Yes! I finally got a story idea for April’s CampNano based on real-life cyber friends who are overseas. And even a title.

Spring has sprung! I should have gone out for my walk-jog in shorts and a tank rather than leggings and a T, but I wasn’t out there long. Was out 10 minutes, then later did 22 minutes on the treadmill, and about 10 on the Bowflex.

All that just to stay fat. :(

Let’s see…planes, motorcycles, other loud vehicles, music, circular saws… I’ve heard it all. As if that in itself isn’t bad enough, it really annoys the fuck out of me when workers work past 5pm. Have some fucking respect and consideration!

All day I’ve been wishing I’d get anxious - like really, really anxious - but so far anything I’ve felt is so minimal it’s barely noticeable. Really do think it’s my meds or maybe not the meds but something the meds make worse.

Or is it???

Tom says it hasn’t been long enough to really know for sure either way. I know, and it’s a long-acting drug. That’s why I’m hoping I can go medication-free for at least 4.5 months so I can find out for sure either way once and for all. I just don’t want the doctor to find out about it.

Maybe if I automatically did 4 weeks on and 1 week off and alternated between that no matter how I felt, it would be enough to keep me from getting overly hypo but keep the anxiety away as well. The hard part would be timing it for labs. Definitely don’t want my TSH over 10 when tested.

Shakes head with confusion and frustration See, this doesn’t make sense. But this could be a good thing, too. Okay, so I took a moment to go combing through my 2016 journal, looking up various keywords. The stabbers started on December 13th. But a check shows I never skipped my meds until after I started getting stabbed. I stated that for the better part of the year, I had been anxiety-free. So I could take it every single day for at least a year, though I know it was longer than that, and not get anxious? It took about a year to get anxious in the way I’ve been dealing with since then? WTF?

Dr. A thinks it’s mostly a medical disorder but I’m hoping Tom’s right and that it’s hormonal! I know one can develop diseases and medical disorders at any age of life but the hormones do seem more plausible than for me to suddenly develop an anxiety disorder. Again, I really hope he’s right!

First episode of Unusual Suspects was sad but interesting. Not so sure what’s so “unusual” about a rapist, though. These angry closet cases are everywhere. Seriously, why is it so damn hard for so many men to admit they’re gay? You’re so frustrated that you’re not attracted to women so you become hateful of them and have to take that frustration out on them by hurting them??? If a man prefers/favors men then why not be with them?

Amazingly, the rats haven’t torn up their new liner, but they’re still young, as Tom pointed out.

Poor Aly. She called the suicide hotline because she was having some really dark thoughts after a debt collector threatened her with garnished wages. She was put on hold for 20 minutes. Twenty fucking minutes! She was able to get a friend to come over. Wish I’d had that kind of support when I was feeling that way when I was single.

There I go again with the ‘why can’t this happen to me?’ or ‘why couldn’t that have happened to me?’ thing. I know I shouldn’t be comparing like that and that I should just be glad someone was there for her to give her the support she needed even though she’s still stressed out and overwhelmed.