When Tom came home last Thursday he said I was gonna say, I told you so! Then he told me they offered him a full-time position at work. I told him I had a strong feeling he wouldn’t have to get a part-time job and that almost all of my strong feelings are right.

Yesterday we had a long talk about our situation that I wrote about and even read him what I wrote. I know nothing can ever be consistently good, but I just wish there weren’t so many things getting in the way of good sex. Why can’t we go for longer periods where sex is good? It’s not that I don’t ever want to have sex again, it’s just that I want to feel that he’s a part of it too. I want to feel more pleasing to him.

He brought up a point when he said, “I just couldn’t get into it, but it wasn’t your fault. We all have our days when we can’t get into a lot of different things.”

True.

He brought up another good point when he told me to imagine how I’d feel if he were the one giving up on me as far as the sex goes, the singing, the business, and whatever else. True as well. I don’t want to give up, but I don’t want to go running around in circles with him all my life, either.

Early in the morning, we’re gonna do some recording and videotaping of us playing guitar, keyboards, and singing. If we don’t complete the video this weekend, then we agreed on a goal of completing it by next weekend.

He set up an awesome thing, though. We talked, laughed, and sang through the mike and out the speakers and it came out with reverb and would echo about 5 times. It makes you sound edited, but each edit overlaps the other, unlike my edits. I ran an old edit tape from one box, through the mike and out of the speaker and into another box. It sounded OK but was a little distorted and bassy. There was static too, or buzzing or hissing, or whatever the hell you want to call it.

I left Andy a few messages with my evil laughter as well as me singing and talking. He thought it was cool. I’ll have to play some for Tammy and my parents one of these days. For Kim, too.

I wonder if tomorrow or Monday I’ll get that hair thing from Kim. Probably Monday.

Tomorrow is when we’ll probably send Tammy’s disks out to her.

There’s something set up wrong, cuz I can’t get into AOL to see if there are any messages from Marla or Alex.

Got a letter from Bob today who had nothing new to really say. He also sent me an article that he wants me to send to Kim. The girl in the article, Tom and I agreed, was pretty stupid for bringing her stuff in and not just the auto registration. Tom says he thinks it’s another visitor who stole her stuff from the prison she visited.

Later...

I’m making a chicken pot pie now.

I began to type up the beginning of this book, but now that I’ll be done with it, it’ll make it easier. It’s a pain in the ass when I want to write, then realize it’s out by the computer, just when I made myself comfy. I know my next book won’t include Tom cumming, but I sure hope it brings better sex. I just want to feel normal about it like a whole woman. Not some freak of a sexual outcast. Yes, it’s true that when we start sex we may not be able to get into it. Or, don’t think we can get into it, but do, but I just don’t want these weekly setbacks with problems and excuses of various kinds.

How can it be so muggy with the EC on? Even Tom had said it felt muggy earlier, but it doesn’t feel muggy outside. Better go switch the AC back on now.

Later...

I just ate and had a cigarette which I’m trying not to do much of.

It’s a pretty dark night out. Can’t read the writing on the top step of the pool, let alone see the drain. There are several stars out. It’s cloudless, though, which makes it darker. Clouds seem much lighter than the dark sky with no clouds.

Anyway, I began a letter to Bob which I’ll go finish. That’ll go out tomorrow, along with Goldie and Al’s welcome home letter.

Later...

Just finished Bob’s letter.

I can’t believe there’s still no one next door, but oh how I love it!!!!!!!! It’s great not hearing dogs and van doors that sound like they’re right in front of my face! Boy, am I gonna get compensated for this! Thank God I love music and fans, cuz I’m gonna really need them. I’ll miss these quiet peaceful nights. And days, too. I’ll miss the times of hearing only Tom talk if that’s all I want to hear. Soon enough I won’t be able to hear the TV and TV alone. There’ll be bouncing balls, screaming, and car doors with it. Oh, how I’ll miss these times!