Tammy left a couple of messages yesterday. Due to Mark’s heart troubles, they’re not sure if he’s going to be able to run their side business or not, but they recently renewed their business license, so hopefully he’ll be able to do some work. She said business usually slows down at this time of year anyway. I asked if she thought they’d have to move to a smaller place that’d be easier to maintain and she said they loved it there and don’t want to leave. Well, then let’s just hope nothing ever forces them to have to do so!

Apparently, Lisa (her oldest who will soon be 31) has claimed responsibility for the shit she’s pulled on the others and is trying to patch things up with her sisters. I guess she was into lying and stealing and would constantly cancel out on plans they’d have.

She’s “afraid” to call Tammy, though, and Sarah told her that’s messed up and to just hang up if she says something she doesn’t like. Yeah, well, Tammy does get a bit scary when she gets pissed. Even Tammy herself admits she isn’t going to just be quiet about it if she’s stabbed in the back. She doesn’t have to be quiet about it, I told her. It’s ok to get angry and to tell the person why you’re pissed, even though they’re probably going to deny things and counterattack, cuz that’s just how people are. What’s not ok is revenge and bullying. People should just ignore those they don’t get along with and they should respect those that tell them not to contact them.

I think Tammy has recognized the error of her ways in the past and has admitted this as well. She loves Lisa but doesn’t like the person she became and said she’d be willing to move on if things could change from here on out. But that’s just the thing and I warned her about it, too. Lisa may never change. Anyone can apologize for doing something wrong. Anyone can. But can/will they change? People aren’t going to simply up and change because we may want them to or because we tell them to. They are who they are and only they can change themselves. It’d be like someone demanding I lose weight when I’m content with my bigness.

I have found that the more fall-outs I have with someone, the less likely things are to go well indefinitely, so I adopted a 2-strikes-you’re-out rule. Sometimes just 1 strike is enough if it’s serious enough. Blood-related or not, there are too many people in this world we actually DO get along with to waste time on those we don’t get along with, but hopefully things will eventually work their way out and stay that way. Maybe they really can get along from here on out, but one thing I do know for sure is that I’m not going to get involved in any disputes. I’m no one’s mediator!

When Larry casually called me in the 90s, I was like, hey buddy, YOU dumped ME. So since you’re the one who threw me away like yesterday’s trash why should I carry on with you as if nothing ever happened?

But I was still young and naïve at the time and didn’t respect myself in the way that I do now. In 1999 that all changed when I promised the hypocrite we were done forever. I meant it too, and was pissed as hell when Mom threw him on the phone like she did after Dad died. My anger toward him eventually petered out and left me numb and indifferent where he was concerned, and his death didn’t touch me any more than a stranger in Ohio would. It did shock me a bit, though, cuz it was so sudden and unexpected and we had just lost Mom and Dad.

For Tammy’s sake and for Sarah and Becky’s, I hope Lisa’s apology is sincere and that things can go forward in a positive way. If not, ignorance really is bliss. Who needs bipolars, liars, thieves, phonies and those with trust issues that can’t even believe you if you tell them it’s cold out when there are better choices out there?

Lisa’s had the same BF for 10 years that she’s now engaged to, which is part of why she contacted her sisters. I’m kind of surprised they never had kids, but hey, not everyone wants them. She also has a good-paying job as a nursing assistant. Not something most would want to throw away when you’re still young and have time to press the ‘pause’ button of your life for 18 years to go raise kids. It’s her life, though. Anyway, she wants Sarah to be her bridesmaid.

I hope it works out for them, but I have had Lisa’s account blocked for some time now. Lisa was VERY rude to me and not just rude, but downright crazy. Molly kind of crazy. I don’t want or need that in my life. People can change, but I don’t know that she has because I’m not in touch with her. I know she has NO self-respect whatsoever cuz she kept in touch with Bill, the man who abused her, long after she was obligated to in any way, and that pretty much tells me something about her right there. Once you become old enough to know right from wrong, that only leaves one horrible probability and that’s that you actually like or get off somehow on having negative people in your life. Lisa would really have to earn her way back into my life and that’s going to take some time. Let’s just see what happens with her immediate family first.

Later…

I get so damn sick of forgetting where I last left my glasses and having to hunt them down that I wish I could say, “I’m NOT going to give into my shitty vision anymore! I’m going to quit being so dependent on glasses, conquer my blurriness and learn to focus on my own.” But it doesn’t quite work that way. :( Sure wish it did, though, at least with some things.

Just a few hours before the banging and the buzzing of LV begins. I’m sleeping much better overall regardless of schedule, but still have yet not to find myself annoyed, or at least distracted, by cars and landscapers. The bumps and bangs of the car doors are too much like cabinets and doors going bump in apartments.

Meanwhile, I dyed my hair, which is now brown to about where my ears are. The rest is brown-black. I thought the gray roots would blend better with brown vs. black, so that’s why I lightened it a bit.

I’m going to take better shots of my face for a few people this morning. Not even makeup hides that never-ending redness I have, but according to my research, it’s probably rosacea, which is common in middle-aged fair-skinned women. There’s not much you can do about it, but as far as I know, it poses no health threat. Our insurance deductibles roll over in November. When I make an appointment with my primary care doctor in regards to seeing an ear specialist, I’ll ask them about it. I just hope I don’t have any issues with my heart, diabetes or thyroid. I don’t think so, though. Ok, so I’m big, but I’m not that big.

Speaking of my ear, we think it’s been worse because it’s been so damn dry. Not only that but having central AC dries out the air, too. The cooler we had in the trailer put some moisture in the air. But the fucking thing that never should’ve been messed with not just in Phoenix but in Boston as well, can’t shed dead skin on its own and the canal needs regular drops of baby oil to keep things soft and the pressure down.

We have a little more in the way of clouds and wind, but otherwise it’s all low-80s and sunshine for us all week long here. I sometimes hear the new wind chime I got by the master bedroom at night. It’s a wooden one. I had a wooden one for 7-8 years that broke during our final months with Jesse, so now I have a new one.

Saw the couple that’s been staying next door. Yeah, staying there. When Tom said Virginia said their son would stop by, I didn’t know that meant they’d move in and live there, but they’ve been quiet. I just thought he’d be a bit younger. They both looked to be in their 50s or 60s. The woman’s hair was 100% silvery white.

They were doing something out front on Saturday. I worried for a minute that it would be a noisy, all-day landscaping project, but they were gone as quickly as they appeared. They keep a similar schedule but have different habits. They keep the garage door shut when they’re home and often have the garage light on. You know you’re not in the country anymore when you can see its light softly shining in the bathroom.

Figured out what I want to do for each room. It’s just a matter of time and money. If we do too much too fast it could really drain our savings.

As I told my sister, that’s not wallpaper in our kitchen. That’s the design on the actual wallboard itself. We had this in our Maricopa house, too. A blue floral design I chose for the kitchen and baths (my only other choice was boring).

I’ll probably leave the cabinets and counters as they are. They’re in good condition and aren’t an ugly color. But I’m getting kind of sick of the wall design, so I might eventually paint the walls a deep turquoise blue. I think sunny yellow would contrast with the maple in a way that would clash. If the cabinets were white, then yellow would look great. Turquoise will be a nice deep, rich shade like the maple is, but in a way that contrasts nicely. At least in my opinion anyway, LOL.

The kitchen and baths all have different wall designs and I will probably keep the designs in the baths as they are. What I don’t get is why they didn’t do the entire rooms. The back walls of the baths are a solid color, so I’ll probably just throw a fresh coat of paint over that.

The new carpet will probably be crème colored, the only neutral color I can really stand. Right now there is too much brown in here. Crème will really brighten the place up. Carpet and paint are our top priorities and we hope to have this done by the summer. We will hire someone to do the carpet and re-floor the kitchen, laundry and second bath, but will do the walls ourselves.

The final touches will be new drapes. The only rooms to get new drapes/curtains are the master bedroom, kitchen and laundry area so far. The kitchen walls will probably be done last. Its floor is in horrible condition and we can’t wait to replace it! The laundry/second bath floor is in ok condition but is so ugly it makes me want to cry. Too orangy. How could anyone choose such hideous colors? Never cared for gray, gold, orange, olive, brown, navy, maroon, dark green and shades like that. Dull and depressing.

The master bed is going in mint green to contrast with the raspberry curtains. The second bed is going to be pale pink flowers on lavender. I’m getting a pattered paintbrush to do this with. It’ll look like wallpaper. The reason I decided to pattern that room is cuz that room is mostly used as Tom’s office and he doesn’t decorate the walls in there. It would look funny having my butterfly decals on a patterned wall, wouldn’t it? The rest of the place will probably have off-white walls. The only area they left the original brown paneling in is the laundry room. Not gonna paint things like the built-in bookcase or the hutch.

Our front door is just a plain brown door, but that’s ok. Prettying that up is not nearly the priority that the carpet and walls are. We also want to get a second car in the spring, so we’ve got our money tied up for quite a while.