What’s the point of having Roe vs. Wade, which is supposed to protect a woman’s right to choose, if one by one states are going to continue to nearly illegalize abortion?

Onto stuff that pertains to us directly… Retaliation has begun. Yes, I am so angry right now and I feel so guilty, too. I totally should have known better than to complain! Phoenix taught me well. It’s just that this isn’t Phoenix, the assholes I complained about are white, so I didn’t think the office would rat me out to them so they could counter-complain and have the park demand that we remove “12 dead/dying” cypress trees cuz they’re a fire hazard. First of all, we don’t have that many that are dead or dying and after we get some bids from an arborist, we’ll have them evaluated. That way we’ll have an expert to tell them they’re full of shit.

The only thing is that Christy really did seem genuine and sincere. Also, Joy has always been nice to me so Mel & Gerry could have found out by other means. Maybe they have a friend working behind the scenes in the office. I have imagined Christy and Joy giving our name over and over again in my mind, and I just can’t see it. I think it’s more likely that after I stupidly told the Twenties, who have already complained about them many times, and also Bob, they mentioned it to someone who tipped them off or to someone else who did. I’m sure it’s the last thing the Twenties or Bob intended or would have wanted but that just seems more likely in my mind even though we’ll never know for sure. I haven’t shared any info publicly and I’m back to being very private. I’m now FO only on PB and that’s the way it stays. I will only be sharing the full story with Tammy and Aly. Knowledge really is power and the more someone has on you, the more there’s the potential that it could be used against you.

I felt terrible and was telling Tom over and over how sorry I was that I ever bothered and that I should have just dealt with it and kept my mouth shut like I did for two years but he kept telling me don’t stress about it, we can deal with it, etc. He also pointed out that this is something we have talked about doing for a long time. The property does look like shit and I’ll be the first to admit it. But I would have preferred to do things on our terms and not be ordered around like a couple of kids. If there’s anyone that hates being told what to do, it’s me. How is it that so many people always have so much power and control over us while we couldn’t do anything to anyone even if we wanted to? And believe me, I don’t want to “screw” or control anyone. I just want to live in peace. That’s all.

At least we now know we don’t need a new roof and can use the money reserved for that but chances are pretty high that once we get done, our savings will be completely drained. This is going to cost thousands of dollars, not hundreds. I’m guessing about five grand. So while our complaints against them cost them little more than kicking their grandbrats out, ours will cost us thousands. Yes, I wanted to do this anyway. It is ugly. We do have to live in this fucked up park for another half a decade, too. But I still feel guilty. I should’ve learned long ago that Jodi S isn’t allowed to complain without consequences, even if she’s got a perfectly legit complaint, and that something up there always protects her perps. Always.

I’m still pissed at them too, and would love to run over and spill their guts and do things best left to the imagination and out of print, but never again will I ever complain about anyone ever again. Not unless our lives are in danger, we’re physically threatened, etc. All I can do is hope they’ll have the balls to come onto our property but I know they won’t do that. Besides, even if they did and I beat the shit out of them in self-defense on my property, that would be somehow used against me as well and I’d have to pay for that, too.

The thing that worries me is that now that they know who we are, as it’s unlikely that Joy happened to just now notice the condition of our place when she came in to deliver the complaint since she lives here and passes by it plenty of times, they’ll know I’m behind the Nicole account. I’m sure that will be brought to Tom’s attention sooner than I’d like it to be because I’m the one that can never get away with shit. Again, I should have known better.

When Tom goes to confront the office which I’m guessing will be after we get estimates and evaluated, he’ll be sure to point out that it’s quite a coincidence that the complaint comes in less than 24 hours after mine and that these trees have been in the same condition for years which is very true.

Now I’m a little worried for Bob and Virginia. If they did go ahead and fill out the complaint form I gave them, they could be retaliated against as well even though their yard is immaculate as always. If the office ratted me and the Twenties out, why not them too? Or, if there’s a neighborhood snitch, they could tip them off, too.

I asked Carolyn if they got complained on after complaining about the assholes and she said not that she was aware of but she’s pretty sure Melody knew they didn’t appreciate their son’s car waking them up at 6am and that someone did complain about their oleanders in back. They just don’t know who it was. I remember when that happened. She said they trimmed them back a bit and that was it. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was them that complained.

Found another account the punk has from when he was married. He’s had the piece of shit he drives for at least five years but also lived in Colorado and Afghanistan when he was in the army. He’s from California.

Tom got 90 bucks in overtime yesterday because they had a long meeting that went 3 hours overtime. This will help but we just don’t have the money most people around here do. We’re on one income and I can’t qualify for disability because I didn’t work long enough to do so and was only on disability in the '90s through my dad.

So yeah, I did have every reason to worry about something up there “punishing” me for speaking out which was my first thought when my heart went on the fritz, and well, now it’s pretty obvious.

I’m no longer documenting the times I hear the punk come and go because I refuse to help this park in this or any investigation from now on in case it was someone in the office that ratted me out (I’m sure the punk will move back in too, to spite people or at least come around more). As I should have told myself, people do shit in communities. If we were to complain about all the shit that goes on in the city, we’d practically be making a career of it. I should have just told myself that this is just city life. It’s the kind of shit you get when you live in such a congested area, and people do break rules all the time and quite often and get away with it. I’ve been hearing more car stereos in here and it’s just terrible overall. Totally regret coming here. Would rather be back stuffed in Jesse’s old trailer listening to Brandy and Whiskey bark up a storm. Regular water shut-offs, loud traffic, landscaping and projects every single fucking day, planes galore, and on and on and on. At least the planes were quiet this morning.

Wish there was a way to withdraw the complaint but it’s too late. No wonder so many are afraid to come forward!

This whole thing has made me long for rural even more. Tom doesn’t have a preference either way and is a lot more noise-tolerant than I am. Yes, I’d love to experience living in a tropical climate which is pretty much the only climate I haven’t experienced, but where there are people, there’s trouble. Oh, we’ll get a few good ones around like the Twenties and Bob and Virginia but people suck shit in general. They’re going to do what they’re going to do and to hell with anyone around them and how it may affect them. They’re in their own little bubble of oblivion, thinking the world revolves around them, and good luck trying to pop that bubble. On the rare occasion that this actually works, it’s only a temporary fix and then they’re either back to their old shit or someone else takes over for them in some way.

So I would definitely like to have no neighbors for the same reason my sister doesn’t want any. Can’t help but think that if adult communities were anything like this back in the 80s, my parents would have gotten the hell out immediately. My mother warned me that she didn’t think this was right for me and believe it or not the bitch actually knew what she was talking about a few times in her life.

The last “moving” dream I had we were headed to Nevada. Well, if we do go rural we sure as shit aren’t going to a cold climate. I just can’t deal with cold and snow. I’m not a fan of humidity either but I would rather that with warmth than dry and cold. Sundresses, tank tops, short shorts, bare feet with sparkly toe rings… That’s me.

I don’t think we’d be able to find anything too rural in Florida that we could afford. I think Nevada would be our best bet as it’s cheaper and then maybe we can keep the car. Damn, though! There’s a part of me that wants to just throw our shit in storage and live in an old beat-up RV for a while. Why not? I sleep shitty enough here as it is. But that would only be as a very last resort. Unfortunately, we can’t just bail out of anything because that would fuck up our credit and hurt our chances of getting something else in the future.

I’m hoping if we do go rural we can get something that’s still on the edge of civilization and not extreme rural where we have close to an hour’s drive to get to a store as we did in Maricopa and on Bly Mountain. If we went semi-rural, I wouldn’t worry so much if we needed to call the paramedics and he would be home more being retired which would make me more comfortable. The only problem is that land close to city limits can be rather expensive. The further from civilization you go, the cheaper the land. The only place in a community I’d go for is nothing we could ever afford. Like where my parents were on Nettles Island.

The only dreams I remember was that we still had Bob and Virginia as neighbors but the places looked totally different. I was shouting something loudly to Tom while outside our places and I heard Bob say, “Oh my God, does she have to be that loud?”

And then there was some dream where I stepped out of a room and into another where I was met with the shadowy silhouette of some guy that wanted to rape me. For some reason, I didn’t fight back and was like, well okay, let’s just get this over with. It was almost like he’d done it before, whoever he was. I sat down on the couch in which a stream of either moonlight or a street light filtered in on and said, “Let’s just do a quickie tonight.” Then I pulled the crotch of my panties aside, hoping I wouldn’t have to take them off.

I was also in some hotel somewhere, too.