thrilled about my curiosity as to why she won’t divulge her address but the answer she gave me did kind of make sense even though she never explained why Summayah failed to show up in a search or about her Facebook account. She still fears that due to her track record of short-lived relationships, she’s going to find she either chose another loser or she fucks things up again, so that’s why she hasn’t shared the address along with the fact that she never stays anywhere longer than 3 months. Not due to a lack of trust. I guess this makes sense because if she didn’t trust me then why give me her parents’ address?

Although hopeful, I’ve always wondered if she and Cam (if he exists) would last forever because of the way she’s had to move out twice. When you meet the right person, you know it, and you don’t have to take breaks from each other. Having a few hours of alone time is one thing, having to separate is another. If she’s attracted to mostly losers for friends, she may gravitate to losers for intimate relationships as well. She definitely has a thing for those who aren’t exactly sane and stable. She actually seems to like those who are moody and has no problems whatsoever with liars.

Not sure I agree that it was okay for her to “scold” me for Googling names she’s given me when she’s done a paid search on me, not that she would ever admit it. Her being the only one to hit that secondary PB account which no one else had visited in ages couldn’t have been a coincidence. Neither could her knowing I was behind the account I stupidly contacted Molly from and then blocking it. She no doubt has a monthly subscription so she can look up info whenever she wants. As she told Molly when someone was pretending to be a celebrity, she can always find out who’s behind an account. But even though it’s a bit hypocritical, I realize that no friend is perfect. Not her. Not me. So why she gave me yet another doctor’s name when she mentioned the injections she’s going to have to have at home for her tummy issues is beyond me. What point was she trying to make since she has no way of knowing whether or not I Google the name?

As I told her, I’ve never looked up her parents and I would never look up Cam even if I knew his full name because of a combination of not being curious enough and because she’s told me enough about these people anyway. I’m pretty much all searched out. Other than being curious as to where we’ll end up living, I’m basically all searched out. Anyone I knew back east, in Arizona, or even here has already been looked up. I don’t think there would be many more people I would search for in the future except to check out any potential doctors to make sure they don’t have any dirt on them. Same shit we all Google.

She also says she’s just not one to take pictures of furniture or rooms she lives in. Just nature pics at times. That’s okay. She takes crappy-quality pictures any way that are too blurry or grainy.

Still seems weird that a doctor wouldn’t list herself online and that I’ve never seen a picture of her with any of her boyfriends. She says she has become private because sharing backfired on her in the past. Again, I can kind of understand that much. I wish I’d never mixed accounts or shared my real name on social media. But do I think Cam’s fake? Probably not but you never know. Maybe she’s destined to be forever loveless like Andy was and this is just her way of making herself feel like she’s loved. But then why go from relationship to relationship unless a variety of fantasy lovers is what turns her on?

It sucks that she has to give herself injections. She says she worries about the side effects but of course she didn’t say what they could be. She asked how I was doing on statins. So far so good! Can’t speak for what may happen when my dose is raised but I don’t know that it will be in this state.

She said she had to take growth hormone shots as a kid so it’s nothing new even though she misses the days when her worse problems were an occasional headache or a bad night’s sleep where she bounced back quickly because she was young.

Oh, yes! I remember those days all too well! I don’t miss a lot of what was going on in my life in the past, but I sure miss those healthier days. Once upon a time, I didn’t need medication or glasses. I got horny at least a few times a week, didn’t take forever to pee, didn’t have gray hair, could lose weight through diet and exercise, had a decent memory, didn’t wake up 50 times a night (or day), would perk up after a few hours if I woke up tired, found things to be new and exciting…

Still going back and forth on the meds being an issue just like I have for the last half a decade. Or at least one factor anyway. There have been times I’ve skipped just to get anxious and then I’ve taken it and didn’t. The way the off-brands really raised my anxiety couldn’t have been a coincidence. Neither can the booming heart and panic attacks I had when I first went on the medication. But why isn’t it more consistent if it’s the meds?

I’ve got surprisingly good energy today as well. I really expected the garbage trucks to wake me up and to be tired. I’m sure I’ll be exhausted within the next two or three days, though, given the way it usually works with me. But today I have the energy to carry on with my new exercise routine. Taking 200 steps every 10 minutes has been a great way to hit my step count goal as well as to keep me active. This way my joints don’t get stiff from sitting too long. If I do it for enough hours, it’s over an hour of exercise a day.

We ran out to Rite-Aid yesterday after getting groceries delivered. They had just opened and the store was deserted. I grabbed some lentil chips, white zinfandel, and Moscato. His treat was some cakes and chips. At least he’s still able to lose weight however slowly it may be (slower than Fitbit predicts) without having to starve. I don’t want to lose weight bad enough to lower my already semi-low calories even more but I sure as hell don’t have to worry about gaining as active as I am.

Since we can’t live on the edge of a beautiful island or peninsula, Homosassa seems like a promising inland town. The only potential problem would be barking and motorcycles, of course. The barking is going to depend on whether or not dogs are considered pets in the southeast, and the motorcycles, I don’t know. I would assume they would be a regular thing there. As I told him, I think that if we don’t get a place in a motorcycle-free park we should stick to acreage. In other words, no “tooth houses” in the mainstream lest we end up too close to trouble.

Had a series of weird dreams. I was jogging along a highway, then suddenly indoors realizing I had drunk 64 oz of water and no time and that there were gaps in my memory. I wondered if something bad happened to me that I blocked out.

Then I got a text from someone online that I sometimes talked to saying that they were at the police station.

In a dubious tone of voice, Tom said there was probably a misunderstanding with his name being attached to something of hers like maybe a gift card.

The font of the predictive text changed to reflect whatever subject was being discussed, so with letters formed of razor wire, I asked, “Why?”