My free 30 days are up on OD. Yeah, so much for thinking they now allow free members because I could have sworn I signed up with that email address before but I guess not. So I signed up as “Mishanda” with another email address I also thought I used before, but it let me create an account. I’ll have the entries expire just like with “Social Distancing.”

While I would never want to be alone as much as I once was, some alone time would be nice every now and then. Especially since we’re not always on opposite schedules. He needs to go back to work so they don’t demand he pay the Unemployment back because he retired but at the same time, I worry about him returning to work before a vaccine is available.

I hate how I can’t disable notifications from Fitbit on my phone. I disable them but then the sneaky bastards turn them back on. And of course, I know better than to reach out to them about it because as I’ve noticed, things are always my fault. I have to empty the cache, clear cookies, reload browsers, or do something. It’s never their fault.

I used the scale he’s been using which measures your muscle, fat, water and whatever else. I have 93 lbs of lean muscle. According to that and the lowest percentage of fat I can have for my size and age, I can’t possibly go below 120 lbs which is exactly what I figured. However, I could still stand to lose those 30 lbs I know I’m never going to lose. It got to me yesterday for the first time in a while. I’ve convinced myself to just accept what I can’t change and have been mostly okay with it, understanding that this is just the way my body is meant to be due to my thyroid and probably all kinds of other factors like genetics, the country I live in, my age, etc. It really is pointless to cry over what can’t be changed. Yeah, I’d love to have two normal ears, but I never have and I never will so it’s best to just accept that and make peace with it. I try to find the good in the bad but sometimes it’s not easy.

I miss being lighter not so much because I’d look better but because it just made all kinds of things easier. Life in general was easier because I was more flexible and I could do things easier like running, jumping jacks, and more. But there’s no way I could get my calories low enough consistently enough and then expect to keep the weight off. As long as I’m healthy, the extra weight hasn’t killed me yet. Limits me in some ways, yes, but that’s about it. I’m sure it doesn’t help my blood pressure and cholesterol but again, there’s nothing I can do about it so why wish for what can’t be?

For the last 2 or 3 days, I’ve had strange intermittent chest and back pain and I’m not sure if it’s my lungs, muscles or something else. I noticed I woke up with a sharp pain below my left shoulder blade, but it eventually turned itself off like a switch. Then after I was on the skier, it came back and eventually stopped. Tom thinks it sounds like exercise-induced asthma, but that’s not normal for me. That’s not the type of asthma I have. I sure hope it’s not angina but as far as I know, my heart is still healthy. Although, my HR variability isn’t that good according to Fitbit’s health metrics.

Had a dream that someone stole Rockefeller. I don’t know where we were living but I was attending these classes of some kind outdoors. We sat in a rectangular-shaped grassy area. I left class early one time because the sun was too strong and wondered how we’d stand it in the summer.

Then, as the sun was setting, I put Rockefeller outside in that area to get some fresh air. Apparently, I made a habit of putting the pigs out there every now and then. Later, when it was just about dark, I realized it was going to be too chilly out for him, so I went out to retrieve him and found someone had stolen him, cage and all. I shined the flashlight on my phone around the area but couldn’t find him. I felt saddened and on the verge of panic. I didn’t panic, though, knowing it wouldn’t do me any good.

I re-entered our place through an attached garage, moved a small rodent wheel off to the side of the carpeted steps, then led into the house, trying to figure out where he could be, who might have taken him, and what to do from there. I hated to break the bad news to Tom.

Aly changed handles again and then her account disappeared, but it might not be because of me. Could be because she’s fed up with dealing with Molly’s constant negative moods and stupidity. Precisely why I do everything I can to avoid the mentally/emotionally ill. I guess now she’s harassing a celeb, Nick Carter. Someone posed as him and contacted her and she seems to think it’s him, so she’s pissed since she has a crush on the guy. When Aly tweeted, “No, I’m not going to clarify this, but some people, some situations, just aren’t worth the effort or the headache,” Molly was the first one to come to mind. Could be Kim, though.