Saw Apple Cheeks, who says I can do the rest of my probation standing on my head.

Oh, I just can’t wait! Like I look soooo forward to it, too!

Anyway, the cheek’s schedule will be changing after the New Year. Instead of reporting to him the first two Fridays of the month, it’ll be the first and third Fridays of the month. See, I knew he wouldn’t be telling me to report just once a month anytime soon. He never will, either. In this state, I’m no better than a murderer.

At least he’s not bugging me here at home as much. Oh, how I wish those freeloaders would come and see me here! But they’re gutless wimps cowering behind the law. I don’t know, though, people like them, who think they’re invincible tend to get stupid. Stupidly brave. Maybe they will come and see me someday. I hope they do, but they damn well better be prepared to die for it! The question is, though, would they have the balls to face me directly, or would they just shoot at the house or try to burn it, then turn around and run? My only fear is that they’d probably be more likely to do shit to the house than to me. Maybe the black bitch is afraid of me like she was playing to be. She should be. I mean, technically, after all she’s put me and my husband through, she has every reason to fear me. Initially, she and her people weren’t afraid of me, but once they finally got a reaction, they probably did get a little scared after all. Maybe they’ll think the next time they pick on some other white neighbor.

At the same time, I fear they won’t “legally” go away. They know they can fuck me over through the law and get away with it. They’ve fucked me over and have gotten away with it for years, so I worry about that going to their heads. I really do. Some people just never stop. Enough is never enough, and I know obsession when I see it. Helen kept saying they don’t think of me, but I disagree. I think they think of me nearly every single day of their sorry lives. It used to be to think of how they could harass me noise-wise, but now it’s how they can use and abuse the law against me. I just hope I have an airtight alibi if and when they ever strike again because if they use the law and refuse to fight fair by directly facing me, there’s no way I stand a chance of beating them. I’m too white and too childless. I don’t have any pig friends, either. Vengeful, angry, bitter friends, hiding behind a label that says, “biased crimes.” All that black pig was out to do was “get even with whites.”

Again, I think of karma and all that, but again I truly believe that different people have different rules and standards set upon them by God. Just because I have to pay dearly for the smallest fuck-up, does not mean others have to as well. What have these freeloaders lost on account of me? A dog? Him living in that house with her? Wow! That’s an awful lot compared to what we lost now, isn’t it? Such poor, poor freeloaders. I know she didn’t lose the house on account of us. We would’ve heard about it if they did. The only thing that surprises me is why they moved out so quietly and civilizedly. If they were moving with nothing more to lose, why didn’t they blast us the fuck out? The stereo had to be broken. It had to be.

They say it’s therapeutic to write your thoughts and feelings down and all that, but I don’t know if I like this writing about the freeloaders almost as extensively as I used to when I lived with them, so I’m going to tune them out now. My freeloader ventilation spree is over for today.

When we came back, I noticed right away that the house smells much better now that there are no GPs here. If I ever get another one, I think it won’t be before the next 20 years.

Tom’s organizing his office now, so he tells me. Oh, I don’t want to hear it! So he organizes some of it, then gives up on it. Or he organizes it all, then trashes it a week later. Big deal.

I miss my Teddy Bear. I want my Teddy Bear. Oh, bear, how I came to love you so!

Little Buddy’s been really demanding attention lately. He sure does love to run around the house! He loves it when I share my treats with him, too. He licks my ice cream off of a knife.

The mice were cute earlier, sliding down tubes like little furry firemen.

Tom downloaded me this fingerspelling screen saver that spells words (musical instruments) but the thing that lets you create your own word list is disabled because we have the freeware version.

I wish I could get a sign language dictionary. That’d be so cool to have just like I have English and Spanish dictionaries.

Tom didn’t go to the PO Box during his vacation because it’s not worth spending the gas money to drive that far, so when he goes on Monday, I hope there’ll be something from Mary. And hopefully, she’ll have something to report to me about Teddy Bear. I wonder just how true it is about my theory about her going away along with me, so to speak. If I understood Mary, she hasn’t worked there as much since I left. Palma hasn’t worked there at all. I wish I could see her, if only for a second. Just steal a quick, secret peek at her to see what she looks like nowadays. I’d still love her, but I hope she hasn’t cut her hair off and decided to go short.

I feel like there’s something I’m forgetting to write about, but if I am, I haven’t remembered it yet. Therefore, I’ll just say that if I’m truly meant to lose this weight and keep it off for once, now’s the time I’ll do it. With the diet plan I’ll be on, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t lose 10-20 pounds unless I really do have a hell of a mental block about losing weight because of how I ended up gaining it back the last two times I lost weight. I’m starting it on Sunday. I’m starting with 1100 calories and I’m even cutting out gum. I’ll have two big 400-calorie servings of potatoes, a 180-calorie serving of roast beef, and a 120-calorie serving of corned beef. Next week I’ll drop down to 1040 calories because by then both meat servings will be corned beef only. And of course, I’ll be exercising, too.

I wrote much more than I meant to and am used to doing these days, and no, I haven’t started my autobiography yet. I will sooner or later, though. First I’m finishing up proofing Teddy Bear’s copy of the jail journal, then I’m going to hear it read back to me by the reader, then that’ll wrap up the Estrella saga.