Yes, it got a little chilly in here last night. Down to 72°, and it’s gonna get chillier tonight. It only made it up to 77° in here today. I’m trying to wear warmer clothing before I turn on the heat (though I will turn it on if it drops below 70°) for the sake of saving money.

Tom should be home anytime now. It’ll be interesting to see if he brings any jail mail for me, though I doubt it. It’s been nearly a month now since I heard from Mary. I still say my first guess is that I won’t hear from her, the second’s that she’ll send me a “fuck you” letter, and lastly, she’ll tell me everything’s fine. Maybe she even got into it with Ida. It seems less likely, though, that she’d get into it with her as easily as I did since she’s more tolerant. Mary can sleep through anything, so she wouldn’t mind if Ida was up bopping around the room at 7 AM. I doubt they’d fight over how much of the vent was blocked, either.

Looking at it from Teddy Bear’s perspective, she’s certainly going to be pissed to find out I told someone in that jail that we liked each other. I myself personally, would not be, but most people would be. Knowing how overly cautious and professional the bear is, she’d definitely drop me like a hot potato if anything was said to her.

Worries, stresses, worries, stresses! And all for the wrong people! I mean, here I am, worrying my ass off about what these fucking low-life, scum-sucking inmates may say. Fuck that shit! I need to move on, with or without my bear.

As far as not hearing from Mary goes… ordinarily, I’d say no news was good news. Yes, I’d be happy not to hear from her, but that’d only convince me all the more that she bashed me to the bear. Should I really bother to write the bear next May? Should I bother sending a letter I know won’t get answered?

Later…

True to vibed, there was no word from jail. Don’t let my logic/vibes jump the gun, Tom urged me, telling me that if I don’t hear from the bear again, it could be for a million reasons and not necessarily cuz of Mary or Ida. She could get a better job opportunity, the county could lay her off, she could have to leave the state on a family emergency, they could have a policy in February stating that all personal mail will be returned, etc.

This is true, but what are the chances of any of those things happening as opposed to Mary and Ida ruining things for me?

Tom seems to be more empathetic about this than I thought he’d be. He even promised to help me see if I could find her online when it gets closer.

Although I hope not, maybe Tom’s right when he suggested that just like with Rosa, our time was meant to be brief, and not an introduction to a whole ‘nother chapter in life. Maybe she was just destined to help me get through that place, and she sure did! Just like my heart would pound with happy, excited anticipation when I’d be called for visits, it would when I’d see she was on, too. She totally made my night when she was on. When she was on, I knew everything would be ok. She made the time fly. An hour’s visit with Tom felt like 10 minutes, and 8 hours with Teddy Bear felt like just a couple of hours. Palma never made my nights like she did.

I don’t know what to think at this point. My vibes say everything’s cool as far as the bear goes, but logic says it isn’t. I know firsthand how spiteful people can be and over the dumbest things, too.