On the treadmill now as I make this entry. It’s too soon to know whether or not it was just a coincidence but I slept absolutely fantastic on the new airbed! And this is even with waking up with a coughing fit from a tickle in my throat. I took Children’s Benadryl to help me get back to sleep even though I figured I would wake up totally exhausted once I got up for good as is often the case when my sleep gets broken up, but I didn’t! I actually woke up feeling rather refreshed for a change even though I was up for about an hour after three hours of sleep. Slept a total of 8 hours when you add it all up and not once do I remember waking up other than when I began coughing. I get that one night won’t tell me if it really was the bed that helped or if it’s because I slept mostly at night that helped, but even when I would sleep at night, I still woke up a few times if only just because.

The only two negatives to this bed besides the fact that it won’t last forever is that for some reason airbeds don’t retain heat and feel cold to the touch. I was cold when I got up coughing and had to raise the temperature and throw on a flannel nightgown. Normally I don’t like to sleep in anything other than my undies because of the way clothes bunch and twist around me. This will be great for summer but during the winter I may have to either use the coil mattress or add some layers to buffer me from the mattress itself.

Had to add air a couple of times as they said I would because initially, the thing stretches. However, if I continue to sleep as well as I did last night, having to use a couple of mattress pads and other things because of the cold will be the least of my worries and I will definitely be sticking with this mattress until it bottoms out and I have to get another one.

Really hope Tom and Aly are right when they say that the abortion laws are unlawful and will be overturned before they can go into effect. The biggest thing is for Roe v. Wade to continue to exist!

I have never seen the country in such bad shape since Trump took over. Everything has gone to hell. I understand wanting to keep illegals out since we’re crowded enough and our resources are burdened enough, and I can understand wanting to keep radical Muslims out, but everything else he’s done has been absolutely horrible. He worsened the economy. He separated some families unnecessarily. He scrapped Obamacare so the poor and those without insurance could have zero options. He attacked gay rights. He encouraged hate crimes against Jews. Now he’s instigated a war on women, and again, I don’t see how a guy could possibly hate women this much and not be gay. I think he’s ashamed of his own sexuality and locked in a closet he just can’t get out of and because of it, he’s taking his frustrations out on women. This and the desire to control is usually why men rape and or try to deny women their rights. They hate that they can’t get into the gender they wish they could be attracted to and so they lash out at them instead. I understand that people in his age group weren’t exactly quick to acknowledge and accept their sexuality if they were gay or bi but that’s no excuse to shit on people just because you can’t handle it. If you want to be ashamed of your sexuality and live in denial, that’s your right. But why take your frustrations out on women because of it?

So, please! If you’re a woman, when it comes time to vote again, respect yourself! And if you can’t have self-respect for your own self, have respect for other women!

Melody checked in her account a few days ago, so I saw, but I don’t think either she, her enabling husband, or her bratty son have checked their messages. I still worry about what may happen when and if they do because they’ll know who I am, thanks to Joy. If not, they’ll certainly suspect me.

Speaking of Joy, I tried to see if Melody was on her friend list but she has the list hidden. For some reason, this doesn’t surprise me.

The punk came in twice yesterday. In less than 24 hours it just had to run to mommy and daddy for an hour. Then less than an hour later it had to run back for two more hours.

So we’re back to the twice-daily visits?

Later...

Well, that didn’t go over well at all. I called the number I found listed for Stephan and a woman who sounded mean, black and about his age answered. I asked if she knew Stephan and she hesitantly said yes.

I told her who I was and heard her tell him that it was a lady who said she knew him in 1990. Some words were exchanged which I couldn’t understand, though I think I recognized his voice, then she told me he wasn’t coming to the phone. I asked if she was his wife and in a snotty tone she goes, “None of your business. He’s not coming to the phone.”

So fine, fuck it. I don’t need that unnecessary rudeness from her or to hear from him if he’d rather not hear from me. Funny too, cuz Stephan, black as midnight himself, swore he’d never again marry a black bitch like that, having once said black women were “assholes.” My guess is he feels bad and that she’s a major control freak that has him wrapped around her finger, but that’s their problem.

All these years I hoped he’d found his ideal soulmate as I did but when I think about it, it’s hard for me to believe he could be happy with such a rude, defensive, hostile bitch, black or white. And I’d be willing to bet she truly was his wife too, or else she wouldn’t have said, “None of your business” when I asked if she was.

One thing that’s funny is that he’s got to be wondering how the hell I made it out to Cali, LOL. Well, he’ll never know!

Something hit me after I hung up, though. Did she hang up on me when I said, “Fine, fuck you,” to her rudeness, or did he take the phone from her right as I hung up? Just trying to remember if that was really a hello I thought I heard in the very last split second that might have been from him but it doesn’t matter because I don’t want anything to do with either of them at this point.

Also, maybe he doesn’t remember me as fondly as I remember him. I did bum a lot of smokes off of him when I was trying hopelessly to quit, and I was unable to see him the way he saw me.

But then he did visit on his own when I moved to South Deerfield and he did surprise me with 40 bucks in cash on his way out which I never asked for. I was grateful as hell for it but never asked for it.

I’ll never know what’s on his mind now and he’ll never know what’s on mine because even if he secretly contacted me, I don’t know that I could have a connection with someone connected to someone so mean. This totally sounded like the type of woman who would gladly run out and shoot me if she could. I just get the impression she wouldn’t want him to have any female friends even if they were on the other side of the country.

As I said before - and I should’ve kept my own word - to hell with looking for people. Let them look for me for once. My name was on the mailboxes, too. He could’ve remembered my name if he’d cared to just as I remembered his.