I’ve now had 4 weeks of calm since my medication experiment began. :)

Been addicted to my NutriBlast ever since I got it. Today’s energy/health smoothie has a banana, OJ, a few large strawberries, and a couple of baby carrots. Not a fan of carrots but they’re not noticeable this way.

Woke up to a very chilly 68° in here so I’m warming up right now on the treadmill.

So Harry and Meghan have had their first kid just as I knew they would. The one thing I have against the royal family is that they seem to set very primitive and narrow-minded examples for women. Are women only good over there for getting married and having kids? Well, what about just getting married? What about just having kids? What about doing neither? What about marrying the same sex? What about marrying the same sex and adopting a child or having artificial insemination? I thought most of Europe was supposed to be more diverse and open-minded?

But then Europe isn’t America which seems to be the opposite. Why can’t my buddy foster without being hassled about it? Why can’t so many women in this country have kids without being basically scolded and reminded that their sole priority should be working as hard as they can and making as much money as possible? I can see if they’re too young, unstable, broke, or on drugs, but why do there have to be “norms?” Why can’t people just do what they want with their lives and not get judged and criticized for it? I’m all for lowering the population, but I don’t think every woman in the U.S. should suddenly be expected not to have kids so they can work work work work. Hell, except for being childless I would fit right in in countries like India. Oh, they would just love me since I don’t work outside of the house and don’t drive, though I don’t know that India forbids women from driving. I know some of the really twisted countries do.

Had some thunder last night which is a bit unusual for this time of year. It sprinkled for a few minutes too. Fortunately, I was up so I didn’t get woken up by the thunder. I realize I could be woken up by that much more often in Florida but I would rather that than traffic.

There was a lot of company next door and while it was quiet except for a few vehicle door slams, I’m guessing it’s because it was Virginia’s birthday. Pretty sure early May is when it is. Guess she’s 86 now.

Death scares me. The whole dying process and then what may or may not lie beyond has always scared me as I think it does most people. At the same time, the older I get, I kind of like the idea of not having as much time left in such a fucked up world. Even the things that don’t affect me directly can sometimes bother me only because I hate knowing I have to live with people like that. With abortions slowly heading toward becoming illegal in this country, how can you not feel bad for women unless you’re one of the delusional control freaks that’s behind seeing that this happens? I’m guessing Florida’s gonna ban it next, but oh well. I’m just glad it doesn’t affect us personally.

It occurred to me that Tammy never mentioned any of the girls having breast cancer when we talked, so I’m guessing that was a lie as well. I think she was pissed at me or it was a way of trying to get my attention and me back into her life. Definitely not the way to do it. Jumping down someone’s throat and being all accusatory and hitting them with lies is not the way to go as opposed to how she went about it the last time. I’m probably always going to have mixed emotions where she’s concerned. I’m aware of her faults but being my sister, older and different or not, there is still a degree of a bond and connection there.

Kim has been reading me even on days she doesn’t do her own entry and I don’t remember her doing that in the past. Makes me wonder if Aly asked her to copy entries for her to compare with the ones I emailed her. Of course, I can’t ask her if that’s the case because it will get back to Aly and the truth is hit or miss with her.

A couple of nights ago I damn near bawled my eyes out. For the first time in years, it was actually in a good way, too!

We had our preliminary meeting of sorts as we slowly begin narrowing things down with lots of research as to where we’re going to move to. We’ve decided to make moving our top priority, so large expenses like permanent hair removal have been put on hold. At first we thought we’d have more options with him being retired and that it would be safer and all that, but now we’re thinking we might have more opportunities with him still working since we don’t expect to have as much money when he’s fully retired. My only concern is that many places want you to have had a job for at least a year before you move in but we’re looking into that and our different options. It won’t kill us to wait till 2024 if we have to but I’d rather not. Besides, that’s not a good year to move if you totally believe the number 4 is as unlucky as I believe it is. I’m not usually superstitious but I’ve had all kinds of bad luck associated with that number that I dread my next birthday. I’d skip it and go right to 55 if I could!

The first step was narrowing down the country and we decided to stay in the US. It would certainly be easier this way.

The next thing we both agreed on is that while Tom is oblivious to climate, unlike me, we don’t want to go back to extreme rural where it takes nearly an hour to get to civilization. I realize how risky that was even when we were young and healthy, but being naive as I was then, I didn’t know it. I guess ignorance really can be bliss at times. But now we know better and the last thing either of us wants is to fall down and break a leg and have to wait that long for the paramedics or something like that. Also, I have a higher risk of suffering a heart attack. Do I really want to wait an hour with chest pain if I ever had one when every second counts? No way!

There are other things, too. It would be easier with an electric car if we stuck closer to civilization. We’d be less likely to have to deal with wells and shitty internet connections. We really don’t want to have to give up streaming. We’re totally into Netflix and Hulu and things like that. I’m hoping that all I’ll need to sleep with wherever we end up is Alexa as she plays brown noise, so a reliable connection is essential. I’ve been pumping white noise out of an off-dialed radio station from a stereo I got in the late '90s which will probably be left behind.

I’m going to take the giant bean bag chair, just not with an 80-lb doll on it, LOL. He and I joke about leaving her sitting on one of the toilets with a clump of toilet paper in one hand and the middle finger of her other hand sticking up. Hahaha! Suki is a very beautiful and realistic doll but I just don’t need or want something that big and heavy sitting around.

Not sure if I wrote about this yet or not but several old books were left on the bookcase by the previous owners. In one of them, I put a copy of the complaint form. That ought to make for an interesting read for the next people unless flippers get the place.

Next, we agreed to go to places that we either think we’ll want to stay in or will end up definitely wanting to stay in. In other words, no temporary stops. So that right there ruled out cold climates, and to be honest, just one winter in a cold climate would kill me. LOL

We could still get out of Florida if we went there and it turned out to be a disaster or had some kind of a bad effect on our health that wasn’t as simple as taking Nasacort or whatever. The only problem is that then we would probably have to go to a dumpier park in a cold climate or maybe even an apartment. But at least there would be a way out if we absolutely needed it. This is part of why we decided against going to other countries. It would be a lot easier to back out of Florida than Costa Rica or something like that. Besides, I’m the one that can learn languages, not him. :-) Spanish is loads of fun and a beautiful language to speak but I don’t want to have to interpret every goddamn thing to him. Just doing that for a few months in jail got old, haha.

Next came the choosing of the state. It came down to Florida or Nevada since they both don’t have a state income tax. We don’t want to go as hot as Phoenix or Maricopa and while dry climates are more comfortable, I really hate the huge fluctuations you get out here between night and day. Having warm comfortable days and then dropping 30 or 40 degrees to wake up to freezing mornings like I did today, kind of sucks. I’m bundled up in my robe and slippers now but in a few more hours I’ll be sleeveless and barefoot. But the best we could get in Nevada would be something similar to this, just less rainy. No thanks. I don’t want to half-ass things again like we did coming here. I always thought we should have gone further south but maybe to someplace like Merced, not L.A. which would have more crowds and pollution and shit like that.

So…eeny-meeny-miny-moe, off to Florida we will go. We just don’t yet know where in Florida or when.

The next decision is - do we go to a 55+ park in Florida? Or do we go a little further north and a little further inland and grab an acre or two of land there? That one I can’t tell you yet because we don’t know. We’re looking at both options. I used to go back and forth in my mind asking myself if I would prefer a corner lot or not, but actually, I don’t want either. If we’re going to do a park, we’re going to do it at the end of a dead-end that backs up to either a lake or a canal. While it may be a spectacular view, I don’t know that I’d want to be right on the ocean like my parents were because the sounds of boats may very well make up for motorcycles.

I just hope whatever place we end up in has a bigger kitchen than this. This one is almost too small. I remember back in ‘99 when we moved into our 2100 square foot Palm Harbor home and thinking that the kitchen was ridiculously huge. For that time, maybe, unless you had the Brady Bunch living in it. But these days we have all kinds of gadgets that you didn’t have 20 years ago or at least that we didn’t have, so the extra counter space and outlets would be appreciated.

We also agreed to leave the furniture behind. It’s either old or not comfortable. The mattress is sagging and the couch looks good but is surprisingly firm. All we’re taking besides kitchen stuff, electronics and clothes will be just the things we really want. Several pieces from my doll and knick-knack collection will be left behind. I don’t know if we’re just going to leave things, sell them or donate them, but we’re not to that point yet.

Even the Bowflex and treadmill will be left behind. I can use my Pilates ring and my own body weight for strength training, plus the skier for cardio if I’m not walking or running outdoors. I will take the treadmill tray and get a new treadmill eventually.

We talked about the possibility of living on a houseboat but the monthly slip fee may be costly and I don’t know that I would like the constant motion. Besides, being in something mobile doesn’t mean you could just up and move if you didn’t like what was around you. If we ended up getting loud, partying neighbors on the boat next to us, we couldn’t just up and move without making arrangements to get a new slip first. But we couldn’t exactly be in the middle of the ocean either and not hooked up to electricity.

Here’s where I got all excited to the point where I could feel happy tears of anticipation well up in my eyes. We’re both sick of older places and therefore, the thought of getting land and a brand-new manufactured home is pretty exciting. I remember the excitement of picking out the home we wanted and customizing it and all that.

Here’s the interesting thing Tom found online which makes total sense. Rather than get raw land and have to be the ones to deal with getting utilities set up, you’re actually better off if you get something more established with an old dump on it, have it hauled away, and then get a new place pulled in. Or maybe we can have it dragged to the edge of the property and it will make it look like more people are there and provide extra storage space. Maybe also act as a buffer against sounds coming from neighboring properties.

Like I said before, I’ve pretty much given up on quiet. Quiet doesn’t exist for us. I’m now only focused on getting a place where I don’t have to sleep with an earbud jammed in my ear during the daytime. That’s all I want and will happily settle for just that much if I can get it. No more bedrooms being right on the street, a busy street. A street that rarely goes more than an hour or two without something passing by even in the middle of the night. So from now on, it’s either a dead-end or we’re out in the country.

We were checking out 3D-printed houses and they are so cool! It’s amazing how this crane sits on the roof and pours concrete into the walls. A concrete foundation and concrete walls would definitely deflect sound better than elevated wooden walls. Definitely. I’ve lived in both so I know this firsthand.

We may be able to get a new house either way because if we find an ideal lot in a park but it has an old piece of shit on it, we could have it yanked out and replaced with something new.

Manufactured homes have come a long way since we got one in 1999. Plus, we can look things up online that we couldn’t look up back then. She was just over 2100 square feet and her name was Millicent. I was heartbroken and in tears the day we left but I knew it was for the better and it wasn’t just about saving money, moving on, and being adventurous and experiencing new places. It was about our safety. We had to go underground. As soon as I was vindicated I felt like quite a sitting duck and I hated to wait around for them to start more shit with me that I may not be able to survive or get out of. A corrupt cop was involved, after all, and it was in a state that favored minorities that weren’t gay or Jewish.

There are a surprising number of two-story manufactured homes these days as well as modulars that come prefabricated. Once assembled, one would never guess they weren’t built on-site. There are models similar to Anna which I love that I think we could get. I’d love to have two stories since it’s been a while and I kind of miss running up and down stairs. It’s good exercise!

There are many other things we have to consider. Is the area riddled with crime? Is it near airports? So, lots more research to be done!

Last night I dreamed we were living wherever and were both sleeping in the living room for some reason. I was on a couch that opened into a bed and Tom fell asleep on a nearby couch watching TV.

The lock on the front door which was across from the foot of the bed wasn’t very secure. I don’t know if it blew open or it was pushed open but a young 20-something girl stepped in and was talking either to someone else or perhaps to herself. Behind her, I could see across to a tall apartment building and watched some people moving about through their windows. I seemed more curious about them than I was about this stranger who had suddenly invaded our living room, but just as I was about to ask what the hell she wanted, she left.