Omg, somebody's got to slap some serious sense into me! I'm making myself hypo as hell, and after 12 years on this drug, you would think I would have learned by now what not to do. Instead, I get stuck on stupid and take supplements I shouldn't be taking and eat foods I shouldn't be eating within the four-hour window. As if that isn't bad enough, I finally decided to ask two different AI models if there really is a difference between waiting 30 minutes versus 60 minutes before food and drink, and there definitely is. An hour is better, and so is consistency instead of bouncing back and forth between a half hour and an hour like I was doing.

The real problem is that there's such a fine line between helpful and hurtful. If I'm not careful, then I go from cold and fatigued to having a hard time staying asleep, anxiety, and feeling like I'm on fire.

Giving in to my thirst for knowledge, I read more about not treating a lack of thyroid, and this disease does have a high mortality rate without treatment. It's usually months to years, but I can't believe I would survive beyond a year or even 6 months if I suddenly stopped the medication, not that I ever would. So all those times I noticed fluctuations were probably me doing something stupid.

I'm going to try a little intermittent fasting of sorts and let myself have coffee an hour after I've gotten up and taken my pill, but no eating or taking any other pills/supplements until 4 hours after med. At least it's simple enough to lower my levels when I start having side effects, and I will have to do this periodically. I just prefer not to have to do it close to lab time.

Last night I was thinking about how one doesn't necessarily have to gain weight for their sleep apnea to get worse, since I gained very little weight, if any at all, between the time I went from 5.7 to 14. Then I get up this evening to find my AHI score at 24! Just when I started freaking out, Tom pulled up the report, and it was instant relief when he said it was actually 3.5 when it last updated at 4:00. I remembered that not only does sleep split over these times throw off your score, but laying there dozing on and off like I did the last couple of hours of my sleep can also raise the score. If you yawn or take a deep breath or cough or clear your throat or something like that, it thinks it's an event.

I still worry about it getting worse regardless because I can't increase the pressure, and I can't get a mouth guard, and I don't want to have to have surgery again for the Inspire that may end up being the nightmare Tom thinks it would be.

The only good in being hypo right now is that I sleep longer when I'm hypo, and that will help make it easier for my eye appointment, which could otherwise be a really long day.

My eyes are still oozy, but not as bad as right after surgery. Really looking forward to finding out exactly what's going on, but hoping to hell it's not going to spawn more appointments. I'm so sick of all the health issues and having so many appointments! I also try to keep as many as possible out of storm season.

Meanwhile, I get to enjoy a night of being cold and tired thanks to my stupidity.

Waiting for my daily jaw pain to set in. It's the weirdest thing, but I've been getting pain a few teeth away from the one they worked on every day, and I don't remember having this much irritation after getting a crown. I can't even bite down on it gently with soft food, so I hope nothing's wrong.

Decided to turn The Hospital Diaries into a short story. I just ran out of patience with it, so I'm editing it now.

Shortly before 7:30 AM, I heard some bumps and bangs, and thought Ray was doing something in back of his place, but when Tom went out, he saw all his car doors and trunk were open. He left shortly after, so I guess he didn't sell his house yet. I didn't really think he did. The housing market has been horrible, and there doesn't seem to be any change in sight with inflation continuing to be out of control.

Did Ray sell his house up in Michigan? I'm just wondering because he's still here.

I'm pissed that I was dumb enough to have protein shakes with a high calcium content before 4 hours after taking my levo. The degree of forgetfulness I've been experiencing is really getting old! At least now I won't have to worry about timing skips in preparation for building up for labs because I've definitely gone a little hypo.

Got a couple of those small, cheap Mainstays candles, although they're not that small. Juicy Watermelon is awesome, and Creamy Cashmere is good but a little weak-smelling.

I was going to freeze my current book, but rather than list it as frozen, an idea came to me. Maybe instead of having the criminal go after the corrupt cops, it could be the other way around in this case, and the cops can take corruption to a whole new level.

I don't know why, but I found myself missing the mystery girl and wondering what's going on in her life. I don’t check the front page or latest users on PB anymore, so I don't even know if she's still active there, but she popped into mind, nonetheless. A Stevie Nicks song came on the other day that I hadn't heard in ages and had totally forgotten about, and I immediately thought of her. Something about “over and over again.” This was later on, when she went solo and was no longer with FM.

I got three of the four things I ordered from Amazon Haul, and everything fits great. Love my new Mary Jane shoes with the pretty embroidered flowers! The nail stickers are in shades of pink and red and will look great with a glitter topcoat.

I’ll back up this month's journal entries on LJ at the end of the month, but then that's it—no more LJ. The site is running dial-up slow, and sometimes I can't even get pages to load. I think I'll make the 20s private for now, and then I'll just abandon my journal there because odds are those in Western countries are no longer going to be able to make posts or leave comments at some point due to all the sanctions put on Russia. So, thanks, Russia, for having to start a fucking war.

I'm not sure how much more time I want to invest in The Hospital Diaries, only because it's too much like my last book. The idea was to mostly tell the story through the perspective of the journal entries, but it's not that easy without some kind of backstory first, setting the stage, and developing characters, so to speak. I have a few other story ideas in mind that are different.

Despite all the different things I have to keep me busy, I'm finding myself bored a lot and wishing I wasn't stuck at home so much. I'll always be a homebody who loves to be home, but not every single fucking day. Instead, it seems I just go out once in a while, and it's almost always to appointments. I wish I had more energy and we had more money to do more things when I was on days, though I don't know that Tom would want to do that.

Still worried about how much more weight I'm going to gain throughout the rest of my life. My AHI score has been up a little despite being able to breathe easier, so I worry about that too, because it's not like I could increase the pressure if my AHI score really did start to climb. You know I'm not allowed to fully treat myself. Only partial or half-assed treatment is acceptable for me, if I can even get that much. :(

I don't qualify for Inspire—not that I want to go through surgery again and a million appointments before and after—but I can't seem to find anyone around here in-network that will give me a mouth guard either. Sometime, if I can ever not have appointments right around the corner, I'm going to crank the pressure up to the standard 20 max, and even though I know I'll chipmunk like crazy, I want to see what my AHI score is when I'm allowed to get full treatment. I would normally go up to 10, and that's what most people go up to from what I read. Now I can only go to 8, and even that's borderline. Pretty sure I had one or two mouth farts last time around. No extended breaks in my sleep, which is good, but I only slept for 6.5 hours. Not sure if that's because something woke me up or I simply woke up. I ended up napping for about an hour later on.

Happy 45^th, Aly! Yeah, that’s how old she would be if she were still alive. I still miss her every day.

Now I know why that small plane was circling around and being so annoying yesterday. There was a brush fire about 5 miles away. Believe it or not, Florida has been pretty dry. I'm sure all that will change, however, as soon as I start sleeping during prime storm time.

Getting annoyed with all these stomach and jaw issues. I'm having random bouts of nausea and acid reflux, and I don't know why. I'm trying to eat as little as possible with my dead metabolism that only keeps getting deader. The area of my gum line is still sore at times, too. It must be referred pain because most of what I'm feeling is a few teeth away from the one they worked on.

I'm gonna try cutting back on melatonin because 10 mg leaves me too hungover the next day. I'm also trying to get out of the habit of waking up in the middle of my sleep. I don't know why this keeps happening, but it would be nice if it would stop. AI recommended taking 1 to 3 mg, but instead of taking it right when I'm ready to sleep, take it 60 to 90 minutes before I want to crash and try to get out of the habit of taking half a clonazepam if I wake up in the middle of my sleep.

I wish I could remember my dreams like I used to, even if most of them weren't very fun. The only thing I vaguely remember was moving to the Northwest, close to Canada, something we would definitely never do.

Can't cut carbs as much as I'd like. I thought I would try getting a few large russet potatoes and then, when I want one with my meat and veggies, which is a typical meal for me, I’ll peel it, boil it, then try mixing it with butter and a splash of heavy cream in the blender and see how it comes out. Not only do potatoes help keep me more regular, but I feel like I'm only having half a meal when I don't add a side of carbs to my meal. To me, a meal is protein, veggies, and carbs.

I slept elevated without the CPAP, but I don’t think it’s worth it. It’s too easy to twist onto my back, which I did twice, snorting myself awake each time. It’s not as comfortable, so if I’m going to wake myself up when I flop onto my stomach, I might as well lie flat where it’s more comfortable. I still say there’s a curse on my sleep, and nothing I do is going to get rid of it. I also don’t know how to stop what people call those 3:00 a.m. wake-up times, even though the time varies in my case.

I took melatonin and half a clonazepam before bed, but when I got up to pee, I not only had to take a couple of ibuprofen since I still have jaw pain from inflammation, but I also had to take another half of clonazepam to get back to sleep. I ended up sleeping a long time—9.5 hours—which is rare for me these days. I’m sure this means I’ll be up for fucking ever, at around 18 hours, and only sleep for 6. It’s like my body will only let my schedule jump so much, so fast.

Nonetheless, I haven’t had any lung tightness today, and I have a little more energy as well. I called it “mixed energy” in the app I track my sleep and energy levels. Sadly, bad energy is in the lead over good energy, just like old times. I kept hoping it would get way ahead of it, but if it hasn’t by now, it’s not going to.

If it weren’t my own damn body causing my sleep issues, it would be noise. One guy on PB said he’s given up on a good night’s sleep. Me too. It’s just not going to happen, and when it does, it won’t be very often. I just hope my sleep apnea doesn’t get worse.

Slept absolutely shitty as fuck, and I don't feel any better than I did before surgery. I swear there's a curse on my sleep! I woke up with breathing issues, but it had nothing to do with my nose. My nose is still much more open and clearer. I've just been short of breath the last couple of days, and I don't know why. All I know is I just can't win, no matter what I do. As soon as I fix one problem that has been messing with my sleep, I get a whole new one. Despite gaining a few pounds, I just can't believe there's anything wrong with my heart. My legs, ankles, and feet aren't swollen. I had mild chest achiness yesterday, but nothing we all don't have from time to time. Part of me wonders if my thyroid is dying off some more. Worse would be if my sleep apnea is worsening. I'm still not sure what the fuck to do next. Do I go with a hard-side waterbed, or do I get a frame to throw under my old mattress and sleep elevated?

I chatted with Tom and got his opinion on the matter when we both agreed to start by testing how I do elevated, but without the CPAP. I changed my Fitbit clock face to one that measures oxygen better, although sometimes I’ve felt short of breath, measured my oxygen, and it was great at 99%. I'm just tired of the growing sleep limitations! If I sleep elevated, I can't use the CPAP because I lose air through my mouth that way. I can't sleep on my back with or without it, and now I can't seem to handle sleeping on my stomach anymore, but that may be because this waterbed is way too plush now. When I slept elevated after surgery, my nose was totally blocked, and I had no choice but to do all my breathing through my mouth. I don't remember having any problems sleeping that way, so it will be interesting to see how I sleep being able to breathe out of both my nose and mouth. If I had to sleep elevated for the rest of my life, that would be annoying enough. The last thing I would want to do on top of that is have to tape or pinch my nose shut. The problem with sleeping flat is that while I can use the CPAP that way as long as I stay off my back, it's too tempting to flip onto my stomach. With or without the CPAP, elevated or not, for now, I'm restricted to my sides only.

I thought about what the pulmonologist we saw that we didn't like said about how he didn't have asthma, yet as soon as he came here, he had lung tightness, so there's one possibility. Another possibility is acid reflux and my hiatal hernia, but I don’t know.

I'm reorganizing my books on PB, but decided to keep that site as a backup, so that means I'm mostly private there. Not sure what to do about Blogger. As far as making monthly backups on LJ, I don't know. That's going to depend on whether it remains sluggish or shuts down. I'll still share on FB with my favorite readers.

Not understanding the saying “God-fearing person.” Why would you worship a God you supposedly feared any more than a person you feared?

My ear crystals were making me dizzy again, so I did the Epley maneuver on myself, and it helped like it has in the past. I wouldn't mind so much, except that when I went to bend over in the shower, I nearly pitched forward. Thanks to my quick reflexes and the previous owners being disabled enough to install handles in the master shower, I was able to grab onto the bar and keep myself from falling over.

Tom's out weeding now and brought in my coffee. It's that 40-pack of K-Cups where each one is a different flavor.

I'm better now, but I woke up surprisingly short of breath, and my chest was slightly achy. My AHI score was up to 6.6 too, for some reason. The thing is, I noticed the shortness of breath before falling asleep, and it seems to be worse lying down. I also noticed my nose being a little stuffier since going back on my steroid spray, so I decided to back off on it for now. Besides, I still have to ask my glaucoma doctor if it's OK to use this stuff anyway, since it can affect eye pressure.

I had good energy yesterday, but today I'm a little tired because my sleep was broken up yet again. I still don't understand what's causing this. I've learned that I can't take nothing at all before bed and expect to sleep straight through. I usually take melatonin these days and occasionally pair it with half a clonazepam, but I fell asleep without anything. It took melatonin and half a clonazepam to get me back to sleep, and it took about an hour.

I've got the first chapter of my latest book written, and hopefully I'll have enough energy later on to do another chapter.

My eyes are still watery and itchy at times, but that's another question for my glaucoma doctor.

It's a beautiful day in the hood today! Yeah, especially when the honker leaves in the wee hours of the night before.

When the ghosting guilt over Andy sets in, I remind myself that the guy who knew me all my life, and therefore should have known me better, called me a liar and an "excuse queen" when I told him about my sleep disorder. Yet Todd, whom I've only known for roughly a decade, has never judged or doubted anything I've told him. So you tell me… who makes the better friend?

Tom finished the pressure washing, and I saw him cleaning the inside of the car, which tells me he's on his way out for the summer, too.

Managed to get a bit of a head start on my next book and might work on it more later. 

My schedule seems to be evening out again, just as Tom assured me it would, which actually makes me more comfortable because it's what I'm familiar with. I'd rather go back to stressing over having to sleep during prime storm time than have my body doing anything that isn't normal.

I stupidly decided to take a break from the CPAP last night, and snorted myself awake a couple of times, so I masked back up. Like it or not, the thing works. I doubt that would have happened if I were elevated, but I prefer to sleep flat. I'd rather use the damn thing and sleep in a position I'm more comfortable in than the other way around.

The honker is still here. He’s had his trailer door open a lot, and I wonder if that’s a good sign or not as far as him getting close to selling out. I went back and reread the signs Chat gave me, and I’ve noticed a couple of others besides the measuring. Taking off for longer periods is one telltale clue, as is personalization like decorations. Well, the flags sure came down early this year. As Chat also said, don’t count on it, but there’s a 45 to 60% chance he’ll sell out within the next five years. I hope so, even though we could get something noisier that’s here full-time.

A white pickup is parked in front of Ray’s, and the honker has had his trailer door open for a while and sprayed something at the base of his place again. I just want the bastard gone!

Although highly unlikely, I realize part of his rage may be because he discovered my blogs and didn’t like what I had to say about him. I’ve tightened the security on most of them, not because I’m afraid of him, since that’s on him, but because I just don’t like the idea of those I know or live with reading my shit unless it’s my bestie along with Christine. I’d like the rest of the people who read me to be strangers or close enough. I don’t know why I’ve come to feel this way, but where I used to be an open book, I just feel it’s no one’s business. Or at least when it comes to certain people. This isn’t a forever thing, though. I’m sure I’ll be much more public later on down the road.

Where the honker is the ultimate poster boy for the grumpy old man, my husband is the ultimate poster boy for a nerd. He created a local AI that he plans to train to do more and more things, and it's way cool.

Where things started to look promising in the sleep and energy tracker I was keeping, bad energy is once again outweighing good energy. :( I got "chipmunked" awake. It happened twice, and this was the second sleep in a row that I had this issue with the pressure setting at 8.4. So, back down to 8.0 I go. What is it with me only being able to partially treat myself? I can only treat my thyroid partially, I can only treat my lady issues so much, and it seems I can only treat my sleep apnea so much as well. However, my AHI score doesn’t usually go over 5, and that’s what matters most, along with how I feel. I’m sure I would have felt better had I gotten the extra hours of sleep I needed. When I get woken up toward the end of my sleep, it’s harder to get back to sleep. I just really, really hope to hell I don’t gain any more weight or that my sleep apnea gets worse! If I suddenly needed a pressure setting of 10 to get my AHI score under 5 or lower, I’d be pretty fucked, especially since I can’t seem to get a mouth guard. I'd have no choice but to get the Inspire.

Got an awesome deal for 8 bucks from Walmart. It’s this little battery-operated mini diffuser. It will be interesting to see how long it lasts. Lavender & Almond Blossom is so pretty!

Either a miracle is going on, or a new health issue is. I just can’t sleep as long as I used to! However, my sleep score has been consistently higher despite feeling fatigued. The problem is that my schedule is rolling slower, and that could screw up my appointments. If this keeps up, we’re going to have to tweak the program I use when making appointments. I was tired all day yesterday until it got close to the end of my day, and I wonder how much of it was because I only slept 6 hours versus the melatonin and clonazepam. I slept for 7 hours last time around, but I’m still tired. 

I have the CPAP pressure at 8.4 now, and I might have had a mouth fart, but I’m not sure. I’ll leave it on the setting for tonight, but if it happens again, I’ll have to lower it back to 8. 

I read a supposed fact that says that the most common emotion in dreams is anxiety, not happiness. Wow, so I’m normal after all? 

The honker’s still here, and I’m still a little annoyed, although not surprised, that Irma opened her mouth. I should have known better, though I’m as annoyed with myself as I am with her. Because I’m just as guilty of gossiping as she is, I’m not mad enough to delete her, even though I didn’t betray her and share what she told me with others other than in my journal and Tom. I stupidly think that when someone confides in me, it stays between us, and therefore, I expect the same respect and return, yet I rarely get it. I can't be 100% sure she shared our discussions with others, but I'd say there's a pretty good chance she did.

Just looked at the forecast now that I’m on days, and sure enough, there isn’t the slightest hint of rain for the next week.

I still can't figure out what's going on with my sleep. It hasn't been overly fragmented where I keep waking up a lot, which is good. I can breathe again, which is also good. But I'm still waking up too soon and not always able to fall back asleep, and sometimes have insomnia. I couldn't fall asleep for 18 hours yesterday and only slept for 6. Yet as tired as I still was, I couldn't fall back asleep. Had it been 3-4 hours into my sleep, I might have taken half a clonazepam, but I thought I had slept too long for that to be worth taking. 

I woke up from a dream about my glaucoma doctor's assistant telling me my eye pressure was up, although I don't know why it would be the assistant telling me that and not the doctor himself. But on the paper she was holding, my weight was listed as only 119 lb, so I'm not worried that it's a bad sign, lol.

As expected, even though I've eaten less and fewer carbs, my weight isn't budging.

The Honker got his trailer! Tom was out pressure-washing, and Toni, who was happily chatting away with herself, was doing something in one of her storerooms. 

Tom told me something pretty funny that happened. Whenever he holds the pressure washer a certain way, it makes a beeping-like sound. Apparently, some bird in a nearby tree thought he was talking to it because whenever it would make that sound, the bird would answer back, lol.

So Toni and I chatted for a bit when we were toward the front of our places and in between them. The Honker disconnected the trailer after parking it in his carport, and then, as he was backing in his truck next to it, he looked right at me, but he had sunglasses on, so if he glared at me angrily, it was hard to tell. It looked more like a neutral glance.

Anyway, he usually leaves after midnight, and it probably won't be tonight, but within the next day or two, the bastard should be out of sight and out of mind for 6.5 months.

Colleen posted something about having to cancel some event she hosts because of a family matter. I definitely haven't seen as much of her lately. I still have mixed emotions about her. If she's the reason he only took the motorcycle out twice this year, not counting the times he unloaded and then loaded it, I love her for it. But if they broke up, that might entice him to move on...or make him noisier if he stuck around with more time on his hands. I don't know, though, because they get half a year off from each other, and because she's married, that may actually enable them to get along forever for all I know.

The new dish towels came today, which are better than expected because the button is actually a snap, and that's easier to fasten than a regular button. 

My eucalyptus mint candle, however, is disappointing because it doesn't smell anything like eucalyptus or mint. But it does have a pleasant enough smell, whatever it is, so it won't go to waste.

To finish up with yesterday's dental visit, I was there for a couple of hours, but it didn't seem nearly that long. That was the easiest, quickest crown I ever got! There are gaps in my memory, and it seems like I waited longer for the novocaine to take effect than it took for her to work on me. It seemed to take less than 2 minutes for her to fill my tooth and not much longer to grind the other tooth for the crown, even though I know it takes a long time to grind it down.

The nitrous oxide was a nasal mask similar to my CPAP mask. As they told me and as I read online, your hands and feet kind of tingle a little, but you don't care. You don't really care about anything, even though you're alert and able to answer questions and follow instructions. After she put the temp crown on, she warned me not to jump up once she took the mask off because it takes a few minutes for the dizzying effects to wear off. It was weird, though, because when she elevated the chair, it almost felt like a cold hand slid down my upper back. Anyway, I go back on the 28th for the permanent crown.

Unfortunately, I'll have to wait 5 weeks before I can see my glaucoma doctor, but on the 21st, I'll be having that virtual appointment to go over my meds and all that with a woman named Latisha for 250 points to use toward goodies on my insurance site. I was amazed to see that the candle I want normally goes for $75! I'd love to see what a $75 candle smells like, but it doesn't look like I'm going to make an additional 250 points to give me enough for it by getting a mammogram in addition to CAC testing, because when I called to schedule that, they said they don't take my insurance. Then why does it say on the insurance site that they give points for that? Maybe it's a recent change, but it's better this way. Yes, I would have liked the points, but it's not worth the hassles of yet another appointment due to my sleep and schedule issues, especially schedule issues, and if, God forbid, there was anything wrong, even though I'm 99.9% sure I'm fine, I don't want to know it. As long as I can breathe, sleep (even if it's not always well), and I'm not having off-the-charts anxiety that borders on sheer terror, I just want to live until I don't.

I looked around at the merchandise available on the insurance site out of curiosity, and since I'm not likely to accumulate enough points for the candle, I decided I would try these charcoal toothbrushes that are supposed to be a simple, straightforward way to whiten teeth. That sure would be nice, rather than the pain-in-the-ass abrasive UV bleach kit I've got. But charcoal is abrasive as well, so they only recommend you do it a few times a week. I'm just curious to see if it works. They look like regular toothbrushes that you just dampen and dip into charcoal powder, then brush your teeth for 2 minutes as you normally would. Seems quite simple with no mess.

I'm still having breaks in the middle of my sleep, and I don't know why. They're definitely more likely to happen if I don't take anything before bed, or the only thing I take is melatonin. If I knew clonazepam could be taken every day, I wouldn't hesitate to take it, but it does stop working after a while if you overdo it. Last night I fell asleep with nothing and had to take half a clonazepam and melatonin to get back to sleep. Next time around, I'll pop a couple of melatonin, which will be 10 mg, and see if I still wake up. I'll have half a clonazepam at the ready on my headboard shelf if I do. Maybe that's something I can discuss with Latisha. From what I researched, there really isn't much else I can do for my sleep. It's just not meant to be normal, and I knew I would have other issues once I got my breathing under control. I swear there's something up there hellbent on cursing it.

The other night, I dreamed we moved, and in the dream, I thought to myself, so much for being sure we would never move. I don't know where we moved to, but in real life, I just don't see that happening. Sure, it would have been nice to have a newer, bigger place with a view of a lake or something, but that's just not happening. Even if it were all paid for, the monthly expenses would be higher. This place is good, though, for what we can afford. The skies are noisy, but the grounds are quiet most of the time. I definitely don't like some of the people around here, but I've been in worse places with worse neighbors. This is definitely the best climate I've ever lived in, too. Part of me wishes we could run up to Canada where they have universal health care, but that climate would kill me, and they don't take older people.

Since Wednesday is shopping day, I got a new Village candle - Eucalyptus spearmint. Plus, a couple of new dish towels. These have buttons to secure to the oven's handle. The Velcro ones we have just don't stay put that well.

I'm starting to wonder if LJ is on its last leg. According to some Reddit reports, it could be. It takes multiple tries for me to pull up my profile because it often times out. When I do get in, it takes forever, so I said fuck it. The question is whether or not I want to use my DW account regularly rather than just for monthly updates. The only thing I don't like about that site is that I can't search my entries.

The honker's golf cart disappeared yesterday. Someone who lives here holds it for him when he's gone. That means the trailer that pulls his motorcycle should be arriving anytime now. What was weird was that I saw him take a tape measure and measure from the ground to the middle of the top of his carport roof. I wonder if he got a new trailer, but if he did, shouldn't he have measured beforehand? 

God, I hate that bastard! I always look forward to his departure. Yes, he was unusually quiet this year, and I loved him being gone for over a month, but he's just so angry and unfriendly. In fact, I felt so much rage with the way he glared at me, even though it may seem silly for me to have felt that way, that I almost wished he would give me a reason to unleash my dark side. Oh, I'd probably lose in the end, but it would still feel good, childish or not. 

I totally regret attempting to be kind and saying hi. That was so dumb of me. I feel like I should have known better and not wasted my time. Once someone decides they hate you, that's the way it usually stays. The question is why? I still don't know why there's so much animosity on his part. If it really is over the comments I left on his wall bashing the US healthcare system, then he's not just mean and unfriendly, he's deranged.

I don't think that's it, though. I think there's more to it. I wrote down every possibility I could think of, being the curious person that I am, although certainly not curious enough to ask him since I don't give a shit what his problem is at the same time I'm curious, and I came up with five possibilities: the comment on his wall, a comment in the group I might have made, me asking Colleen a question, Irma possibly opening her mouth when I admitted to her that I didn't like him, or he found my blog and didn't like what I had to say about him. He's not entirely dumb. He could easily figure out that I'm talking about him when I mention the "honker." I just can't see him looking me up, though, because I don't see him being that curious. If you don't give a damn about someone, why would you look them up? The comment on his profile doesn't seem to fit his anger, so that leaves something about the group or Irma. It was just as dumb of me to confide in her as it was for me to say hi to the bastard. It's just that she always asks me about Ray or mentions things about Toni, so I threw that in there. From now on, though, if it's something personal or negative, I'll keep it to myself and my blog. I'm somewhat more private with blogging, though it's not like I'm pointing the blog out to anyone. If they look it up, find it and don't like anything they see, that's on them. I'm not running, and I'm not hiding.

Since I have Chat correct my entries, I just now asked it to analyze this entry and make its best guess as to what the honker's problem is, and its top guess is that Irma has loose lips. Its last guess is that he found my blog. It thinks he's naturally an asshole and hostile, and that it isn't that I did anything major. I definitely agree! It also advised me this, which I also very much agree with.

Don’t feed it

Don’t confide in mutuals

Don’t try to win him over

Don’t ask why

Keep interactions neutral, brief, and rare

I don't think I could take its advice and control myself, though, if I were threatened because it's just instinct and more or less like a reflex for me to automatically want to challenge the person so as not to appear weak, on top of the fact that I have my own anger issues. Too many memories of not being able to fight back in the past for one reason or another would come flying back and cause me to react way before I even knew it.

Another thing it gave me was a guesstimate of a 45% to 50% chance that he'll move within the next few years. It said that people like him usually don't give many signs before they leave, but simply up and leave, and one of the telltale signs is measuring. And I just saw him measuring the carport!

On the way to get my crown done and my first taste of laughing gas. It's raining out and surprisingly cool, but a nice change from the usual warm sun. Yesterday and the day before, my eyes weren't too bad, but now they're back to being watery, and I have a headache as well. I'll have to let the dentist know I've had drainage issues since surgery. Didn't want to take ibuprofen in case it somehow interacts with the gas, though I doubt it would. I brought it with me, so I'll ask when I get there if I can take it then. Meanwhile, I definitely need to call my glaucoma doctor.

Later… nitrous oxide rocks! I even tolerated novocaine with it. I can see where carbocaine is better for simple fills, but novocaine is better for big jobs like pulls and crowns. 

A beautiful woman who sort of reminds me of Officer P assisted the dentist. As with anything I'm having for the first time around, I was a little nervous about the gas, but it was great and even helped with the jittery effects of the novocaine. She first got me set up in the chair and started me with just plain oxygen. I knew when she switched on the gas because she not only said so, but there was a mild odor. It was a lot like having a little too much wine, lol. She asked if I wanted my filling done at the same time, which was nice, even though that turned $500 into $600.

Then she took an impression of the tooth, and the dentist jumped in and numbed me. Luckily, I didn't know right when she was going to shoot me, but it didn't hurt like when she pulled the back tooth.

I'd say the Honker isn't done power washing his place after all. He still has his hose wheel on the side of his place.

I also noticed Ray put a bunch of cardboard on top of his trash bin. Is that because he doesn't bother recycling anything, or because he doesn't plan to be here on Wednesday, which is recycling day?

Couldn't bring myself to sleep elevated, so I went back down flat and masked up.

I took a full clonazepam and two melatonin before bed, and I didn't have any breaks in my sleep. However, I only beat the clock by an hour, and I'm still not sleeping as long as I normally do. I didn't even sleep for seven hours. I still don't know why this is happening. Like I said before, I'm almost tempted to try to hold my schedule. It's just that I can't get a break between appointments.

My eyes were better yesterday after showering, but I woke up with them a little oozy and itchy. That's another thing I can't explain.

That Honker is one mean, angry, and hateful dude. Luckily for him, he didn't do anything, but omg, I didn't realize just how much he hated me until yesterday, lol. Tom was out watering the yard while the honker was making the usual preparations that he makes shortly before he leaves. He blew his driveway, trimmed things, sprayed weeds, raked leaves, power-washed his place, etc. At one point, I laughed at something Tom and I were discussing, and he glanced over at me with quite a glare but didn't say anything. His movements continued to be angry and somewhat aggressive as he worked. As I've said before, I can totally see him getting arrested for assault like he did. This is a guy with very serious anger issues, and I wouldn't put it past him to attack me if I even dared flip him off, not that I would. Really, if I went up to the foot of his driveway and shouted at him, I can't see him simply telling me to fuck off or even just shoving me, but literally punching, kicking, and stomping me. I don't see him ever trying to harm me for real, but if he considers it, I hope to hell he knows that he's not the only one with a temper, I will fight back one way or another, even if that means having to get a weapon to do it, and he's not from here, I am. Then again, this is the US, and the US considers outsiders before it considers its own. I certainly won't do anything to provoke him, but God help him if he provokes me in any way. The courts may not care where he's from, and something up there may have always protected my perps throughout my life, but I promise to correct that should anyone ever fuck with me again in the future.

I did do one dumb thing, though. Initially, I was proud of myself for not trying to fix things with the Honker when he deleted me on Facebook. The old me would have messaged him to try to find out why, wanting to get along, etc. Well, I stupidly said hello to him at one point, which was stupid because he already made it clear to me that he wants nothing to do with me, and he doesn't deserve any kindness from me either. The weird thing was his rather dramatic reaction. He didn't say a word, but his head kind of lowered and shook from one side to the other before he quickly turned away as if ready to blow a fuse. Just as a car was passing and I had my back to him, heading for the door, I heard him angrily bark orders at his mutt. The reaction was as if to say, why are you even thinking of talking to me? Or you've got a lot of nerve. Or don't you dare talk to me... that kind of thing.

The question is, why does he harbor so much hatred and anger toward me? Certainly, it can't be because I bashed the US's healthcare on his wall last year. Temper or not, anger issues or not, his reaction suggests there's more to it, and I have a number of guesses, from things I've posted in the park group to asking his GF a question. Maybe Irma shared that I was asking about him. That was another stupid mistake of mine, gossiping about him. That's what the park group post was about too, in which he might not have liked my comment on. Someone was saying something to the effect of, go ahead and gossip about me all you want; it shows me how fascinating I must be. I commented with knowing that I've been gossiped about, what was said, and who said it, even though that's a bit of an exaggeration. Then I added that some people didn't have the balls to tell me directly what their problem was with me because they were afraid of my temper, which is very likely true in some cases. Otherwise, why wouldn't they have come to me? The Honker probably isn't afraid of anyone, but neither am I. I know this sounds rather defensive, but I'm not kidding when I say if he or anyone else fucks with me, they'll regret the day they were born.

I also realize that he could have found any of my blogs and posts about him, but I don't see him being interested in looking up my accounts. I'll just forever ignore him, and hopefully he'll let me do the same for his own good. I just worry that he's going to make up for lost time next year with long, loud, annoying projects on top of more motorcycle rides. At least I should have a break from him any day now. I looked back in last year's journal, and he got the trailer 8 days after doing what he did yesterday, and then left 2 days later. So he may be here until the 15th.

Although I've had neighbors that were far worse, it kind of sucks that we're going to have what will amount to many years with him. I'm 99% sure we'll always be in Florida and 98% sure we'll always be in this house. If he lives as long as Tom does, and if that's to the mid-80s, then we're looking at being stuck with him for another 8 years in total. I read that Canadian snowbirds usually stop snowbirding in their mid-70s to early 80s, but this guy seems so healthy—another thing that's so not fair—that I can easily see him coming down into his 80s. And again, between the housing market and Colleen, why would he want to leave? 

I hate to think of what kind of corrupt cop he must have been. It's a job I can totally see him going for. I read that quite often it's aggressive people who get into police work, so they have an excuse to act out their aggressiveness. I wouldn't be surprised if he indulged in a little police brutality along the way, but like here, and no doubt in most places, he could get away with it. Well, you're not a pig anymore, and you're not from here. Fuck with me, buddy, and I'll make sure you go down hard!

Over an hour later... We're not blocked on Facebook, and I can see he's on now. Too pissed off at me to sleep?

Also, I could have sworn I heard footsteps behind the house a little while ago. I mean, I can't say for sure that's what I heard, but then I got to thinking of the honker. Am I just being paranoid, or is he the type that would try to get some form of revenge on me, simply because he hates me, be it legally or illegally? Well, it wouldn't be legal unless he managed to fabricate some very convincing evidence. I won't continue on with what would happen if he did. I'll just say that if anything happened, I would hope Tom wouldn't defend him, but of course he would.

I have many cyber friends, but my current bestie definitely makes the internet more fun. Back when Aly was alive, she and crazy Kim, along with a couple of others, would use the same sites every day, like Twitter, the old MyOpera, Ask, NaNoWriMo, and others. Then Aly died, and Kim was prevented from going online because of all the trouble she would cause, and the internet became a bit of a lonely place. Sure, I would check Facebook to see if I had messages, but most of those I considered friends, both of whom I'd met and never met, weren't people I checked in with regularly. So it's definitely nice to have a friend to enjoy the different sites and apps we may discover.

Funny how as soon as I get my nose opened up, the breaks in my sleep get worse. Yesterday I had amazingly good energy and did some cleaning, cooking, and other things. But then suddenly, I got really tired and ended up napping. I remained tired for the rest of the day yet had trouble falling asleep. So fucking sick of this combination of fatigue and insomnia! 

Last time around, I woke up thanks to my mask slipping a couple of times and hissing, and then again a little over 6 hours into my sleep, and was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep. However, I did fall back asleep about 60 to 90 minutes later. This break in sleep is what leaves me tired. I should have taken melatonin or half a clonazepam to prevent such a long break in my sleep. I don't know why this keeps happening. Again, it's something I'm going to have to discuss with Rhonda, but it's more than likely just how I am, and there isn't much I can do about it. I'm just going to have to learn to accept that I'm not going to get my old energy back, any more than changing tactics by going more Atkins is going to get weight off with my dead metabolism. Sometimes things change, and they just don't go back.

I'm toying with the idea of sleeping elevated without the CPAP to see if I suffocate awake and what my energy levels are like. Waterbeds are more comfortable, but if throwing my old mattress on an adjustable frame would be sufficient for me to breathe well enough without the CPAP, it may be worth considering. I asked AI for its opinion, and it thinks that now that I got my nose opened up, and my sleep apnea is mild to moderate, I may have a good chance as long as I stay off my back. The only problem with this is that I wouldn't be able to sleep on my stomach. I could flatten the bed for naps, though, since I'm now able to take them without the CPAP and without nearly as many breathing issues.

Hotel Honker may or may not be closed. I saw him take his daughter and her husband somewhere yesterday morning and heard him honk back in while I was in the bedroom. I didn't see who got out of the truck, but it didn't seem like they were gone long. I'm amazed they've been doing things together and that he hasn't been taking the motorcycle out. Anyway, I don't know if he brought them to the airport yet or not. 

My father would be 90 years old today if he were still alive.

Written yesterday... On my way to what I hope will be my last ENT appointment. I'm writing in my notebook and will get this online later or tomorrow. I've got to remember to ask if returning to my steroid spray really is worth it or not, and mention my eyes. Lately, they've been more itchy than watery. Again, a problem I never had before surgery. The question is, would a doctor admit or deny if it's connected to surgery? 

Just passed today's accident. Wonder how many more miles we'll get before we hit another one, if not construction.

So, back to my eyes. I read that watery, itchy eyes can be a sign of glaucoma, but usually you have other symptoms with it that luckily I don't have.

On the way back, after quite a bit of waiting. Thank God for smartphones! The TV was annoying in the waiting room, and the exam room was chilly. The doctor sprayed that numbing stuff up my nose that makes my throat sore, scoped it, and said everything is healing well. There's no exposed bone or anything. Both ears look good, too. 

The problem is my eyes. He looked at them and said he saw a couple of things (I can't remember the medical terms he used) that weren't normal. He said he couldn't say if it was connected to whatever they used in my as they were prepping me for surgery because he didn't partake in that part.

I asked if I should go back on the Flonase, and he said I should for a year. However, since I'm a glaucoma suspect, he recommended seeing my glaucoma doctor, especially since some glaucoma docs are antsy about Flonase. I guess it can raise eye pressure. I hope my eyes won't be my next long-term problem! I don't think I have glaucoma setting in, but an ophthalmologist would know more about whatever is messing up my eyes than an ENT.

I asked him if the turbinates would grow back, and he said they could, but he highly doubted they would because he reduced them so much. This was a relief to hear!

At the end of our visit, I asked if he reads his Google reviews, telling him I wanted to give him a glowing review, and he seemed delighted by the idea. He said he sees about 30 patients a day, does surgery one day a week, yet with the thousands of patients he sees, he's lucky if he gets maybe three reviews. With a laugh, he added that some were mean. Yeah, LOL, I saw that. Anyway, I should never have to see the wonderful Dr. T again, even though he said he'd be there if I needed him.

We're at BK now. Tom's getting our order, and I'm in the car. I have the windows open to save on the battery, and while it's warm and humid, there's a pleasant breeze going, so it's okay.

Written this morning... Finally got some time to catch up on writing. Anyway, I'll miss my ENT because he's such a likable guy. He's unique for a doctor. I won't miss all the appointments, though. I just hope my eyes aren't going to be my next long-term problem, like I said, because I do still worry about being hit with something else that lasts 4 to 8 years, like most of my problems. At least that's the way it's been for over a decade now. If it is, then as long as I don't go blind, this is easier than not being able to breathe or sleep.

My overall sleep score has gone up due to being able to breathe better, and it's slowing the roll of my schedule, too. Where it's normally free-running, as they call it, it's more entrained, even though that doesn't mean my sleep disorder is cured. There's no cure for it. But I went from my days being an average of 1 hour and 20 minutes to 1 hour and 40 minutes to barely an hour. I'm also not sleeping as long, and I wonder if that's because I'm sleeping better. I may not be like I was in my twenties or thirties, but I'm managing to function.

Had a really weird experience a couple of days ago. My desk is white, and Tinkerbella's old bedding was gray. We used to use recycled paper for her bedding. I glanced down and saw what I first thought was a piece of bedding sitting on the bottom shelf. I don't know what to think, though, because the piece was the right texture and color, but a little long. It was almost L-shaped too, and there was a thin piece of tape or plastic on the end of it. I asked Tom if he thought it could be bedding, and he said that while he did find a couple of irregular-shaped pieces every now and then, he wasn't any more sure than I was as to what it could be. Sure was strange the way it suddenly appeared.

Ask me anything anonymously! It can be personal or not. It can be naughty or nice. I'm open to anything, and I'm not sensitive.

https://tellonym.me/user.jodilin

I've got mashed potatoes cooking in the slow cooker now. I added the usual ingredients... milk, butter, garlic salt, pepper, and rosemary. I hope I didn't overdo the rosemary. More came flying out of the bottle than expected. I tried to get some of it out, but there's still quite a bit.

The honker returned at almost 11:30 PM. I can't swear to it, but I thought I only heard one car door, and I didn't see anyone else. Besides, that's a little late to be out with a little kid, so I wonder if he dropped them off at the airport. On the other hand, I've never known his family to stay just a few days. They usually stay for a week or two. Once the kids are in school, I wonder if it will be harder for them to make their yearly trips. Then again, they probably have more time off from both school and work in Canada.

To my surprise, I haven't heard the motorcycle yet. Starting to wonder if the lack of motorcycle and projects is because he's had some type of injury.

My eyes have still been a little itchy, so I ordered some antihistamine eye drops from Amazon along with a set of 6 holographic nail polishes. Right now, I only have two sets of nail stickers left. I'll probably alternate between nail polish and nail stickers, but of course, the stickers will last longer. They're just more work to apply. I'm pretty good and fast at doing them, though, so I don't mind.

Originally, I thought I had a back injury and injured sciatica, but now I'm pretty sure it's caused by the waterbed. I saved and saved so I could have less back pain and more comfort. Well, I got the comfort, but now I'm right back to the back pain. Definitely going to have to deal with that, but most importantly, we've got to get my crown taken care of and then the refrigerator and toilet. The old refrigerator is still holding up, but only as a refrigerator. It can't freeze anymore, which is why we got the freezer. Once we get the new refrigerator, we'll move this freezer out into the lanai.

I had a dream that I was younger and dating another woman who wasn't very nice to me. We seemed to be in our 20s. We were at a fair when she showed me these giant spiders. They totally creeped me out, even though their bodies were kind of frog-like. At one point, she grabbed a handful and started chasing me with them.

Then I had a dream that I lived in a large, luxurious house somewhere. I was on the second floor when I heard giggling outside. The clock said it was 1:00 AM. I got up and looked out the window and saw three high school-age girls at the side of the road. Then I saw them come into our yard, snatch a cushion off one of our lounges, pull it out onto a patch of grass, and lie down on it. I had turned the light off so I could see outside better, but then I turned it on, hoping they would see me and run, although the dream ended then.

Then I had another dream about being on the second or third floor of an apartment building, but I'm not sure what that was about.

Here we go again with the bed and back issues. I have no regrets about getting a waterbed, but I totally regret getting a shallow soft-side with tubes. We have other more important things going on at the moment, like my crown, getting the new refrigerator, water filter, and dealing with the toilet, but as soon as we can ever get a break between things breaking, we talked about building a hard side. Buying a hard side would cost way more, so we realized we're better off having Lowe's cut wood to the size we want and doing it ourselves. I definitely want something deeper and a single full-wave bladder rather than tubes.

Just like with my previous mattresses that weren't waterbeds, there's a bit of a dent forming where I sleep. I don't think the black foam underneath is breaking down, but I think the foam in the cover could be. To boost me up a bit more, I wedged some memory foam between the black foam covering the tubes and the soft cover. Not sure if this is going to help my back, though. I've been waking up with lower back pain as the bed gets saggier and appears to be losing water when in fact the sides are actually stretching. Part of it could also be the foam breaking down. I'm a little worried that I might overheat this way, but we'll find out.

Damn, do I miss the old hard-side king-size waterbed I had in Arizona! It was so much easier to make as well. I just threw a piece of foam on top of it, then a cover sheet over that, and simply stuffed it down along the sides. You can put regular sheets on soft-sides, but because it's so soft and the mattress is only 8" thick, they slip and bunch.

They say it's going to be wetter this summer here. Oh, of course it will be. Now that my nose is done and I'm not suffocating awake, why not throw in more thunderstorms to wake me up with those instead? As it is, I'm pretty tired today because I was up longer than I wanted to be due to a 90-minute power failure. It would have been worse if it had happened the day before, though.

My eyes are still a little oozy and itchy, so I don't know if this is a permanent side effect of surgery or not. I just wish I had been warned up front. That's my only complaint. When trying to take a nap earlier without the CPAP, I could see that even if I didn't need a CPAP anymore, I would probably have to sleep with nose strips because even though my nose is much more open, it's not like it used to be. Even Tom has noticed a difference over the years, since everyone has a degree of nasal valve collapse as they age.

I'm no longer sure eggs really help with energy because the last two or three times I had them, they didn't seem to make a difference. I've been making them for Tom because the plasma place recommended he have that a few days before protein testing to help boost his protein levels.

I was a little frustrated to wake up to find a voice message from my insurance company. I was like, why do I have to do any health work now? So I called them back, and all they wanted to do was tell me the same thing they sent me a letter about, and that was to set up either a virtual appointment or have a nurse come out, and I would receive 250 points for it. As I told her, they already notified me about this, and I do plan to schedule it just as soon as I get my dental and ENT appointments out of the way. Or at least the ENT and the first dental appointment. The second one will just be to have the permanent crown placed.

Just like it always has to storm when I'm sleeping, or threaten to, the honker has to have his daughter visit, which means he's almost certainly going to take the motorcycle out while I'm sleeping. I swear, if that thing wakes me up, I'm knocking on his window in the middle of the night after his company leaves! It should be OK, though, if I turn up the volume a bit, and as long as he doesn't rev the shit out of it, which isn't something he normally does. But it's going to have to be revved to a degree, from what I've learned, because it's been sitting there for months. So, I got out of having to listen to projects this year, but not the visitor-caused motorcycle runs while he gives them the truck to go off on their own to do whatever. It's the married one with the toddler. Really thought he was going to skip visitors this year as well because of how long he was gone, but instead, he just delayed it. Last year, he left on Apr 8, and I have a feeling he's going to leave later than that this time around, since his company usually stays a week or two, and he's going to need time to prep to leave. Colleen has been in and out of the picture as well.

Anyway, when everybody's tucked in bed for the night, including Tom, I should be finishing up my book.

The night before last, I took half a clonazepam and melatonin to sleep and didn't have broken-up sleep. Last night, I took Benadryl before crashing because I was a little sneezy, my eyes were still a little watery, and they were a bit itchy. Sure enough, there was a break in my sleep about five hours in, and I had to take half of a clonazepam. So the next time I talk to Rhonda in July, I'm definitely going to have to bring that up and try to see why I'm having this problem of waking up. Now I'm not sure if the Levo or the estrogen cream is causing this. I was also cold a couple of times. Between being cold and the scale being up a bit, I don't see how my TSH could be that low.

My AHI score has been skirting above and below 5. I was at 2.8 last time around, which is the lowest since septo surgery.

Not remembering much in the way of dreams. Something about going to a hotel on vacation with Melanie and then staying somewhere with Jessie, although we weren't in the same room. I went into her room at one point to ask to borrow some nail polish I'd seen on a shelf, and she said I could borrow it. So I looked for this nail polish I couldn't find that I swore I saw a moment ago, and then she blackmailed me with something written on a large index card, saying she'd share the info if I failed to return the polish. I didn't want her to know how much it bothered me to have that information leaked, so I claimed I didn't care who knew about it. The piece of paper had X's on the corners, and I kept tapping them as though that would make it go away, like on a computer screen. Then I asked when she was leaving, and she said 10:30. I assumed that was several days from then and wondered how I would manage to keep a schedule until then.

I'm watching 48 Hours now on Paramount, and one of the episodes is about a boy who killed his twin sister while sleepwalking. I've heard of other sleepwalking murder cases, but I'm not buying it. It takes conscious thought to carry out such precise actions. I think it's just a bullshit cover, just like the multiple personality thing where people want to act out and claim it was their "other" personality that did whatever evil deed it supposedly did, which they conveniently can't remember.

Last night I had a very productive writing night and wrote over 3500 words. Didn't sleep well, so I'm not going to do much writing tonight. My sleep got broken up again with an hour and a half break in between. Really thinking more and more that that much is on the estrogen. I'm definitely a little hypo now because I've been cold and the scale is up a couple pounds. I think when I have too much levo, it causes me to wake up a lot, but the breaks in the middle of my sleep seem like they're on the estrogen, and I did use it the day before, too. I'll back off for a week and see what happens. Besides, I'd rather burn a little than deal with this shit. 

The best news is that I haven't had any breathing issues or leaks. The pressure setting is on 8, but I want to wait until after my appointments before I raise it some more, just in case there are any issues.

I can’t wait to get started on The Hospital Diaries, but I’m going to have to consult with AI on a few things. The premise is that the suspect doesn’t actually know she’s a suspect. I just need to figure out what her specific crime is. It has to be something serious, as she’s under constant surveillance in the hospital, even though they’re telling her it’s just to keep her "safe." I might use some characters from Them. I’m also thinking of a high-intensity prologue showing her escape, with the rest of the story focusing on the diaries. For the epilogue, I’m envisioning an aftermath where she taunts the authorities who are unable to find her.

My brilliant husband got a brilliant idea! He said it seems crazy at first, but when you think about it, it is an option. We could get a small, skinny refrigerator for a little over $200. It'd be 22" wide, so there would be room to put a narrow cabinet next to it (the opening is 36", so the cabinet could be up to 14" wide). I picked out a cabinet on Amazon that’s a foot wide for under $100 (it wouldn't hold much, but every little bit helps). The refrigerator also wouldn't stick out in front of the cabinet like this one does, and we think that would look better. It is kind of short, 55", but that would make it easier to put things on top. A smaller refrigerator would work for us because we get small deliveries twice a week and never have a lot in the refrigerator or freezer.

We would need to hire someone to haul the old one away. Even with that, he thinks we could replace the refrigerator and hire someone to install the bathroom floor and reset the toilet for less than the cost of a side-by-side refrigerator. We would lose the water dispenser, but we would probably have the money to install a filter on the sink.

Storible pissed me off last night. I thought I would backtrack and give a little life history. You get 10 minutes per story, so I talked about my childhood a bit. But when I stopped it at 9 minutes and 57 seconds, it told me my story had to be under 10 minutes, and it wouldn't post it. So I wasted my breath rambling on for nothing. I'll make sure I don't go over 9 minutes in the future, although I won't normally come even that close.

The honker is back. It will be interesting to see if he goes home around his usual time.

One skip and 2 cut waiting times, and I’m freezing! No more pill skips and cuts till next month. I say next month because I want to make sure  I get good lab results in July, but don't want to start ramping up too soon and then have to make skips too close to labs.

As always, there's been no rain or threat of rain with me on days. I would be willing to bet anything I own that as soon as I get back on nights, storms or at least the threat of them will be right back on. So glad I'm getting most of my appointments out of the way before prime storm season. I'm scheduled for my crown on April 7th. A few weeks after that, I get the permanent crown since she doesn't do same-day crowns.

We went to Walgreens earlier to pick up his prescription, but they were closed for lunch until 2:00. That's a late lunch. Anyway, he'll go back tomorrow, but I don't know if I'll be with him or not.

I didn't read it, but I saw a headline about Google and Meta being held accountable for people's addictions, and I'm like, come on! Why does everyone want to play the blame game and always hold the wrong people accountable for other people's actions? They didn't force anyone to use their stuff so much any more than I forced the Phoenix freeloaders to read my stuff. I hope they didn't dignify that shit by showing up in court, but being such big companies, I don't see how they could avoid it.

This is the first tired day I've had in a while where I'm just tired with no bursts of energy. A one-day skip followed by a time cut between food and drink the next day shouldn't be enough to leave me fatigued with the drug's half-life, AI said, but this, and the fact that my sleep has been less fragmented and I haven't felt as warm, can't be a coincidence, can it? It's pretty sad that the only way I can have energy is if it's nervous energy because there's too much levo in me. I was definitely on edge yesterday. I took magnesium, but it didn't help. Not even eating meat with tryptophan helped, but then again, I've never been able to do anything to stop anxiety whenever it comes on from this medication or back when I was going through menopause.

My eyes were OK yesterday, but today I've had a little more watering as well as on-and-off headaches; hopefully, it's just because I'm continuing to heal. The difference in my breathing has been amazing!

The redneck was fixing one of Toni’s storeroom doors, even though only Tom heard it and not me because I was on the other side of the house. Then, when he was out watering, a woman stopped and asked if he would tell Toni that what's coming up in her backyard is a tree and not a weed. She didn't want to knock on her door and make her struggle to come to it again. I relayed the message on Facebook.

I got the two candles from Walmart and the two from Amazon. One of the ones from Walmart is one I've had before. It was the one they gave us when we moved in here, yet its scent is very weak. The strawberry one is good, but its scent is also weak—just not as weak as the other one. That's what the warmers are here for, though; they usually bring out the weak smells.

The two from Amazon are sensational. One is syrupy sweet, and the other one really does smell like bread. I don't smell anything buttery with it, but it kind of reminds me of baguettes or dinner rolls. The accuracy is amazing.

Haha, Little Miss Be Happy just let her dog take a dump on the honker’s side yard, a couple of feet away from the “no poop” sign. Looks like she’s talking to Ray now. With Ray being so shy and bordering on unfriendly, I wonder what it is they talk about. Probably the next project they plan to do that I’ll have to listen to, although Ray should be gone in a few weeks. Except for Little Miss Be Happy, I’ve noticed that it tends to be the snowbirds who do more projects because they have money, and it takes money to be a snowbird.

I slept better last night, which further suggests that the levo was accumulating in my system too much for comfort. I might have had air escape my mouth too, but can’t remember for sure. If that’s the case, I’ll have to lower the pressure back down. It’s up to eight right now. I don’t understand why my AHI score has been six point something lately. How can that be if I’m breathing better and I’ve increased the pressure?

Kathy’s gone on a mama bear rampage again. She may be a bit of a bully herself, but from the screenshots she’s shown me, her daughter Nadia is basically getting a Molly/Kim treatment from another girl at school named Emerson. Interesting name, especially for a girl. Anyway, Emerson basically smothers the shit out of Nadia and interferes with Nadia’s activities, like soccer games, which Kathy says she’s pretty good at. So Nadia got fed up, dumped her, and blocked her everywhere she could. I naturally tend to side with Kathy, being such a longtime cyber friend and feeling like I’m watching her kids grow up and getting to know them through all of her posts. Nonetheless, the fact that she shared Emerson’s YouTube channel link with me shows she hasn’t changed much. I know she was hoping I would troll the kid, but of course, I won’t. I downvoted a couple of things, but that’s it. The kid is a typical naive kid, like most of us were at that age. She loves her 15-year-old cyber boyfriend, who could be a 40-year-old for all she knows.

I returned the shoes, but instead of getting other shoes right away, I’m going to get a couple of Village candles. One will be Maple Butter, and the other will be Warm Buttered Bread. While I think soy is the worst kind of wax because it doesn’t bring out the smell as well when lit, I think the food-grade paraffin wax that Village Candle uses is great because it burns clean, and I haven’t even had to trim the wicks yet, even though I’ve burned the one I got from Treasure Mart a few times. Also, it’s very slow-burning because I’ve burned it for hours, yet it’s still full.

After Swell shut down—an app where you left audio clips about whatever you wanted to talk about—I started doing Spaces on X. Then I tried Ramblio, which sucked. Then my cyber bud told me about Storible, and I like it better than Swell! I’ll use it mostly when I’m on nights. It’s a little easier to navigate, and I like that unwanted invites aren't forced on us. I also like that people have to reply in text rather than with their voices, so I don’t have to sit and listen to long, rambling, repetitive replies.

Had to skip a dose, not because my med is making me anxious, but because it’s fucking with my sleep. I’ve also felt warm. It usually takes a couple of skips, but I don’t like to skip two days in a row. I think my thyroid levels are ramping up, and that’s why I’m having so many sleep disruptions, where it’s so fragmented and broken up where I’m up for an hour or two in the middle of my sleep. 

My eyes look like I no longer have to worry about any setbacks with that, but I still have some burning that has me worried I might still have a UTI. Besides, the leukocytes were up the last time. As long as it doesn’t get to be too big a deal and I don’t start having stomach or flank pain, I’ll just live with it because I’ve had it with pills and doctors. Hopefully, it’s just the usual menopausal bullshit, which can feel like infections.

I saw a video that was a reminder of precisely why I would never want to be in a nursing home. This wasn’t a nursing home, but a woman who just had to have an emergency C-section, who was filmed by her fiancé as a nurse told her, "All this drama is so unnecessary."

“I just lost my child,” the woman said. "I heard its heartbeat a little while ago, and then I lost it." 

“You want to be traumatized,” the despicable nurse said. 

Fortunately, the bitch lost her job. What a horrible way to treat someone! The point is that people like that aren’t just in jails, on police forces, or in places like Valleyhead. They’re everywhere. They're in every field imaginable, and that includes healthcare, a place you’d think they would be least likely to be.

I’ve completely given up on trying to get Tom to do things in and around the house. I asked him to dust and vacuum his room, but he won’t do it. He won’t take care of the weeds outside either. The only thing he’ll do is try to get grass to grow by adding seed and watering it, which he claims is to give himself more exercise, but I don’t buy it. He doesn’t do this kind of stuff unless he has to, and I’m afraid he’s just bowing down to the park and giving in to demands he’s not telling me about. He knows I’ll go storming down to that office to set things straight and remind them that we’re paying customers and too old to be told what to do if I find out there have been any complaints.

We were talking about what we would do if, God forbid, this place were ever wiped out by a hurricane. He mentioned U.S. territories, but not Puerto Rico, since it’s overpopulated there. I checked the cost of living and the number of storms per year on the inhabited territories, but it’s way too expensive, and I would be woken up by storms more there than I am here. West Virginia is pretty cheap, and it has some pros to it, but it would certainly be colder in the winters, and it seems healthcare is one of the worst things about it. That wouldn’t be good for people like me. The conversation stemmed from an article he read about retirees leaving Florida because it’s getting more expensive here. The problem is that most of the cheaper places are either way too cold or too scummy, with shitty healthcare and higher crime. I wouldn’t want to live in Georgia, Alabama, or Mississippi any more than I would want to live in Wyoming, Montana, or Minnesota.

I’ve got to start having three eggs a day. Yesterday and the day before, I noticed I had more energy, and on both days I had eggs. That keeps coming up on the list when I ask AI what is best for energy. Today I’m a little tired because I had a one-hour break in my sleep. I don’t know how the hell to stop that from happening. That leaves me more tired than waking up for a minute multiple times throughout my sleep. My sleep wasn’t fragmented other than that big break and having to get up and pee earlier. If I could just stop the middle-of-the-night wake-ups, it would really help because already I’m seeing major improvement in my breathing, and that right there is helping my energy levels as well as cognitive function. I got the CPAP aspect of what was making me so tired, I got my nose opened up, I got my TSH lower, so now I just have to figure out how to improve the quality of the sleep itself. Of course, with my shit luck, there will just be something else or more noise if I do.

Dumped my ViviBook account and created another one to see if I would get initial free credits, and I did. So I can create one book whenever I feel like it, as long as it’s before April 21st.

Got my shoes yesterday, but they were too small, so I’m returning them. I’ll try one more time to get something that fits, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll shop in person somewhere. It sucks that Payless went out of business. They were great.

It’s now been over a month since the honker took off, and we’re starting to think more and more that someone he knows got sick. I’m guessing one of his parents. At the risk of sounding horribly selfish, and even though he was unusually quiet this year, it couldn’t have happened at a better time. I just hope he doesn’t make up for lost time when he comes back and stays later into the year, but I don’t see why he would do that. It’s kind of ironic, though, that I just finished writing a book about him being haunted, having spells put on him, and being driven out of here, and then he takes off.

It really gets to me that, in a place that's so much quieter than the old place, I can't enjoy the peace and quiet because I have to have fans, air cleaners, and whatnot running to drown out all the fucking planes. This place would be so ideal sound-wise if it weren't for that. 

What's more frustrating is that things are breaking much faster than we can fix them. Not only did he get a freezer, as I mentioned before, when the refrigerator broke, but he pulled out a 20-year-old mini fridge he won when we lived in Oregon. Well, now that's acting up, too. Yes, we can get a new mini fridge for $90, which is nothing compared to a new fridge and fixing the bathroom leak, but still—enough is enough already with all our shit breaking! It's like, what's next? I'm just tired of healthcare and breakage sucking up our money. If only we lived in the UK or Canada, despite the shitty climate, and were apartment lovers, where major appliances that broke wouldn't be on us. Oh, the money we could save! But we're in the US, people are noisy, so we hate being attached to them, and that's that.

I am managing to get some small things to add a little fun to my life and live a little along the way. I have a pair of chunky black pumps with a low block heel coming today. These I'll wear mostly in our short-lived winters. 

The set of six candles came yesterday, and sure enough, true to some of the reviews, I couldn't smell anything lit, so I had to put them on the warmers. That brings out their scents nicely, except for the gingerbread one. It smells like gingerbread when I put my nose to the candle unlit, but not even the warmer seems to bring out its fragrance. Maybe my nose is simply too confused with all the different smells in the house right now.

All good things come to an end, so while Prolific may be allowing me to make good money now, sooner or later, the jobs are going to dwindle. I got yet another complaint from the people running the main AI jobs I do. Yeah, I was wondering how long it would take before I got another one. I replied and let them know that that was the last stock message I would read and reply to, and reminded them that if they don't want people's opinions, then don't ask for them! Most of the jobs I do for them are opinion-based, where they want you to say which video or audio clip you prefer. As I've said before, if they know what they want, they should pick it themselves. They've never responded to any of my messages, so I don't know if they even get or read them.

Anyway, I only slept a little over 6 hours, but my sleep quality wasn't too bad at all. I only took melatonin and thought my sleep would be very fragmented, but it wasn't.

I lost a pound so far on my new diet, but even I always lose a pound or two when I first start, and then nothing. I'm still determined to stick to this plan religiously. It's a lot more doable than a thousand calories.

Okay, this is it. I'm ready to stop being afraid of how the levo might affect me if I were to lose a significant amount of weight. I'm making sure I don't go over 1400 calories a day, and I'm determined to stick to it to try to reverse my sleep apnea. It will also bring other health benefits. I asked AI if I could still lose on that calorie amount with a slightly elevated TSH, and it says I absolutely can, but it will take longer. It said to expect it to take 12 to 20 months to lose 40 pounds, with 14 to 18 being most likely. Being the pessimist I am, I still have my doubts, but I'm ready to find out if I'm wrong. 

I tried to schedule my dentist appointment yesterday, but they wanted a deposit, and we need to wait until we get our Social Security check. I'm not worried, though, because they aren't that booked out and can get me in pretty fast. It should only be about three more weeks. As long as I'm careful with how I chew, I should be okay. 

I'm more worried about the tearing, crusting, and headaches flaring up now that the drops are gone. It could take another day or two before it gets bad, if it's going to. I swear I get punished for every single surgery or set of surgeries I ever have! The sensitivity and the frame popping through were my punishment for Boston, even though I was just a kid and didn't plan that. TMJ was my punishment for Phoenix. Digestive issues were my punishment for my cholecystectomy. And now, my eyes are my punishment for my nose. I really, really hope that goes away on its own, even if it's hard to believe it will. 

It's also hard to believe that we need heat in the middle of March. We've been here almost 5 years, and we have never had to run heat this late after the new year. This sucks! Every time I think summer is here to stay until December, we get a cold snap.

This time, I took half a clonazepam and 10 mg of melatonin before bed, rather than a whole clonazepam and 5 mg, but the same thing happened: I woke up in the middle of my sleep. Only this time, I took another half of clonazepam to get back to sleep. So the clonazepam keeps the frags away, but no matter what I do or don't take, I have breaks in my sleep, and I don't know why. Sleep can also impact weight loss. Next time around, I'm going to crash without taking anything, which I'm expecting will cause fragmented sleep, and then if I wake up in the middle of my sleep, I'll take melatonin. I'm going to have to talk to Rhonda at some point and let her know I just can't get around this.

Also, for the last couple of nights, the left side of my nose was stuffier than the right, just like it used to be, and that's got me a little worried. Hopefully, it's just because it's still healing. It definitely needs to be cleaned a little more lately, so I have to remember to hit it with saline multiple times throughout the day. Sometimes I slack off because a stuffy nose while I'm awake isn't that big of a deal.

I used to say that reincarnation was the last thing I believed in because it didn't make sense to me with the population fluctuations and other things. I always wondered how it can be us if we have no memories of our former lives? But I've done a ton of research on reincarnation lately, just out of curiosity, and now I'm not so sure it's totally impossible. I still believe the multiverse may also be a possibility, but honestly, I don't know what to believe for sure. I believe less and less in a God, and that if there's anything at all—and I do repeat if—it isn't that we die, meet God, and either get sent to heaven or hell.

One thing they suggest when there's been a lack of a sign from a loved one who's died is to write a letter to them, letting them know you're open to "hearing" from them in your dreams. So I wrote a letter to Aly a couple of days ago, but had no dreams about her at all. Then last night, I didn't dream of her but about her. I ran into crazy Kim of all people somewhere. In the dream, Aly was still alive, and I knew they were in touch, even though I hadn't spoken to either of them. I asked her if Aly was still in Nebraska, and she gave me a long, drawn-out, "Nooo." I knew I wasn't going to get any more info from the nut job, so I wondered if Aly could be in Florida because, in real life, she said her parents considered retiring here. She could be closer than I realize, I thought to myself before the dream ended.

Went to Treasure Mart yesterday and got patchouli incense that doesn't smell like patchouli, unfortunately, and a Chalet Latte-scented candle by Village Candle, which I've been wanting to try. The candle is awesome, and I can see why this is a popular brand based on Amazon reviews.

Deciding it would be OK to spend $30 of my earnings on fun stuff each week, I bought a set of six smaller candles for $30. The scents are Apple Cinnamon, Coffee Latte, Pine & Cedarwood, Gingerbread Cookies, Cashmere Sweater, and Amber Wood.

Despite taking melatonin and clonazepam, I had major breakup sleep. I woke up shortly before 10, and was 100 percent sure I wasn’t going to fall back asleep, so I took off the CPAP and laid there. Nearly two hours later, I did fall back asleep, had trouble breathing, threw the CPAP back on, and then had a really shitty dream. We were living in a house in the mainstream somewhere. The same breakage curse going on here was going on there, and then Tom discovered something outside that he thought could be a problem that would cost $24,000 to fix, and whoever was hired to fix it would need to take 13 hours to do it. Then he morphed into my parents, but still, that was NOT a good dream for a psychic to have.

Then, after having heard that Nane moved in a couple of doors down, I spotted her walk to her car, get into it, pick up a cigarette, and then change her mind about smoking it. She was still slim with light brown hair down to her waist but had freckles she didn't have in real life. She spotted me then and fixed her blue eyes on me. I opened the window and called out, “Don’t you know who I am?” But before I got any answer, she turned into a black girl laying with a couple of other black girls on outdoor lounge chairs.

My only guess as to why I woke up at 10 was because I slept sounder because I took clonazepam with the melatonin. If I'd known I was going to eventually fall back asleep I would have taken another melatonin right away. So we'll just see how I feel later this morning but I might not make it out this week. I was really worried about getting up around 10 because that would have really backed up my schedule and made ENT day too long so I refused to get out of bed then.

Although we've had some rain and a lot of wind, I lucked out as far as being woken up by thunder this time around.

For the last couple of sleeps, my nose has been clear. I was surprised Fitbit gave me a score of 90 for sleep because my sleep was very fragmented. I only got 53 minutes of deep sleep, too. I definitely have to do a combination of clonazepam/melatonin next time around. I feel like I'm in a catch-22 because I don't want to take clonazepam every time I sleep, yet if I don't, my sleep is going to be fraggy.

I ended up napping for the typical 90 minutes I usually nap for when I do nap. I did it without the CPAP and suffocated awake along the way. My nose is clear, so that tells me that the suffocation is definitely from OSA (yes, it's almost certainly OSA and not CSA), while my nose was interfering with treatment before I had surgery. The only way I might be able to sleep without suffocation, or at least a lot less of it, would be on the big wedge pillow, but I don't want to do that (most suffocation occurs in my favorite position on my stomach). Unless a miracle happens with my weight and it really is connected to that, we need to figure out how to get a new one in about 4 years when this one dies.

I'm not going to do it the next time I sleep because I need to get more solid sleep and catch up on energy before I do anything that could risk waking me up, but I've had three successful sleeps on a pressure setting of 7, so in a day or so I'll jump to 7.6 and see how I do. I'm still expecting not to be able to go over 7. It's like something doesn't want me fully treating my sleep apnea any more than my thyroid.

I'll have to have Tom double-check it, but I just measured my neck at 15", yet I swear they said it was 16" when they measured at the office. I guess it depends on where on the neck you measure. I gave AI my weight, and it said that greater than 15" is risky, while 13 to 15 is moderately risky, and 13" is less risky. In other words, I would have to lose roughly 40 pounds to get a good chance of reversing my sleep apnea. I just don't see that happening, but I'm going to make one last-ditch effort to try my damnedest to make it happen.

Wasn't going to blog tonight, but then the mood struck.

It's OK to indulge in fantasy every now and then, as long as you can distinguish fantasy from reality. So tell me then... how can a parent chastise their child for their imaginary friend when they turn right around and start talking to "God?" I've never seen one shred of scientific proof that one exists. People who believe do so because they were taught to. Most do it as a form of comfort, and some do it as a form of control and an excuse to bash those who are different from them. Either way, how do they know they're not deluding themselves? Again, it's fine to do something that brings you comfort, but I think people need to remember what's real and what's not. I can say I have a guardian angel named whatever if it brings me comfort, but that doesn't make it real. So why pretend it is?

Slept better last time around, even though it was still a bit fragmented. Because of it, I have more energy today, so I got more done. I was more physically active.

I tried yet again to ask for a sign from Aly in my dreams that she's out there, but again I got nothing. I don't know if it's because she's unable to give me a sign or if dead really is dead, but I haven't gotten anything.

Still worried about my eyes. I just have a bad feeling that as soon as the drops run out, they're going to flare up again. I don't understand why this won't go away, but I'm not dealing with it. I'm done running to doctors every time there's a fucking health issue. Sometimes we just have to stop trying to fix things and live with what we've got.

My nose is still healing and sometimes gets stuffy, but is otherwise doing OK. The tip of my nose is still a little numb, but that's nothing.

Dear Aly,

It's been nearly 5 years since you passed, and I still miss you every day. There are so many things you've missed since you've been gone, and so many things I've gone through, both good and bad, that I would have loved to share with you. So I'm going to share some of it now.

I continue to struggle with health issues, just different ones than the ones you knew me to struggle with. But technology-wise, there are more games and gadgets to enjoy. I think you would love AI.

I think about you often and miss our chats. I moved to Florida not long after you passed, and I really love the warmer weather. Florida isn't perfect, and our house isn't perfect, but it's nice, and I'm now at the point where I'm pretty sure we're going to stay here for the rest of our lives. We're getting a little too old for moving adventures like we used to have. Besides, money's tight as retirees.

I miss you tremendously, and I'm ready for a sign that you go on. I would really love some kind of hello in my dreams, letting me know you hear me, you see me, you think of me, and you miss me the same as I do you.

OK, was that the sleep apnea talking, or could I really have CSA as well as OSA? I took a nap earlier because I didn't sleep well. My nose is still healing and crusty, and I couldn't get enough air through it, so after a couple of hours of sleep, I took off my mask. The rest of my sleep, there was some snorting, so that tells me my nose was blocked. My sleep was very fragmented.

In the middle of my sleep, I took a Benadryl, thinking that maybe some of it was allergies due to the mold and mildew because of the bathroom leak, but it didn't seem to make a difference. It just helped me get back to sleep. 

When I was napping, however, I was making a point of breathing through my mouth, yet still suffocated awake, unable to breathe. It really seemed like I stopped breathing, but was that because I didn't have the mask on, or because I really do have CSA? I just couldn't help but remember that the person who tested my sleep apnea mentioned CSA, and then there was the trouble I had breathing in recovery. It seems that if my breathing doesn't stop altogether, it gets very shallow. I can only hope these instances were because of the sleep apnea and nothing more complex. I checked my CPAP, and while my AHI score was 4.3, it listed them all as OSA.

This is getting weird. The honker has been gone for almost a month now. That's a hell of a long visit. Besides, why would you pay for a place you weren't going to use for a month or so just to visit someone? I'm starting to think something urgent came up at home. I just don't get why he would drive rather than fly, but maybe he did. Maybe his truck is at the airport.