I must be back with the Jes pest now seeing that I haven’t been able to get online for about a half-hour now. This is the first time in weeks that it’s gone out on me. Oh well, everybody’s Internet connection goes out at times. At least it’s not several times a day like it used to be.

Poor Andy. It’s like he’s being punished for the new washer and dryer he got a while back. First the thing leaks and causes water damage, then the painter does a slop job, and now the painter’s apparently gone and broken his bathroom door!

My next two choices as far as doctors go were an older white woman with a three-star rating and a Hispanic woman with a four-star rating. I chose the latter.

One more day till NaNo starts. I’ll be looking forward to doing that with Alison. I need to start making preparations today. I’ve got the basic plot figured out and now I have to really start developing my characters and mapping out what’s going to happen in what chapter. I probably won’t have the story take place in any particular location.

Upon going through some of my old journal entries as I post them onto various sites, I realize what a young, dumb and naïve idiot I really could be at times in my younger days, but I suppose a lot of us look back when we’re older and say the same thing. What I thought was cute, humorous and creative back then only seems so immature and downright stupid to me now. Some of it does anyway.

I also feel like an idiot for assuming that my prayers were answered once upon a time back in the 90s when I wanted so badly to believe, like so many others, that something up there actually cared about me and would listen to me. All I had to do was ask, right? And He would give. Well, I quickly realized I was talking to the wall, and I feel stupid as hell for falling for that one for a while and letting much of society’s beliefs brainwash me. Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re one of those who can actually pray for something you want and get it, more power to you. But when I look back on some of the things I asked for, I realize they really were easy prayers. Things I would’ve gotten anyway. If I asked for a million bucks and got it, that would be one thing, but really, I was asking for such simple everyday things that would’ve happened anyway.

Even the more complex prayers never panned out to anything, and I can honestly say that there has never been anything to suggest that prayer works. At least not when it comes to me. I wonder, though; is it just a case of nothing up there caring to listen to me in particular? Or do people overestimate the power of prayer and ask for things they would’ve gotten anyway? My guess is the latter. People seem to want so badly to have faith in this invisible entity that they seem to associate God with things He doesn’t appear to be at all connected to as far as I can see. I actually took offense when someone once asked me if I thank God for our new house. But God had/has nothing to do with our house! My husband’s hard work and money, along with my inheritance, is what got us this house. No God reached down, picked us up, plopped us down inside of it, and said the bill’s on Him. Tom pays for it. I clean it. Period.

Later…

Less than 24 hours and October, which is chock full of bad memories for me (plus 2 good ones), is history! At this very moment 13 years ago, I lay on a cold, hard, creaky bunk bed in Estrella Jail’s Tent City. Inside the army tent known as the “welfare tent,” because I was newly admitted and had yet to be assigned a job, I lay there depressed and angry as hell. I was also stunned out of my mind to think that words on paper could cost me so much money and half a year of my life. Of course I was still stuck on stupid or naïve or whatever you want to call it, thinking I was there for the journals I actually did send and not the letter I didn’t. I wasn’t yet aware of the fact that the pig in my case was a personal friend (or more) of the black bitch that spearheaded the legal revenge against me for the city complaint.

And so there I lay, branded a racist, which I would forcefully become, thanks to their BEHAVIOR and not their color. I’m still ok with certain individuals, but as a whole, I have no sympathy for blacks any more than I do Muslims. Blacks may not be as deadly as Muslims, but they are just as destructive. Instead of ruining people’s lives by the masses, they ruin individual lives.

13 years later in my new home in California, I sit unashamed of my feelings, which are not only based on my own personal experience, but on the experiences of others as well. Reverse discrimination is real, folks, only most people don’t want to see it. The more we keep giving them breaks – in the courts, in the job market – the more they will take advantage of us. People do what works. If we let the race card work for them, they will continue to play it and fuck over innocent people. Sure, there are always going to be some people that hate blacks simply for their color and that will unjustly fuck them over, just like there will always be those that hate gays, no matter how much more accepted gays may become in society, but most people nowadays don’t hate blacks at all. They’re the ones hating on us, but just like we wouldn’t admit it decades ago when we really did hate them, they’re not going to admit that they hate us now. Well, as one of the few who sees them for the greedy, selfish and sometimes hateful opportunists that they’ve become, I make no apologies for how I feel towards them or Muslims. I am proud to be a hater of haters!

Unlike the Muslim terrorists, I don’t want to go out and harm blacks. I don’t want to “recruit” others to dislike the people they’ve become either. I’m just a person who’s not afraid to speak her mind. You can beat me over the head all you want with yesterday’s tales of slavery, and while those were horrible times, they’ve got NOTHING to do with today. There’s NO excuse for this race card bullshit to keep going on and on and on!

Later…

We have now been here for 3 months and 3 weeks.

Right after I wrote that I chose the Hispanic doctor as my second choice, Tom tells me she too, isn’t taking new patients. sighs with frustration Since when did making a doctor’s appointment get so complicated? I just want a checkup and a lousy referral. With the exception of the dentist and a couple of specialists along the way, I haven’t had a checkup or any type of female exam since the 90s. If pick #3 turns out to be all booked up I’m going to really begin to think something up there is trying to tell me something. Like maybe to see if I can skip the GP Doc and go straight for the ear doc. We probably don’t even need a referral. Some specialists you can just go right to without going through a GP.

I’m excited about NaNoWriMo, which is starting at midnight. I should be getting up right about that time but probably a few hours before that. I created a file for my next story and jotted down some notes.

Not much left to do today. I slept forever yesterday and my schedule made a 4-hour jump instead of the usual 1 or 2, so I’m up later than I’d like to be. I’d still be on days all the time if I could, but since I can’t be, I prefer to be on nights for the peace and quiet. It’s after 9am now and it’s still quiet here, but I’m sure the daily buzz will be on any time now. I’m surprised the loud traffic hasn’t begun yet, though.

Maybe I’ll watch a movie or maybe I’ll use my dictation buddy to stock-pile some more questions on Andy’s Ask account so he can have fun with that when I’m not around. He’s going to need them when I’m in Hawaii if he’s not going to invite others to help fill in for me when I’m over there.

I’m beginning to think Andy’s new washer came with a hex on it. Ever since he got it, he’s had nothing but trouble. I didn’t know this, but apparently the last dumb cock went through his stuff before he threw his shit out and fired him.