My God, I never thought a couple of guinea pigs would be so much work. Just so much work! I realize a big part of that is because they’re in a cage not meant for guinea pigs. If they were in a cage for guinea pigs and I used regular bedding, all I would have to do is just dump it once a week.

In this setup I have to de-turd the liner on days it’s not being washed, then take it outside, dump it and shake it, then vacuum any leftover pieces of hay clinging to it before washing it, then set up the new liner which takes a few minutes to line up just right, then try not to drop hay all over the floor when I’m loading the hay holder, and then vacuum the floor. On top of all this, I have to give plenty of attention to the rats and supervise their hour of exercise. I don’t have to watch them every second but they are rodents so some supervision is necessary. They’re out there running around with the Roomba right now.

Anyway, yesterday sucked. It absolutely sucked. The only good thing about it was that I felt faint stabs of adrenaline in my chest on the second consecutive day of skipping. I don’t think I can blame most of my anxiety on the meds at this point but it may still be fueling other things that are causing me to feel anxious. I’m hoping my doctor will tell me tomorrow that yes, it’s likely that my hormones haven’t quite settled in just yet. My last-ditch effort before giving up on myself is hoping that the root cause is still hormonal and that once those are fully settled in, the meds won’t affect me in any bad way. If not, then I think I’m likely looking at a sudden anxiety disorder development, as crazy as that seems, in which case it will never go away and I’ll be faced with the decision of whether or not I think I could stand to live with it for another 20-something years or take measures to ensure that I don’t. No doctor has helped me yet, though they’ve tried, but with my sensitivity to medication, it’s looking like something up there is doing a damn good job of limiting my options and making sure I don’t get the help I need.

What sucked about yesterday was that I was exhausted, lightheaded and dealing with head pressure that was starting to go beyond just annoying. I will be addressing that with the doctor tomorrow as well and see if she can give me any tips and pointers on how to deal with it. I’m guessing a decongestant may help.

Also yesterday, we had quite a hailstorm. I don’t think I ever witnessed one as fierce. When I opened the back door, the pounding of the hail on the carport roof was deafening. For a minute I wasn’t sure if the roof was going to come down or not. There was some thunder too, and I was glad I wasn’t sleeping at the time.

This world really pisses me the fuck off and sometimes I am truly embarrassed to be part of the human race. I just want to slap people, shake them, and scream, “What the fuck were you thinking?! Wake the fuck up in this world! Just wake the fuck up already!”

Now you can’t abort a Down Syndrome baby in Arkansas. Oh, because the world needs more disabled people brought into the world to suffer, right? Not only is it wrong to tell a woman what to do with her own body and life no matter what, but this is just absolute insanity. I have suffered so much on account of a simple birth defect, yet people want to save those who will only live to suffer a million times more? WTF? If anything, you’re absolutely cruel and selfish if you knowingly bring a disabled child into the world. My parents wouldn’t have been cruel to have had me with a deformed ear but where both they and the doctors were cruel was when they tried to “fix” the way I was meant to be. I wouldn’t have suffered otherwise. Many of these fetuses they’re trying to save would, however.

I’m also tired of things being called murder that isn’t even remotely murder. But I guess that’s just the world we live in today. Everything is racist and everything is murder. Yet when a woman does get pregnant she’s often criticized for being “too old-fashioned” and not focusing on work.

Anyway, it’s only a matter of time before Roe versus Wade is overturned and abortion becomes illegal nationwide and that will be a very sad and frightening time. I would think by now women would be long past having to worry about these kinds of rights but apparently not.

The car Tom wanted has sold so now he’s considering another electric car versus another Caddy.

Aly, Kim and I now have our own cabin and we’ve got 11 days to go before NaNo starts!

I was reading around on different hormonal things and accidentally came upon something and said to myself, “So that’s what happened?”

My clit shrunk. It actually shrunk. When cleaning down there I’ve noticed that my clit has been less prominent for a while now. I thought it was because the LS deformed me but now I know that we shrink with age. I’m surprised I never heard this one before. Makes sense when I think about it because LS is like having a few zits down there. Only those zits can get awfully itchy at times and burn. I’ve been doing better in that department, though, since avoiding foods that aren’t LS-friendly.

Now what the fuck do I do for my anxiety???