They’re back next door doing who the hell knows what. Tom said he’ll try to see what they’re doing when he goes grocery shopping. He says he thinks they’re probably just doing repairs.

Got a few things to mention before I get into yesterday.

I don’t expect to hear Tom nagging me to quit smoking again. I really believe he’d rather me smoke than have a kid. He’s not looking forward to me saying something like - I should get a kid for this if I could and did quit smoking. I know better, though, believe me.

I tried telling him yesterday how sex (not oral) was hard for me due to my feeling like a freak about it. He was basically like, we’re not going to see a doctor in ‘97 if we’re not screwing, but that’s up to me. Then he’s saying I’m only concerned about my feelings.

Well, don’t I have a right to be concerned about my own feelings every now and then?

I realized another possibility last night, too. Perhaps right before April of ‘97, he’ll cum occasionally. Meaning, not enough to go to a doctor, but not enough to get me pregnant. Especially if he made sure he came at the wrong time of the month. Would he take that chance? I can see him risking cumming once; that’s how against a kid he is.

Tweak Daddy is still hammering.

Later...

I went to help mow the lawn, but anyway, I guess tweak Daddy’s gone now. I thought knowing him, he’d work till 2:00 in the morning.

No chance of me getting sex tonight, but what I did was worth it and sort of funny. Even he laughed at some of it. He said he’d rather anything than for me to smoke. Yeah, I believe that, but almost. I think if he had to choose between being castrated or having a kid, he’d take the castration. He’d take anything over a kid. Probably even sleeping with a guy, to know there’ll never be a kid would be worth it, too. Well, he never did come out and promise me a child if I quit and I can’t make him do something he refuses to do. I started to say to him why should I be the only one giving what the other wants by quitting? So, finally, I decided that if I quit it can only ever be just for better health and saving money. I told him I’ve tried to quit on my own for 17 years and that hasn’t worked. The only way is for him to take them and not give me any if I ask for one and this is what we’re doing.

After I listen to music, I’ll write about a dream that came true and our visit to his parents.