Five and a half months from now I could’ve seen my Teddy Bear, but no. I had to be stupid and let someone go and ruin it for me. It’s gonna be so hard next May, knowing I could be seeing her if it weren’t for my stupidity and someone else’s cruelty.

You’d think Mary would’ve been a bit more empathetic. I mean, she of all people should know what it’s like to lose someone she cares about. Then again, maybe she didn’t care. Maybe she wasn’t at work. Maybe she was right there all along with him. And maybe I had her all wrong in that department. She fooled me in others, after all.

Anyway, it was yesterday that I noticed that the trailer was gone. There were a lot of workers over there, though. Remember, this is an old piece of shit so the setup will take more work. Now I’m not sure if those trailer freeloaders are going to live there or not. Maybe not and maybe that’s why my bad vibes subsided so quickly. But still, that place has “freeloaders” written all over it and there’s nothing to say that whoever does end up in the thing won’t be a problem. That’s okay, though. I can be a problem right back.

I still think that yes, having the same old thing every day does get boring, but I should’ve stuck out that last diet regimen I was on a little longer. It was working without leaving me starving my ass off. Sooner or later I’d have had to have started shitting. I couldn’t have stayed stuck forever. As soon as my body realized it wasn’t going to get 1500 or more calories a day, it would’ve adapted, and it’s not like I’d have had the same old stuff forever. Maybe I just didn’t give it enough time. The plan I had wasn’t all that terrible as far as variety goes. Having a cucumber and a can of peaches would be my fruits and veggies. I’d get my protein with a packet of corned beef, then I’d have the potatoes and pudding. All this would be slightly over 1000 calories a day, excluding gum. If I kept this up for a few months, with the exception of one day a week to indulge, I’d have to lose weight. My body couldn’t possibly hold its weight on that, even if I were stuck every other day.

I had major variety yesterday, including beans, yet I’m stuck again. Besides, due to my lack of willpower, having too much variety around tempts me to have a little of this, then a little of that. Next thing I know I’ve had too much.

I’m just not sure if I want to do this next week or wait till after the New Year, what with all the treats the holidays bring. Also, I strongly vibed, even before Mary stole my bear from me, that I wouldn’t be seeing the bear before Christmas.