Day 5 and I’m still sick. I’m coughing up congestion I haven’t coughed up since I smoked and am sneezing my ass off. The question is, am I sneezing because of the flu, or is this an allergy attack I would’ve had anyway, suggesting this new nasal spray might not be working? Or is it something about this room? This is the same room I had that sneezing fit in back when I was in here with Kim.

Maybe I’d have been feeling better today if Misery hadn’t woken me up half a dozen times. First I woke up at breakfast, though I didn’t eat, then Misery came into the room to look around, then she rattled the door on a walk making sure it was locked, then she yelled at someone over the intercom, and Ida’s movements woke me for a sec too, as she went to Misery-proof the place. I stashed my juice bottle under my blanket.

Ida was telling me about a couple of unfortunate encounters she’s had with Misery. Misery didn’t like how she made a pillow out of pads, towels and toilet paper and wrote her up for it, after threatening to grieve her.

Never threaten to grieve an officer, I told her. Wait till the next shift. In fact, never make any threats at all. Just do whatever it is you’re going to do.

Ida also told me that another time she put a pad over her eyes so she could rest without the light glaring in her eyes, and Misery stormed into the room, yanked it off, and ran off. Then Ida yelled, “What difference does it make if it’s between my legs or on my eyes?”

Anyway, as Misery was coming up the stairs on a walk, I was just about to sarcastically thank her for waking me up half a dozen times when she shocked the shit out of me with a smile. She actually smiled at me! You mean Misery’s capable of smiling? This is when I knew that for the sake of helping Ida, and myself too, since I seem to have a way with DOs as I do with rodents, I could work her over good like a piece of clay. Ida had forgotten to bring the bottle of cleaning stuff back down, so I used that to charm her so our lives here would be a little easier. I was all smiles and friendly and so was she as she opened the door to take the bottle. She’s been as kind as can be ever since, and I last flipped her off in A Tower.

I accidentally called her Misery when I went to ask her for aspirin (her real name is something like Chaikowski). She either ignored me or didn’t hear me.

Ida asked if Tom reads this stuff and the answer is, yes, he does.

I’ve always worried about Tom never eating any fruits and vegetables. Then I came across an ad in a magazine with fruit/vegetable supplements you can take and will send it home and hope he tries it. Then I won’t worry so much about his health.

There was a gorgeous, full-page picture of two big pink roses which I taped to the wall (after Misery left). It really gives the place some color.

They just had to go and change the postage rate while I was in jail. What a pain in the ass it’s been. They don’t have 1¢ stamps on this week’s commissary sheet, so I may have 10 worthless envelopes. I’ll just send them home if I can’t get 1¢ stamps since Tom’s not allowed to send any stamps. Only in prison can you get stamps in the mail.

Ida, who doesn’t like to eat so early, packs her breakfast away for later. Today and yesterday she gave me cereal she saved. It wasn’t as good dry, but it was something to munch on when I got up.

No one seems to like the big, fat, whistling, ugly butch that’s on right now. Her name’s Arajo and she gave 5 write-ups to Melinda with 60 days full restriction and was rude to Ida, who’s going to grieve her tomorrow.

Ida says this is the longest Palma’s been away from M Dorm.

Gee, I wonder why!

Ida and I still get along. She paces and I rock. I just wish she wouldn’t talk so much!

I decided not to bother filling out the rather complex Women’s Network form I got. I know they can’t help me. I’m here till 4/29 and there’s nothing I or anyone else can do about it. All I can do is ignore these people when I get out and ignore cops, courts, POs, etc. I’m going to go home and be with my husband and pets and take my life back. I’m going to do the things I used to do, then together, Helen and I are going to try to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. Meanwhile, we’ll keep our $40 a month that we don’t owe anybody and that we need. And I won’t go changing my life over something I wrote. I won’t have 20 appointments of various kinds a week, and no, God is not trying to prepare me for a new lifestyle like I vibed and dreamt about by seeing me unjustly jailed. He’s only punishing me.

I’m really glad to have my retainers, my only piece of home. Everything else I have is either the jail’s or bought from commissary.

I’m going to go back to the large pants. Yes, the mediums fit, but the large is more comfortable for sleeping in. This cell’s too cold to sleep in my gown.

I want to get a body wrap done someday. I hear you lose 3-6” and you don’t dehydrate because you lose fat and not water. They also say it tightens your skin. I have a lot of loose flesh due to weight fluctuations and that also makes me look like I’ve got more fat than I actually do. I was surprised when Ida said they only cost $50-$75. I thought they were hundreds, even thousands of dollars. I’m going to get one done with next year’s Christmas money since I won’t be giving it to the freeloaders or to the state.