The doctor I wanted to see isn’t taking any new patients now so now I have to pick out another doctor to make an appointment with.

I finally heard from Paula. I was just entering the living room when I heard the cell phone start chiming, and it turns out that she’s just been busy though she was sick around that time I had the bad dream about her. They didn’t do the hysterectomy yet. Instead, they’re going to run more tests on her.

She said she’s going to school and I asked her what for. She said “flowers.” I asked her if she liked it and she said no. Then why are you going? I asked her, and she said because her sister’s paying for it, whatever that means. Maybe this sister just felt that she didn’t have enough to do. She does have a car but she doesn’t have Internet access.

Got in a half-hour workout earlier. Damn, I’m in good shape for a fatty! I just wish the lunging exercises weren’t so hard on my knees because they make them feel stiff afterward. I don’t know if this is because I’m doing them wrong or because of my extra weight.

Not that I want to, but last night I was thinking about how I’ve never sensed my parents’ presence or my brother’s. I’m guessing this could only be because they either don’t wish to contact me, are unable to, or there’s no such thing as the afterlife.

Sure enough, just like they have been doing much more often than I’d like since they died, they were in my dreams. Even my uncle was in one of my dreams. My father was sick in the dream and my mother had cancer. My uncle answered the phone when I tried to call my father and seemed to be thrilled to hear from me. It makes me wonder if all the dreams I have of them, even if they’re not always good to me and even if they’re not always wanted, are their way of reaching out to me from the other side. Maybe they feel that by coming to me in my dreams I am reminded of them. Not that they don’t pop into mind at times while I’m wide awake. I wish they wouldn’t, but sometimes they just seem to force their way into my mind. Usually, it will just be some random memory, sometimes good, sometimes bad.

Been busy copying journals from/to various blog sites and spending less time on Facebook. Everything there is “like” this “like” that and it really gets old. My news feed is jammed with spam and so many people post the same old shit over and over again anyway. So Facebook has really lost its shine. Glitches never get fixed and things change like crazy, though I do try to check in once a day for messages.