Just thought I’d jot down a few things while I was waiting for the potatoes to go soft. I’m boiling up some potatoes to mash. 

Last night I was like, oh my God, it’s all over! I threw away days of all this hard work. Yeah, I ate too much yesterday, but still, what I ate was a fraction of what the average person eats, and if my metabolism weren’t so slow, it wouldn’t have affected me. I woke up yesterday at 119½ and went to bed at 125! Major setback. My metabolism’s not at a complete standstill, or else I wouldn’t wake up a few pounds lighter, but it’s still really damn slow. No one should gain that much in one day. When I woke up, though, I was lucky to find that it wasn’t such a setback after all, cuz I was 122. I thought I’d wake up at 124. Still, things are going a little too slow. I should be in the high one-teens now regularly, so I hope to move things along quicker, cuz I’m gonna eat even less. Another reason I could’ve woken up that low was cuz of the attack I had last night for an hour. That really takes a lot out of you. If I didn’t know any better last night, I’d swear I still smoked. Even Lisa asked if I was smoking when we talked earlier.

It was about 3 AM and I had just gotten into bed. Next thing I know I was coughing up a storm and wheezing my ass off. It wasn’t till 6:30 when I fell asleep. So when I got up at 2:00, I felt drained and dehydrated. I even let myself have some canned peaches on top of water and coffee.

Tom and I peeled back the pool cover when I got up, and then he went to bed. After taking a quick dip and sitting out in the sun for a little while, then after waking up some more, listening to music, and exercising, I can say I felt much better. More alive and more energized.

The proofreading’s coming right along. From here on out, I should have fairly short journals and no more really long ones.

We talked some more about ways to get rid of our two unwanted cats. Scaring or hurting them won’t work. They’d either have to be killed or physically removed. And remember, this is all White Paws has ever known. Blackie will be getting fixed one of these days soon.

I called Tammy’s and got Lisa. Tammy was still out working. Lisa said she’d been thinking a lot of me lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about her, too. And worrying.

She says she’s suspended again for 10 days for swearing at her teacher and has outpatient therapy at Natchaug for 4 hours 3 days a week. They got her drugged up, too. She’s on a couple of medications I never heard of. I think they’re already out of school here, but there, they don’t get out till June 19th, says Lisa. Gotta make up all those snow days!

After telling me how much she loves me, misses me, wants to see me, and thinks I dress cool, she told me something that has me fuming even more! Guess Tammy’s taking Bill’s place with the hitting. Lisa says she understands she did wrong by cussing her teacher out, she loves her mother but says that for the first time, Tammy let her have it. She gave her a bloody lip and scratched her neck as she went to reach for her and says she’ll do it again, too.

Wonderful. Thanks, God, for allowing these things to happen. And I don’t believe it was the first time, either. I’ve seen her smack Lisa. Hell, she even hit me a lot and gave me a bloody lip when I was little. Before I was in my teens, mainly between the ages of 8-12. I asked her how old she was when Bill started smacking her around. She said about 9 or 10. So it was when I came out here.

She also says Tammy’s threatening her with foster care, so I reminded Lisa she should do better in school and find more productive ways to deal with her emotions, and why she does not want to end up in foster care.

Thank you, God, for blessing me with sterility! How could I have seen it as a curse and not the gift that it truly is? Never shall I make the same mistakes my mother and sister made or risk God murdering that child.

Later…

The freeloader just left. It had its music low, but I know its patterns. It’ll get louder and louder till I have to either contact the city or put its music out for good myself. The heat’s gonna stir this thing up. We’ll see how this thing returns at 9:30 or so, but it seems that after 3 months, our city letters expire. If that was even it. It had its quiet spells long before we ever launched a complaint to the city, so who knows why it is that he’s really quiet at times? Could be cuz they just don’t want to deal with me bitching about it or take the chance of me doing something to them or the car.

It is just gorgeous out! I love it at 82º in the shade.

Later…

Didn’t type much last time cuz it was just too beautiful to stay inside. So, I’ll type now while waiting to hear how El Cocko arrives. Unless it came back while I was under the headphones, or super quiet without even a door slam, it ain’t in yet.

I swam for quite a while at sundown. I wish the sun went down slower. I just didn’t want to get out of the pool. It’s not that I can’t stay in when the sun’s down, but dusk is my favorite time to swim. That way, the bees are gone, but you still have enough light to see around you. No swimming into any dead bugs that may be floating around. The pool chemicals dry the skin out, though, so maybe I’ll take an oil bath later.

I think I’ll go type my nieces letters for now.