While Dr. G is a nice lady, she and her staff really are one inconsistent bunch. I recently messaged her to let her know that I finished the 3-month recommended time of twice-weekly steroid treatments for my dermatitis, and asked if I should resume treatment if the problem flares up again. Not only does she re-recommend surgery, saying that irregular bleeding is a common sign of uterine cancer (yeah, it’s also a sign of perifuckingmenopause when you’re 51 years old), but also says I should be doing the twice-weekly maintenance for a period of 6 months. Being told one thing and then another gets old, but it won’t kill me to do another few months as I can tell the problem is much better but not completely gone.

Want to get more followers on Twitter? Just go private. Seriously, I rarely get followers on my public account, but everyone wants to follow my private ones. I may make exceptions for the health one, but the private one is strictly that… Private. :-)

Got a cute floral backpack to take my coloring books and colored pencils to the clubhouse. It might not be here for a couple of weeks, though.

Still waiting to find out what they’re going to do with the roads. I just wish they would hurry the fuck up and get it over with before I start sleeping later.

Irene’s friend Elisabeth is getting a bit weird on me. She’s liking all the groups that I like on Facebook and she managed to find me on Twitter and she’s following me there as well. She said she looked up my handle, but how the hell did she know what to look for?

Also, was Andy my Boca Raton visitor the other day on Blogger? Looking at his Facebook account through Tom’s, it really looks like he got a regular house by a lake. So I looked up his business and there is a janitorial service with his name that happens to be in Boca Raton. Then I followed the address listed and it goes to a house that’s also by a lake, but as I’m learning, there are so many lakes there that this is common. The only thing is that the picture on Facebook shows houses opposite the lake from his place. This place didn’t have any houses on the other side of the lake. It also seems like something I would never think he could afford. It’s not a manufactured home. If he could afford a place like this, I would think he would be able to afford not to work. Then again, he is a bit young to retire. Still, if that’s his place, how the hell does he afford it??? Also, Florida doesn’t have universal healthcare, it’s the last state that ever would, and I don’t see how he could afford to buy himself insurance.

Never did hear from Randy. It could be that he’s just been busy, but I have a feeling I’m not going to hear from him. I once gave him an email address in case we decided to sell our truck. He could’ve kept that and sent me a message at some point or looked me up on Facebook, but he never did. So I don’t expect to hear from him, though it’s no biggie. Like I said, I’d rather be the sought than the seeker for a change, and someone I barely know in Austria doesn’t count.

This is day two of not taking my thyroid medication, and I still feel great. Just having a little burning down there, but it seems I’m destined to suffer in some way shape or form no matter what. It’s just a matter of choosing the better suffering. Still can’t help but wonder… Is there really a God that picks and chooses what we’re dealt in life? Did He deliberately give me a disease in which He knew I was intolerant to its treatment? Either way, He’s not about to kill me with uterine cancer. He couldn’t continue to torture me with some shit or another if He did that. Besides, if I had uterine cancer as long as I’ve had irregular bleeding, it would’ve killed me already.

Anyway, I’m likely going to go the rest of the year without thyroid meds, though I’m keeping that out of public for now because I don’t want people nagging me. I need to stop this 3-year reign of madness that I’m virtually 100% sure is caused by the medication. I’ve temporarily stopped the Amberen, too. If by some freak chance, any anxiety was from the peri, I want to know it, so I don’t want to be masking any possible peri symptoms. If I suddenly had anxiety OFF the thyroid meds, I’m not sure if I would be glad or horrified. It might be a good thing because then that would make me think it might be the peri, which wouldn’t last forever as my dead thyroid will, but nobody suffers this bad from peri, and I didn’t just up and go crazy one day. It’s a no-brainer. I know it’s the meds.

I’m not looking forward to the hypo symptoms returning, but again, if I must have some shit going on with me at all times, then I choose hypo symptoms over anxiety. But yeah, I’m sure I’ll gain weight, lose hair, piss all the time, get heartburn, get a hoarse voice, and probably some lightheadedness and fatigue as well as many other things like brain fog. There’s simply no alternative to this medication, yet I can’t live with such horrible, horrible anxiety. I’m not sure which was worse; the scary moments in which my heart would race that didn’t last as long, or the all-day feeling of general unease and even fear that would gnaw at me hour after fucking hour, turning my thoughts darker than dark. I’ll reevaluate depending on how I feel later on down the road. Meanwhile, people have gone decades with this disease without serious problems. If it was going to kill me it would take many years to do it.

Sure enough, I had all kinds of TSH-related dreams last night. In one of them, a female DJ was asking people if they ever had an abnormal TSH over the radio as if they would all know what that was like it was a common everyday term or something. I was telling her that my highest score was 34.

I also dreamed that I was lying outdoors face down on a mattress sun tanning. I only wore a pair of panties. The mattress was situated in front of a house I assume I lived in and in the back of another one that Jesse owned. Jesse pulled up and got out of a truck with some guy and started doing something at the side of his house. I asked them about it, making sure to only raise my head since I was nude. He gave some answer, and then I slowly shimmied around to face the other direction, careful not to expose my chest.