The freeloaders are still behaving. All I heard was a few annoying door slams.

I changed the mice’s cages today and did a new setup for the first time in a while. I had had the same setup for too long. They needed a change and they like it a lot, too. Especially Star, who’s always been afraid to climb. Another reason I changed things around is so that instead of just being able to roam around in 2 of the 4 cages, as she has been, she can roam around in the maze, too. I thought it might help her to get around more and teach her to climb and so far, it looks like that’s what’s happening.

Neither of us was in the mood for sex tonight cuz we were in the mood to just lay around and chat instead. It was nice.

Here I was the other day saying I hoped Quinn killed himself - well - he did. According to Andy, he had been afraid Quinn would kill himself, too, cuz of how depressed he’d been and cuz of how he’d been talking about it. I feel so bad for ending up falsely reassuring Andy like I did. Usually, and I can say this from experience from when I jumped is that if someone’s serious about suicide, whether or not they succeed, they don’t talk about it or warn anyone, they just do it. Guess he did both, seeing that he hung himself after threatening to do so.

I feel bad for Andy, who was still in shock when I last talked to him, and I wouldn’t say this out of respect for him, but I can’t say I’m sad over Quinn’s killing himself. It’s sad to see one be so miserable all their lives, but that’s just it - he was miserable and he brought others down with him and I haven’t forgotten those times he was a sick fuck. I know it was just a matter of time before Quinn became verbally and emotionally abusive to Andy again, and who knows what else? He was a druggie and a waste product so, in a sense, his life was over long before he hung himself. It’s like he never even had a purpose in life from what Andy told me.

The good I see in this is that it might help Andy to move on. I don’t see him running to Connecticut to be with David or him getting some other wonderful guy out here, but I still think Quinn was a bad influence in his life and when he wasn’t, all he did was hold Andy back.

At least now I won’t have to worry about Quinn hurting Andy and me having to hurt Quinn. Just because I’m perfectly willing to beat the snot out of anyone that may hurt someone I love and care for, doesn’t mean I want to.

As for why Quinn did this, I guess he just couldn’t deal with the real world, and as Andy said, he could never fully accept his gayness. It was probably that and a combination of things. I think he knew his life never meant anything and that it was going nowhere.

At least Andy’s dealing with this well. He says it only makes him want to live all the more.

Later…

Andy left me a message this morning saying he was sorry he didn’t call back yesterday. I had called him, but he had company. He said that after the company left, he just wanted to be alone. No problem. I understand. He also said he was going to go over to play with Quinn’s cat. Also, Marla called, so the family will know about it now. They’ll probably feel as I do - sorry one was so miserable that they had to end it all, but perhaps they’ll breathe a sigh of relief knowing that this potentially dangerous waste product, which’s a negative influence, is out of the way for good now.

Tom and I were discussing Andy and Quinn last night. I had left him a message about it when I found out about it, cuz I was gonna be in bed when he got in. He said he was sorry about it, which was nice of him.

I see the little animal kid was out playing with the Lopez’s kid. They were very quiet this time. I wouldn’t have known they were out if I didn’t look out and see. Guess they mostly stay on the Lopez’s property.

Later…

Evie went to a doctor about her weight and you’d think they’d tell her some complex thing to do, but nope. The doctor just said, “Don’t eat bread and walk 45 minutes a day.” I guess bread affects the body’s insulin and sugar levels. I don’t know about the walking, but I know that one must stop eating in order to lose weight. I’ve been at 121-123 for too long now so I’ve got to muster up the willpower to eat even less. It’s either food and fat or no food and thinness for me. A few bites a day will keep me where I am, but it won’t let me drop further down. I’ll be doing some walking myself, though, so we’ll see if it helps or not. Tom brought the walker back from Ma’s that we had let her use before she got so weak.

I left Andy a message letting him know that he could come over tonight if he wanted to. It goes without saying that I want him to call me anytime he needs to talk about something, but I hope he doesn’t use this Quinn thing, as selfish as I may sound, to play phone with me a lot.

I also called to wish Becky a happy birthday. Actually, her birthday was on the 3rd, but I forgot to call then. She’s 11 now. She also sounded like she was crying, but when I asked her if she was, she said she wasn’t. Maybe she really was, or maybe she was just tired or had allergies. Who knows?