I was just thinking about how Marla was talking about this mind-over-matter stuff and how if I told myself I wouldn’t get pregnant, then I wouldn’t. Well, then why can’t those who don’t want kids or the hassles and side effects of birth control, just tell themselves they won’t get pregnant and let it be a case of mind over matter for them? Cuz I still think that something up there has an obsession with mainly giving kids to those who don’t want them.

Later...

I just went for a swim and have been working on getting color when my schedule permits it.

My ear was quite itchy, so first I threw some alcohol in there, then some peroxide and when I did that, it roared with bubbles. Then out came a fairly large chunk of wax and as gross as it was, at least I got it cleaned out so I don’t have to worry about an infection. Now the good ear gives me more trouble than the bad and I’m glad the bad one doesn’t produce much wax.

We screwed again and he says he had a light orgasm, but I doubt it. So, my prayers will still go unanswered. Tom says there’s always tomorrow, but I think tomorrow will be too late.

It’s hard, all this praying and trying to have faith. I mean, my sister never had to get close to God or pray to God for a child and neither did most others that I’ve known or do know. A part of me still feels I shouldn’t have to drop down on my knees and beg for something that’s supposed to be natural and a part of life.