I wish I knew what the fuck was up. Yesterday I awoke at 100 pounds. By the end of the day I was 104, but I’ve hardly eaten! Like I said, my body’s acting like it did in the Navane days. Why? The only thing I can think of is that it’s got something to do with offing the Theo and upping the inhalers.

Yesterday turned out to be pretty good. Tom was fine and enjoyed his visit. He, his parents, and Mary were playing cards in the end.

Not only was Evie thrilled to get my letter and loved the drawings, but she said it came at the perfect timing since she just put her cat to sleep who was over 20 years old.

Tom and I were discussing ideas for Christmas presents for his family. One of them was an idea we had a long time ago to carve my drawings into wood. Another is to have me make a miniature lampshade and then he can find something to use for the body, and run a cord through it with a small battery. He has small light bulbs.

Tom’s in the bathroom now, then he’ll be putting hydrocortisone in my ear.

I’m shocked that he says KD Lang has an ugly voice. Just as shocked as I was when he told me I don’t sing properly.

I don’t? I know I’ve got some problems, but I’ve had some training and he said he could tell that. He says I could work on it. Well, I do, but I think he’s just saying this cuz I gave up on it due to not trusting him. Now he can’t make false promises about it since I refuse to do any work on it.

Last night after Tom went to bed, Andy called and treated me to Denny’s where I got a nice clear mug for my collection.

One suggestion he gave for his birthday in February was a toaster.

I told him about the doggie mugs in Old America and how I want to check Michelle’s book out that she has at the library. It’s a book interpreting dreams. I may not buy some of it, but I think it’d be neat to check out.

It was weird to us how this Denny’s was laid out just like the one in Chicopee was. The same as the one Tom and I went to around here.

Afterward, he came over here and was cracking up over Bob’s letters and misspellings. Especially over the table and chair thing and how he said, “It’s 1 AM. Would you like your massarge now?”

So, I gave him the letters I’ve copied so far, some envelopes and he taped some of his phone messages. I showed him some drawings, too.

Tom’s been really teasing with sex lately. Luckily my sparks for him are lower, otherwise it’d probably drive me crazy as well as hurt my feelings. Yesterday he wanted to do “something different.” All cuz I brought it up, of course, and to try to cover up how sex is for me only. He pointed out how he sometimes just goes down on me and takes care of me, so I did him with my hand before bed and when he got up. Of course, it was all just to get excited. Cumming in my hand is just as much of a no-no cuz that’d show all the more of how he’s anti-kid. I said he could take care of himself in the shower and he said that didn’t appeal to him. Well, no red-blooded human can stay built up so much, so I hope he has an awful lot of wet dreams. The only resource of relief he’ll admit to.

This is the 10th time I’ve jabbed myself with ink!

Robin must be back. I went to zap some water for coffee for a minute and it was still cold. After the second time, it was fine, though.

What in the hell are the people across the street having an outdoor party for at this hour? What is it with people and their front yards out here? All they use their backyards for out here is to store their dogs. I can hardly hear them, but I thought I heard a little boy, then an adult yell, “Hey!” I think it’s the house between the music people and Mr. Piggy.

I’m pretty sure the mother still lives in the music house and it seems more so that she and her son have no contact at all. Well, if they mend their ways or if he comes home, I hope it isn’t before we move.

Tom said despite his having a problem, his opinion is that we’re not going to a doctor. in ‘97. Oh, so after more than two years of this, he’ll be cured on his own one day before April of ‘97? His problem isn’t not being able to cum, it’s not admitting to not wanting a kid.

He makes it hard for me cuz everything always has to be just perfect and I’ve always got to really watch what I say. He tells me not to talk about it to not put pressure on him so he can relax and have more opportunities to work on it (he never had the opportunity), but his weird ways put pressure on me.

Earlier I asked if he’d spoil me. He said yes. Then I said I wondered what we were gonna do and he reminded me how he doesn’t like to plan it. Can’t I ever, though?

Then I said to myself, I know him. He’s gonna punish me by crying too tired. I beat him to it, though, by asking for a rain check, cuz I’ve got a lot of work I want to do and aren’t too horny at this time. Sure enough, he said that was fine cuz he was beat. I’m sure he is, though. He’s been up since 5:30 and he went to bed at 9:00. He waits, though, till he knows he’s gonna be too tired and goes and does computer work first.

No opportunity my ass.

But you see, if I bring up this to him or other things he does, he’ll do it more. It’s the opposite if I ask him not to leave the sink water dripping. Then he will keep leaving it dripping.

Here’s another thing that could happen with the doctor we’ll need if I can get him there. I don’t know if the doctor would do some procedure for us or just talk to us, but if he were to talk to us, that could be an advantage to Tom. Meaning, the advice the doctor gives us could take “time.” Lots of it.

I have other things to do now, so bye for now.