It’s about midnight now and I still can’t sleep. I wish I could, though. Weekdays are full of wake-ups. Breakfast, nurses, rec calls, other calls, clothes exchanges, etc.

Tate’s on tonight, and the only reason I’m writing this is that she left the whole dayroom lit up.

Deanna must’ve given her sleeping pills away to be up at this hour. I hear her over there. That lucky 200+ pound black mass is leaving in 4 days.

I can’t believe I’m still in the same cell with the same celly. Maybe it is different here. Maybe you do stay in one place longer, unless you’re trying to get away from a crazy celly, out of a 4-man cell, or are being swapped because others can’t get along, or they need your lower bunk. When Palma works A, which will be long before she returns here, she will not be happy to see Melinda there! Nor will she be surprised. Palma’s bringing me over here has really alleviated a lot of my stress, even though I don’t sleep well here. Still, I’m really grateful to her. I know my luck will run out eventually and that I’ll end up with a nightmare of a celly even if I stay out of the big cells. I’ll be shocked if I stay here with Ida till she leaves, and worried about what’ll come in here next if I do. I hate adjusting to new cellies!

Ida said she was curious to see if anyone would order her a candy bar, so I took the hint and ordered her one. What the hell? Besides, she’s going to be giving me a lot of shit (I hope) when she leaves, even if none of it cost her anything.

What is the hip-hop station doing playing oldies? They’re actually having an oldies show. How weird.

Here comes Tate again. Must be around 12:30 now.

I can’t wait for my commissary! I’m starving! I just hope to hell they don’t fuck up. It’s hit or miss with these incompetent fools.

M203

Just a quick update saying that Julia and I swapped places. I guess Julia wasn’t so quiet after all. According to Maria, she was fidgety, pacing and waking her up, so she asked the DO to move her. That’s when Ida offered to take Julia as long as she didn’t snore, and I offered to go with Maria in 203 where it’s warmer, darker, quieter and more private. I do hear the TV blaring really well here, though, and that obnoxious juvi next door.

That cell has the best lighting, too. The light’s not as long and it’s not right by the top bunk like it is in 202 and 205.

Anyway, Ida and I did not part as enemies. Neither did Julia and Maria. We just want cellies on our schedules. Maria’s not as heavy of a sleeper as Mary or Deanna, but I doubt she’s as light of a sleeper as I am. I doubt anyone is. I just wish she was as quiet as she said she was. Why do I always get the talkers?!

She has to go to court tonight, so time will tell whether or not she disrupts my sleep while she’s up, but she might disrupt it when she’s not up if she keeps sighing and talking in her sleep like she seems to do. I hope it works out, though I just don’t know what to make of this one. My guess is she’s going to be waking me up. Maybe even more than Ida did. Ida at least tried to be quiet, but this one doesn’t strike me as the respectful type.

Got my commissary with no problems. Just when I thought Maria wasn’t going to be a beggar, little by little, she started begging, although I did offer her some bagel chips. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe that’s why she started to try to take advantage of me, thinking she could just ask for things if I was willing to give.

I’m still not sure whether or not I made a mistake in swapping with Julia or not. Time will tell. If I can sleep, I’ll be OK. She’s not as animated as Ida, but she’s not as quiet as she led me to believe she was, either. So many people say they are what they aren’t. She’s a little talkative, and there’s some self-talk going on, too.

She preaches about God, and I’m so fucking sick of hearing about shit like that! If God’s so wonderful, then how come the world is so fucked up? There is no God. There’s nothing but a devil. God’s nothing but a fairytale created by those who are unrealistically optimistic and need to invent him as a coping mechanism. How can people be so naïve? What is it with these southwesterners? Everything’s God this, God that.

She’s creative, though. She made me a cross by weaving blanket threads, a carnation from toilet paper, and a very impressive cup holder, identical to hers, that holds our toothpaste and toothbrushes. She took an empty toilet paper roll and glued a picture from a magazine on it, stuffed the bottom tightly with toilet paper to give it a bottom, then glued it to the wall with toothpaste.