Yesterday sucked. I was so stressed out as well as depressed. I worried that my only options would be to suffer or die. Not having as rough of a day today as I expected, but I still worry for myself. To hell with worrying about actually growing old and dying. The biggest concern is all the suffering you do before you get there. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted something to just kill me right then and there!

Fell asleep at 11 a.m. and kept waking up every few minutes so I finally took a Benadryl shortly after noon. This didn’t help me sleep as soundly as I thought it would but I managed to sleep until 8. It’s going to be a long-ass day for me! My appointment isn’t until 10:45 and it may be close to noon before we get home.

I’ve been taking it easy, spending most of the time relaxing in bed. Although eczema isn’t lichen sclerosus, Aly has had ultraviolet light therapy which has helped her and I’m going to ask the PA about that, though I don’t know that that can be used down there. As Aly pointed out, it may be a matter of trial and error until I find what helps me the best. She’s used some prescription cream that doesn’t have steroids in it which she has also found helpful. Then she has some friends who also have skin issues and swear by turmeric.

I have a 3-stalk bamboo plant on the way. One is a 6” stalk and the other two are 4” stalks. I want to put the 6” stalk in the cactus vase I got shortly after we left Phoenix. The other two can join one of the other groups of bamboos I have in here. I now have 5, soon to be 6.

I’m also getting some novelty Tic Tac flavors… Blueberry, bubble gum and donut.

Last night I dreamed I was showing Simon to Stacey S. She told me that she had rats as well. I asked her what kind they were and she said “Midterms.” As I brought Simon out of a store that I either owned or worked at in which he roamed loose with Dumbo, I looked back as I crossed the street to go to Stacey’s place and saw that I’d left the door open. Dumbo slipped out and then I could have sworn I saw Burke alive and well again and with a full coat of fur. I hurried to show Stacey Simon so I could get back before the other rats could get too far.

When I got back to the store I saw that Dumbo was back inside but only for a minute because a kitten chased him back out. I hunted for him but couldn’t find him. Then some guy in the store said something like, “It’s a rat. You know how they are.”

Then there was this dream where I was standing outside in the back of someplace possibly smoking a cigarette. It was late afternoon and I noticed it was cool. Aloud I said, “It’s going to be pretty damn chilly in a few hours.”

Then someone walked by and I felt a little embarrassed that they heard me talking to myself. Then I went inside the house which was a small one-bedroom place on a concrete foundation.

I then entered the bedroom and placed some small plastic doll in a box.

Next, I went into the living room where Tom was. I knew I had to go with him somewhere to sign something and I thought we were leaving at that moment. But then he prepared to leave and said he would see me later.

I became a little bummed out when I realized I would be left alone.