Being up all through the night still has its pros and cons. It’s quieter but that’s when I’m more likely to experience any kind of anxiety or at least find my mind wandering to dark places. Like death, dying, wondering who’s going to be there for us in the end, if there’s an afterlife, etc. The usual shit.

Both of us slept the day away. We did take a walk down to give the ducks the rats’ old bread.

Kim shared some pictures from her karate class’s tournament. This was the first body shot I ever saw of her. She is still huge. Like over 200 pounds like my nieces. So if she’s lost over 100 pounds then she probably was over 300 pounds just like I suspected. She has to tie her white belt under her belly close to her hips because she doesn’t have much of a waist unless she loses more weight. Her “waist” is right below her tits.

My sister’s ignoring me again and my nieces continue to do so, further making me question just how close I want to move to them. I don’t think my nieces are even following me probably because they figure I’m not following them. You know I can’t stand any reminders of Bill and even if the bastard had been a sweetheart, seeing posts about “daddy in heaven” every few days gets old. They really need to move on. Not forget, not “get over it,” but stop dwelling every few days on his death which is basically just what they’re doing by posting this shit over and over again. That can’t be good for them.

I probably won’t hear from the girls until my birthday, if even then. Then, unless I contact them first, I don’t expect to hear from them until their birthdays in June and September. Not unless there’s some serious crisis between now and then.

I had a couple of dreams involving water. In one of them, I was on a deserted beach and I was just stepping out of the water when I noticed a snake about 20 feet away. It was maybe 2 or 3 feet long. Normally I’m not afraid of snakes but this kind of made me hesitate because I’d never seen this type of snake before and so I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know if it was venomous or not. It doesn’t take a big snake to be pretty toxic.

Then things got really weird. It kept slithering toward me. No matter where I moved, it followed. Right, left… it followed. I started to panic and splashed water on it. But then it somehow rose into the air and hovered over me. I froze in fear for a minute and then I ran.

Then Tom and I were swimming in some river. I hopped off a concrete ledge of some kind and into the water which had a very strong current. This didn’t surprise me since it sloped down and around a bend. Tom said something about it leading over the waterfall. I couldn’t see it from my vantage point but when I swam a little bit towards the right I could clearly see a large waterfall. It was wide but I couldn’t see how far the drop-off was.

Then Tom dove off the ledge and disappeared for a few terrifying minutes. Minutes that were actually seconds but that seemed like minutes. I was afraid he jumped out too far and got pulled down into the fall but he eventually emerged much to my relief.