Today’s health work consisted of requesting online to pick up copies of my imaging scans at the imaging place tomorrow.

I totally feel like we’re at a dead-end in life and like life is over for us, in a sense. Of course, he says we have options, but believe me, those options aren’t very good. He’s going to have to realize that his program is a dream but it will never be for lack of trying. From here on out, the only way we can ever have extra money is if he returns to work.

As horrible as COVID was, I’ve come to have mixed emotions about the timing. At first, it seemed like a blessing for us while the recession was a nightmare. Because he was laid off when few jobs were available because of the COVID outbreak, he was more or less forced into retirement. By retiring early, it prevented us from having a more comfortable retirement later on. I swear it’s like there’s always something determined to cheat us out of money. We never seem to get as much as I know we could have be it his pay, inheritances, pensions, etc. I’m amazed we even got to have the decade we had where we didn’t have to worry about money. I still don’t think we’ll ever be as broke as we were before the recession ended, but I don’t see us very comfortable at all. Especially when big expenses come up. I’m starting to wonder if he’s going to have to work until he's simply too old to or dead.

I used to like setting goals to look forward to, but after a while, I get tired of seeing most of my plans not work out or work out in a way I didn’t expect. I think it would be cheaper and safer to just stay here. This is far from a bad place. No, I don’t literally love it here because I’ve seen nicer places in nicer areas. But I do like it a lot. I don’t think I was meant to have a place that I really, really love. If I did, I would just spend my time worrying that we would lose it. Either way, I think it’s going to be our only option anyway, and I don’t think we’re going to be able to do any upgrades either. Life is about settling, and I can easily make do with the lack of kitchen counter/cabinet space and not having a spacious living room.

Finally caught a glimpse of the guy next door. Yeah, I’d say he is in his 60s. I just hope he doesn’t turn that lanai into a workshop but the place doesn’t need to be remodeled so if he does any sawing it would be to make stuff to give away or sell.

Went to BK earlier and I’m stuffed to the gills.

I slept better last night because I took hydroxyzine and melatonin. My schedule seems to be averaging a jump of one hour and 22 minutes versus one hour and 15 minutes, according to his calculations. So we’re going to have to adjust the schedule program. I don’t know why it’s sped up over time. Daylight savings doesn’t help at all. The next week is going to be incredibly hard. God, I can’t wait for these appointments to back off! I just want a month off for once. If it weren’t for my sleep issues and money, I wouldn’t mind as much but as soon as I can squeeze a foot in the middle of all these appointments, I’ve got to put that foot down and stop them. It’s just that right now I’ve got too much invested in what’s going on for me to put a stop to it now. If I cancel the GI or the surgeon, the time and money spent on imaging will be a waste.