The Brown Man died last night. Tom’s out cremating him now so he doesn’t attract maggots. We don’t bother to bury mice anyway. I just dread finding out just how many of these females are pregnant. And right after I finally segregated them without fucking up. It would’ve been too early to start breeding had I seen Teddy Bear next spring, but now I have no reason to breed at all. I have enough mice for myself.

It’s vet’s day today, so if Mary hasn’t gotten my last letter yet, she will tomorrow.

Bad vibes pertaining to behind us and at the jail have subsided greatly, but I don’t know why. Maybe Mary was planning to trash me, but then chilled out and decided this shit wasn’t worth fighting over. Or maybe I just don’t give a shit, since I resolved to not let anyone from jail get to me, and since I already resigned myself to the fact that I lost the bear. As are all things, it’s in God’s hands. If he wants the bear to visit next May, she will. If he doesn’t, she won’t.

Another thing is that if I end up getting yanked out of this house again and dragged into the city, then that’s where I’ll stay. If I’m meant to live in the city, I will. I’m not gonna have it be where sometimes I live here, sometimes I don’t.

I also won’t do a damn thing as far as working out and dieting goes. I’m starting to see a real difference again as far as muscle goes, and if I’m gonna be forced to lose all I’ve worked for again, I’m not starting over for the third time. I’m either all or nothing in this department, too. People should either always work out or just not bother. Working out on and off makes no sense. It’s just a waste.

I’m still 117 pounds, though, cuz I’m still stuck. If I’m having this much trouble at 117, there’s no way I’ll get even close to 105. In fact, I don’t think I’m going to lose anymore. I’ll still stick to the 1000-calorie diet, though, now that I found an easy way to do it. This way I’ll be sure never to go over 120 again. It’s just awfully sad that I can’t lose more than 7 pounds on such a low-calorie diet. If I were in my 20s, I’d already be 105, and if I continued on at the rate I’m going, I’d be emaciated in no time.