As a kid, my favorite day of the week used to be Friday, cuz that would be the last day of school. Now, though, my favorite day is Monday, cuz it’s the start of 5 days of peace. Not that it’s been noisy on weekends, but you never do know, so that’s why weekends are a bit more stressful for me. Next weekend is the 4th of July holiday weekend, so I can only imagine just what might transpire next door.

Woke up at 104 today, but my metabolism is still slow.

I’m getting good color, going swimming just about every day and the patio looks better, too. I’ve decided that at least for a while, I’d just give the birds the heels of our loaves of bread, rather than seed regularly too, to try to reduce their hanging out on the patio so much.

I just tried calling Kim, who said she got in a car accident and that her car was pretty much totaled, but she’s OK. Thank God she’s OK, but what is it with her and all these car accidents?

Yesterday I downloaded a couple of new match games where you match pictures (a lot like playing concentration), and a new and improved version of that tiles game I’ve loved so much over the last month. This one has more and nicer tile sets and has more features to it and it seems to be free of bugs. The other one had a few bugs. I also downloaded some tilesets, too, and Tom will install them when he gets up. He said he might not even sleep for 8 hours cuz he’s pretty well-rested. I thought that Mondays and Tuesdays were when he was the most beat. Anyway, will he be rested enough to return to screwing? We’ll see, but I’m not gonna bring it up and it’s easier for me to go without it more often after my period. That’s when a woman’s peak tends to be a bit lower.

I’m still praying daily, even though I know better and if Tom’s serious about a home business, I really really wonder if that’s got anything to do with his making me wait on him and with his not being in a hurry for a kid. Even he admitted that there’s no urgency and that it’ll happen when it happens. Well, in my opinion, if someone’s not in a hurry for something they claim to want bad and more than anything else, and have been in the right circumstances for it for years, and are plenty old enough for it, then they don’t want it nearly as much as they say they do.

He’s got your typical man’s attitude about this, but as I said, be it consciously or not, intentionally or not, is the business, besides the fact that we got married sooner than he had wanted to, among other stuff, another reason for his lack of eagerness to cum?

If this man ever wakes up and sees that logic and my woman’s intuition are correct about my sterility, I still have some very very serious doubts, fears, paranoia and a whole lot more about seeing a doctor. Regardless of the fact that God’s not gonna let no doctor. give a woman a child that he’s so determined to see remain childless, it’s just not fair and not right. Why should I have to work for and pay for a child? Huh? Why should I? Why should I have to pay for what should occur naturally? Why should I have to do God’s work for him? I still feel the same; if 15-year-olds and psychos can get this act of nature for nothing, and if God can love them enough to bless them with the gift of a child, why should I be any different? What the hell did I do that makes me so much more undeserving and not good enough for me to get pregnant naturally and for free? Well, obviously something up there feels I’m different enough, and I’m sorry, but I’m just not paying thousands of dollars for a miscarriage.

It can take years of a person putting in years of fighting God for something they shouldn’t have to fight him on, but it only takes a second to give up. I’m not gonna lower myself to kissing no God’s ass and I’m not gonna belittle myself into having to work my ass off and pay a fortune cuz God didn’t care enough to create a life in me for having nothing but good old-fashioned sex. Kids aren’t supposed to cost a fortune and be hard work till after they’re born. If he can love and favor teenagers, drug dealers, murderers and rapists more than me, then I guess I’m really doomed for hell when I die, if such places as heaven and hell really do exist. I once heard a lady say that she thinks everyone gets to go to heaven, cuz we all have enough hell on earth to live through. That makes sense to a degree. Life is hard. It’s hard, even if you’ve got it all. Life is so unfair, too, or else Amy Fisher wouldn’t be doing all these years in jail for attempted murder, while O.J. Simpson gets off for a double homicide. And it’s all cuz he was rich, famous and male. Amy came from wealth, but she wasn’t famous and she was a female.