Hey, I just wrote 3 songs!

Got some fairly shocking, yet nice news to start with. This may happen once a year, but yesterday’s sex was awesome. As soon as he was inside me, I said to myself, wow! He’s closer than he’s ever been. Then I said, nah. He tells me he’s almost always close. Sure enough, though, when we were done he said he’s never been that close and that there’s no comparison to how close he was then within the past. I know not to count on this being a common occurrence, but it sure made me feel good. More normal and womanly, I guess. He took my hope of having a kid which is usually between 0% - 1% and made it 2%. I had about a second there where I feared possibly having to go with no smokes for 24 hours.

He said to me, “I’m doing lousy with the weight bet, but I’m gonna win this one, so you better get used to the idea of that 24 hours with no cigarettes.”

I’m still 98% - 99% sure he won’t cum, but if he only cums once at a time of the month that I can’t get pregnant only for the sake of me having to not smoke for 24 hours, I’m gonna be pissed!

I spoke to Andy who’s thrilled that his money problems are solved due to Michelle moving in. Now his rent will only be $175. This is also a good way to see how well they can live together for the next 6 months when his lease is up. We both think it’ll work out fine cuz he gets along better with Michelle than he did with Bug.

I called Marla for him cuz he wanted me to have her call him. Marla says she’ll be sending me an email on AOL. Tomorrow at 2:00 I’ll be calling his father so he can wish him a happy birthday, and he’ll pay us back.

I haven’t read Andy my songs yet, but Tom saw them, of course. He rated Walk Towards the Light a 7, Entity an 8, and Unplanned Fate a 9 with the potential to be a 10.

I sang earlier and recorded myself singing and playing the guitar to The Sweetest Gift.

Later...

Andy’s gonna be calling, so I may get cut off.

I asked Tammy if she got a tape from Mom and Dad and she got the same one I got on her birthday.

Tom got more work done on the back room and with other stuff than I thought. I guess the reason it seemed differently is cuz I’ve never been that busy or had so much stuff.

I took those same plastic notes I traced on the wall and traced them on an all-white T-shirt. Then I colored them in. I’ve had these notes for 10 years and little did I know just how useful they’d be.

Later...

I finally got ahold of Kim who’s doing fine and miraculously will be able to have kids. She’ll be out of work for one more week. She said she got all kinds of single sheets of stationery for 37 cents apiece in Maine before her surgery. She stood with her mother the first night, was throwing up and sore, but is much better now. Afterward, she stood with her grandmother in Maine for 3 days.

She also received that hair thing, so she’s gonna send me that, pictures, and a letter.

Later...

I am so fucking miserable right now. I mean, I feel like a total failure. I should’ve known better. Why did I set myself up to fall?