M205

Tom jinxed me again, as most of his calls/visits do, and I not only got moved again, but I got the flu, too. The whole pod has got it. I thought I was getting over it yesterday, but just walking to visitation nearly killed me and was enough to set this flu in that I would’ve otherwise not gotten if the freeloaders hadn’t put me here where I can’t sleep and am forced to be around so many people. Something up there really wants to fuck me over. No doubt about it.

Last night I had a scratchy throat that made me cough all night. I wished for some cough syrup like never before. Today I’ve had sweats and chills and am weak. A little coughing and congestion, too. I’m still too sick to jog.

Anyway, Tom told me he was going to see his mom after visiting me. I told him about Deanna and I and our botched attempt to stage a fight so she could move downstairs to 201 with Lisa, and I could be alone or get Mary back in with me.

Deanna helped me out of 204, so I felt I owed her and I wanted to return the favor. After agreeing to keep threats and race out of it, we started our bogus fight as black Johnson walked by.

“All you do is bitch and whine!” screamed Deanna.

“Yeah? Well, you’re the one that snores like a mother-fucker!”

“Yous even more vulgar than Madeline ever was!”

“That’s fucking bullshit! I’m nowhere near as fucking vulgar as that fucking asshole was! Who the fuck do you think you’re kidding, bitch!”

But Johnson saw right through it. “Do y’all really think I’m going to fall for this shit?” she asked before we both burst out laughing.

During change of shift, while I was at Visitation, Deanna talked to Kahn, but neither of us got our way, though Deanna got the better deal if you ask me. She doesn’t think so, though (the blacks always prevail!). I better not find out Deanna cried racism behind my back and used that as an excuse. I hate that shit! I totally hate people who use that as a crutch.

Anyway, Deanna turned out to be just another black bitch - very rude, selfish and inconsiderate when she was up while I was trying to sleep.

Kahn didn’t move Deanna, so she got to stay alone in the best cell in this pod, while Melinda was moved from 205 to 204 where Mary is, and I was put in 205 with Ida F. I appreciate Kahn for tossing Melinda next door so I could remain in a small cell, though.

I was surprised when 60-year-old Ida told me Melinda didn’t drive her crazy by being all spastic. The only annoying thing she said she did was eat candy bars all night and I could hear the wrappers crinkling. Ida’s a light sleeper too, and the crinkling of wrappers and chomping bothered her. Maybe the only reason Melinda was subdued was that she’s got the flu, too. She also wasn’t there for more than a day.

Before I left 3, a candy bar came sailing under the door. It was from Melinda for something I never even gave her.

Here’s my take on Ida: She’s been tolerable so far, but I wish we were on the same schedule. She also gets a little chatty and paces back and forth for hours at a time. The good thing about her is that she goes out of her way to be quiet when I sleep because she understands how I feel being a light sleeper herself. However, I did hear her a few times but was able to go back to sleep. I’ve still been lacking sleep big time and couldn’t fall back asleep for a few hours after breakfast.

There are pros and cons to being with light sleepers, versus heavy ones. I don’t have to be overly cautious with a heavy sleeper when I’m up and about, but they have no respect for my own sleep. I have to be cautious with the light ones, but they’re more considerate. I’d definitely rather be with the light sleepers, though.

Ida’s German. She and her American husband moved to America in ‘62. She won’t tell anyone what her charges are. She gets out on February 15th.

She’s even smaller than me.

She told me CC, who’s back in A Tower where she belongs, is charged with the manifestation of prostitution. Meaning that they didn’t catch her actually hooking, they just thought she was hooking. That’s Arizona for you. And just think – I once loved this state. It’s still better than Massachusetts overall, but I’m not as fond of it as I used to be. Especially when it comes to the laws. In Massachusetts, you practically have to kill someone under a cop’s nose to get arrested.

I don’t see why they bother putting people in jail for hooking or drugs. If people want to ruin their bodies with drugs – let them. It’s their lives and I think it’s wrong for our fucked up government to tell people what they can and can’t do with their bodies/lives.

I woke up freezing in the middle of the night. Part of it was fever chills, and also because Ida insisted I do not block the vent that was blowing chilly air directly on me, but finally I was like – yo, we gotta compromise here. So I blocked it a little more. I wasn’t about to freeze at her expense. If she gets a little warm on the bottom bunk, all she has to do is take off her damn thermal.

I hear next door through the vents, but not as much as I thought I would. They do most of their talking in the evening.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter how Ida and I get along. They’ll only move me in a week or two tops.

I just want to go home to my old life till God once again decides I shouldn’t be doing what I want to do with it, then sends someone to help destroy it yet again. Why am I such a sucker to even go on living?! How stupid can I be?

Not that I’m not glad we didn’t have a kid, but I think losing sleep to a baby would’ve been easier than this shit. That’s because Tom and I could’ve arranged to give me breaks every now and then. There’s no getting any breaks in here! Once I’m up, I can’t usually go back to sleep, even if I’m tired.

Got a letter from Tom. He says he’s been working a lot, training people, and that there have been all kinds of problems at work. I hope they’re not running him ragged!

He says he wants to start a journal. That’s hard to imagine!

Now I’m starting to sneeze more.

I’m going to have Tom call the jail and see if Rosa’s still in A. I gave him her booking number.

Kitchen insisted I tank medical this morning, but it was a waste of time. There’s nothing they can really do for this flu, and by the time they see me, I’ll be over it. Tomorrow morning I’m going to put in a tank asking them to unschedule the appointment the morning nurse said she’d make, but I know the incompetent greedy assholes will still drag me down there all for nothing.

God, I’m not looking forward to another day of being woken up a zillion times! For breakfast, for the nurse, for our hour out, and maybe for Ida, too. Last night I was rudely woken up for a second by a flashlight in my eye. In a way, I wish they’d dim these lights like in A, rather than cut them off completely.

I miss Pérez. I hope she’s on tonight! Who knows when Palma will return? Either within the next few days or never again, if I scared her off.