I just want to cry right now. I am so frustrated and overwhelmed with all the health issues and appointments that it’s really getting me down. I feel so much older than my years at times. I kind of wish I could magically make Helen appear on my cam right now. I hate to say it, but I can see how Aly sometimes wished she would get something that would just kill her. I’m kinda wishing that myself right now only I don’t see myself getting that wish like she did, even though she didn’t really want that deep down. Far from it. She wanted to live. She just wanted to do it without constantly suffering. I would like to live without the regular suffering as well, even if I don’t have the zest for life that she did.

The nitrofurantoin proved to be too strong for me so I was switched to amoxicillin. I looked back in my journal and found that I last took it for a sinus infection back in the 90s and had no side effects. I can take penicillin, but it gives me the runs. They gave me that a few years ago when I had a tooth infection. The only problem is that some resistance has been reported when it comes to amoxicillin and UTIs. That’s what my doctors told me anyway. But the other stuff was way too powerful. It was making me very drowsy and I would have these scary warm flushes come over me that weren’t like a regular hot flash. I think most of the infection is gone, but not all of it.

Went to the lab bright and early in the morning, but there was no urine test ordered for me. Just the thyroid and something else. I wonder if they canceled the pee test because the home testing kit showed I have a UTI. I did notice another test I don’t think I ever had before called a PSC. I guess it has to do with the liver.

I’m just really stressed out not just over all the appointments, but the constant fatigue that rarely seems to give me a break. I don’t know what to think at times because there are so many possible causes. Maybe something else is going on with me that hasn’t been diagnosed, but I doubt it. I just feel really overwhelmed, and I know that today I’m going to be told my TSH is shitty. The question is how shitty?

I’m having one of those days when I’m wondering if there’s something up there that’s punishing me, or if this is just random. I just feel like I shouldn’t be having this many health problems until I’m over 65.

I started my day - or night, I should say - off on the warm side and my heart started racing before I took the amoxicillin but after I finished eating a frozen dinner. Hopefully, that was just because there was too much sodium in it. Every now and then I take a break from healthy stuff and get pre-made stuff, especially when I don’t feel well. I’m hoping some of the fatigue will lift once the infection is cured, but it’s been really bad the last couple of years, and I certainly haven’t been infected that long.

The honker left at 4:30 yesterday morning and I thought they were going on a road trip or something but nope, they were back a few hours later.

Tomorrow’s dental bridge replacement day. Ughhh… They said it was OK to take the triazolam with the amoxicillin, though. I can’t say whether or not the amoxicillin is making me drowsy because of the fatigue, but it doesn’t seem to be as noticeable as with the other stuff. So hopefully, if I take it before bed I’ll sleep better because I definitely haven’t been sleeping well, which doesn’t help.

Can’t believe how cold it is here, and it’s almost April in Florida.