Eating every 3 hours is proving to be easier than I thought it would be. The question is whether or not I can lower the calories, but one step at a time.

Steph just hit level 20, Mia hits 40 tomorrow.

Now that we’ve got the place mostly set up, it doesn’t seem that small. I always did say we could go down to about 1000 square feet. I would never again want to be cramped into a 500-square-foot trailer like we were for that half a decade back in Cali!

Definitely can’t wait to get the fuck out of here and get some sun even if it’s just sitting in Candy while she’s charging. I miss and need sunlight. Damn, do I wish we lived where my parents lived so I could relax on the dock in the middle of the night at times and listen to the sounds of the water around me. I’d be out of the house at least somewhat. I’d just have to watch for gators.

The wind is now at 29 miles an hour. Definitely got to check the outside later and make sure nothing’s damaged. I can hear the tree on the Toni side of the house slapping the wall and windows of the house.

WTF? I just got an email from Walgreens saying they’re processing my auto-refill. That’s fucked up! I don’t want them refilling anything until I tell them to. I don’t need any refills right now.

Not sure if Gennev and Cohosh are helping me but maybe I would be worse off without them. I’m not anxious; I just feel kind of blah. I just wish I knew for sure if the dose increase has anything to do with it or if it’s just a coincidence like the brand thing that I thought was an issue. If it is I seriously wonder if there’s something up there that doesn’t actually enjoy confusing me and making me question things. But yeah, tonight I’m kind of questioning things all over again. Things I thought I pretty much figured out. I have questions. The same old questions. How much could be the medication? How much could be my hormones? How much could be about me being on nights right now as he thinks is the case? He kept offering to stay up with me and while that’s very sweet of him, I do still need some alone time and I feel bad about fucking him up too. just like it’s not normal for me to always be on days and it makes me sick, it messes with his stomach to follow my schedule. Why put both of us out?

Then an idea came to me. We know I can’t hold my schedule otherwise, I would have done that decades ago, but maybe I can at least find a way that’s doable for me to push my schedule through the nights faster. I’d have to fine-tune the details but maybe I could do something like this…once I start getting to the point where I’m going to be up throughout most of the night and getting up around noon-2, I’d push it by staying up as late as I could absolutely stand to stay up and try to jump it by 6-8 hours in one day. I think it may be worth a try. I have no problem with staying up a few hours after he crashes because then I do get some alone time. But we both know there’s only so much alone time I need, so if I can figure out a way to cut the time I’m on nights in half or something like that, that may not only improve my mood but also make me more flexible for doing things. I sleep shitty so much of the time anyway and I don’t see how pushing my schedule one day every 10 days or so would hurt me as opposed to trying to hold it every single day. So if I can be not so much on days but more on days, that would be awesome. I’m excited to try it!

Ugh, just read that a guy got 9 years in prison for plotting some race-war fantasy while Cuomo’s touchy-feely charge is just a misdemeanor. That is just so, so American.