Wow, that’s interesting. Margaret sent an email asking that I call her. Could it possibly have to do with what’s going on with us here? I did mention the health issues and that he would likely be returning to work but I certainly didn’t ask for anything either. I told her that was simply life. I think she just wants me to call to help test her phone and internet. She’s been having a lot of problems with AT&T. I remember how horrible they were. She said she was in the middle of replying to my message when it all disappeared. Same thing when she was on the phone with a friend.

Part of me is sorry we didn’t get to meet before we left Cali. She’s such a nice lady and we do love most of her jokes. She’s in her 90s now, so as she says, she could be here today and gone tomorrow. I’ll call her after my meeting with Helen.

Yesterday, I ended up a bit tearful over the stress of all the health issues and the debt we’re racking up. We both know it’s not my fault and that I didn’t ask for these problems, but I still feel bad anyway. These concerns are now spilling over into my dreams. I don’t know if he was getting retirement money in the dream I had but he had just gotten a job and I was thinking that it was just in the nick of time. But the very next day they fired him for his essential tremor and I said, “I knew that job was too good to be true.” I had a bad feeling that we would be forced to end it all if we didn’t want to end up on the streets.

At least there’s certainly no risk of that happening in real life! Unlike when the recession went to hell, we do have a steady income. It’s just not much. The medical part of what’s going on is harder on me than the financial part. I think I ran into Jessie in the dream too, and was about to tell her that I may never see her again, but couldn’t bring myself to do it.

My doctors are acting like my TSH of 7 is really 77. I was told by more than one doctor that being under 10 isn’t dangerous. They’re also aware of the side effects I have from the medication. So we’re going to go extra slow at titrating the dose. I still don’t think I’m ever going to be able to handle being in the normal range but I’m going to get as close as I can comfortably get. So for the next six weeks, I’ll be taking six 88s every other week. I think it’s 50/50 as to whether or not I can handle six 88s every single week but seven is too much for me.

What I don’t get is why they asked if my surgeon asked for clearance and if he feels comfortable operating on someone with an elevated TSH. Again, I didn’t think 7 was that high. And secondly, how can it be dangerous? I’ll discuss it with him next week, and as I reminded them, I don’t have a surgery date yet. I meet with the surgeon next week.

I still have to see an endo but as my docs and I discussed, I’m going to wait and schedule one closer to home after what’s going on now is dealt with because I’m overwhelmed as it is. They understood too. As I said before, I don’t know what an endo can do that the last two didn’t but they can’t hurt either and will make my docs happy. I really hope to hell they never want to check my cholesterol. They'd go ballistic over that.

I was shocked to learn that the endoscopy I had cost $19,000! We paid $236 of it. Almost 20K just to shove a camera down my throat for 12 minutes. The cost of the HIDA must have been insane too.

Today I finished the last of the amoxicillin and I’m not sure that the infection is gone. So that’s another thing stressing me out right there on top of the three grand the new bridge just cost us. I had the temporary bridge put on yesterday and it wasn’t a rough appointment at all. Triazolam is good stuff and so is this dentist. I love her. I think she’s the best of the three I’ve had between California and Florida. Despite the money it costs, it’s nice not to have stinging in that area when the root was exposed. It looks better already and this is just with the temp bridge.