Mena’s on tonight. I wish it were Palma, but she’s way better than Christoffers. She is the most evil DO yet! Always glaring at me with such intense hatred. I don’t know if she read about me in the paper and didn’t like what she read, or what. Maybe I remind her of someone she dislikes. Mary noticed the way she’d look at me with a mean expression, too. At least she didn’t move me. As long as she doesn’t fuck with me, she’s welcome to hate me all she wants. Yesterday she wanted to throw me down in the big cell’s upper bunk because someone came in needing a lower bunk. I didn’t know they did that in M. I thought they wouldn’t bring anyone to M in the first place that needed lower bunks/tiers until they were available. Amazingly enough, though, my protests worked. I can thank Mary for helping me, too. She protested along with me. Christoffers likes Mary, so maybe that’s why she let me stay here. Instead, she just said we were worse than the juvies, and threw Melinda downstairs so the black chick could take her lower level next door. There are 3 blacks in there now. I’m glad I’m not in 205. That’d no doubt be noisier than the juvies. We’re right by the juvies, and in the late afternoons – early evenings, the girl next to us likes to bash the door and scream like hell. Thank God for my radio!

Both of us were surprised when Christoffers wanted to “see” me take the aspirin I asked for.

Now why did she need to see that?

Mary describes Christoffers as sociable, and I have heard her talking with others, including Mary, while she’d throw me an occasional nasty glance. Mary said that maybe she’s like this because I’m smart.

How would she know whether or not I’m smart, and why would that make her like this?

First I had to fight to get to a small cell and now it looks like I’ll have to fight to stay here. I’m afraid Christoffers will force me out of here (if Palma doesn’t) because she ever so reluctantly let me have my way yesterday. I know, though, that either way, I won’t be here come February. I won’t be here come mid-January. I wish I could go home and never see this place or its people ever again!

Anyway, Mary’s too good to be true as far as a roommate goes. We’re 100% compatible. She sleeps a lot and is quiet. I won’t have to worry about her begging because she gets her own commissary and has her own radio. She eats and writes on her bed, so I can use the table anytime I want to for writing.

She’s from New York, very open-minded, tolerant and accepting. She’s really easygoing and tries to laugh as much as she can. Sometimes you have to in order to survive this place!

She’s 23 with 4 kids. One’s dead, one’s with its father, and the other two were adopted. She’s in for child neglect, and just like with Rosa, it’s awfully hard for me to picture her being neglectful in a serious, deliberate way. She says it’s her ex who was neglectful, and I believe it. He killed her 11-month-old daughter while she was at work. He beat her, ran her over, and she’s in the process of testifying against him. I don’t think she belongs here. I mean, isn’t it punishment enough that she can never see her daughter Gretchen ever again?

Here goes that juvi again. Mary said it’s never been like this before in the month she’s been in this cell. I tried to tell her there’s been a noise curse on me for nearly a decade, but she doesn’t believe me. It’s true, though. Noise goes where I go.

Mary’s better looking than most inmates, but she’s no Palma. She’s 5’ 3”, 130 pounds, with gray eyes and brown hair with red at the ends.

She’s been here for 8 months and won’t be going home till June. She was in prison, but because of the testifying, she’s here.

In the 8 months she’s been here she’s been moved 16 times, yet I’ve only been here 2 months and I’ve been moved 14 times!

I wonder if Mena will have the TV on in the dayroom tonight as Christoffers did? You have to stand by the door to watch it. I prefer to wait until I get home. I’m not much of a TV person, and the thing sounds like one big echo in here. You can’t make sense of the words. I can’t, anyway.

So now I’ll finish the Palma story. Mary told me she came into the cell before I got here and asked her if she remembered me, and she was like, “Don’t know her.”

Then, according to Mary, she said, “Good, good,” in a relieved tone of voice, and left.

After getting settled, I thanked Palma for putting me in here with a sane celly. She smiled and said something I couldn’t quite make out before she entered the other pod.

On her next walk, I asked her for a medical tank. She said all they had were tanks, but all I had to do, she said smiling in a teasing kind of way, was write: ATT medical on the tank, which she said she’d bring on her next walk, but she forgot. Instead, she got a little confession made to her by Mary. After I told Mary I liked Palma, she and I were debating whether or not she was straight, or if she could be bi. Then she told me she was curious, had balls of brass, and was going to tell Palma I liked her. I thought she was joking, but boy was I wrong!

I happened to be sitting on the bed and had just turned on my radio when Palma came by and Mary told her S had a crush on her. I had had the radio on softly, so all I heard by the time I turned it off was Palma saying, “Don’t tell me that shit. I don’t want to know.”

I thought - great! Just great! The door’s going to open up and I’m going to get maced!

As I pretended to play dumb, bouncing around to the imaginary beat on my radio, I heard her say in a cheerful tone, “And you ladies have a good night.”

I never saw her the whole time (I wouldn’t dare look at her). The rest of what happened was what Mary told me. When Mary told me she was flattered I said, “She couldn’t be if she said she didn’t want to know or be told, and there goes my tank.”

I was surprised she even bothered to tell us to have a good night, but that’s the part I couldn’t see. Mary said that she thought her initial reaction was that of shock, or maybe even embarrassment because, after the brief pause that came before us having a good night, Mary said a warm smile broke out across her face and she walked away with a slight cheerful bounce to her walk. Not even 10 minutes later I received 3 medical tanks. Not tanks, but medical tanks. By this time her shift was over and she said good night to us. At first I didn’t dare speak to her, but when I thanked her for the medical tanks, she said, “You’re welcome. Have a good night.”

I can see how the news would’ve caught her off guard. I can just imagine her doing a walk and hearing the usual things like, what time is it? Can you bring me a tank order on your next walk? Don’t forget the nail clippers! Then, S has a crush on you.

Then I was lying on my bed laughing about it, saying, “I can’t believe you said that!” when Mary, who was at the door, was like, “Come here, come here!”

I jumped up and ran to the door. There was Palma, smiling and being quite expressive with Tate. We’d never seen her smile like that before! At first I figured they were laughing about me and my little crush, but then I figured it couldn’t be that funny. Crushes in this place are a dime a dozen and half of these DOs are gay. Besides, this was a happy expression, not an amused one. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she won the lottery. The only thing I could make out when trying to read her lips was “I’m so happy.” She was just too far away to read anymore, and Tate kept blocking her.

When Tate came by, I asked if she remembered me, and jokingly she goes, “Oh, God. You’re back?” Then she asked how I was.

We got our commissary, so we’re happy, but I didn’t get pink lipstick. At least they didn’t charge me for it. They probably didn’t have any. But they did give me another tube of expired hydrocortisone cream after I specifically asked them not to. I should’ve known better than to ask!

Mary got $64 worth of stuff that completely covered the desk. Between her stuff on the desk and mine on my bed, Mena’s jaw dropped when she walked by and saw all the shit. I said my thanks to Tom over and over again in my mind for making jail life a little more bearable.

After Mary showed me how, I trimmed my bangs with the nail clippers Mena gave me and forgot about. I never would’ve thought to trim them that way, and it’s so nice to have bangs again! It looks much better.

In case I forgot to mention it, Tom confirmed that Tina was full of shit when she said it was bad to put batteries on metal. I figured as much, anyway.

I heard on the radio that people with ADD, like myself, are more likely to have more injuries and medical problems, including asthma.

Mary’s so cool and so funny, too. She packed a pad with goodies for court so she’ll have something to munch on. She opened the pad’s outer liner and put in two sausage links, the comb I lent her, a little stubble of eyeliner, and a piece of lipstick she peeled off from her tube and wrapped inside a piece of plastic. That way she won’t risk losing the whole tube. She put this pad between 2 other pads. On the top pad, she poured red fruit punch to look like blood in case she gets checked.