Went walking for 15 minutes. Wasn’t the greatest walk either because it was too warm and the air was dead still. There wasn’t the slightest hint of a breeze.

Saw that skunk again on the retaining wall behind the fence, and again it followed me.

Emotionally, I felt more anxious and depressed yesterday and my HR was elevated for a while, but today I haven’t had a racing heart. I’m not too bad but I’m not great either. Really worried it’s just the “older side” of me just like being heavy is a thing of being older, and that nothing I do will ever resolve this. I’m so fed up that I’m even contemplating quitting my meds altogether depending on what Dr. O says. I’d rather be hypo than emotionally off. Perimenopause or not, this problem didn’t exist before I started the poison.

Tom thinks that my hormones fluctuate more than I realize and that they just happened to test me on a day that the numbers were down and that it won’t be until I pass the one-year mark of my last period before I start to feel better. I wish I could believe this, but this late in the game I’m losing hope. I think it’s connected to the medication, as always. It may be too late for me to get rid of it by stopping the medication but I will definitely consider trying if Dr. O can’t help me.

I’ve been tired the last couple of days and I’m not sure why. Could be the medication skips or maybe the Melatonin I took the last couple of nights before bed. I ended up going down for a short nap earlier.

Overall I’ve been sleeping surprisingly well despite being tired. The earbuds are definitely saving my ass, though I haven’t been hearing the loud car lately. Could be coming in early in the morning while I’m sleeping. I don’t know. Until I’m staying up into the early morning, I won’t know. I didn’t get up until later in the afternoon today so all I’ve heard are some semi-loud vehicles. Right now it’s just the fucking planes. I’m sure I’ll also hear faint traces of that TV blasting when in the living room.

Tomorrow I will finally get my perfume after it was routed to the wrong PO. So I have that to look forward to plus we ordered some stuff from Prime Pantry. Tom is trying a new diet he devised starting tomorrow where he goes by a strict menu. He used the bins that he used to load groceries into when we would go pick up groceries at Walmart that the employees would pick for us. So it’s sort of like one giant pillbox only each one contains the food he plans to eat for that day. So he has a week’s worth of boxes in the dining area.

I forgot to mention that Lana is actually a pretty girl and she’s quite feminine. Don’t like the blue hair and she would definitely not be my type relationship-wise because she’s too flaky and impulsive from what little I can tell. She’s also not into commitment and I’m not sure how stable she is. Right away, however, I realized that she would have hated me had we met in a club 30 years ago because I’m so feminine. I can totally see where she would want to sleep with someone like Aly who is far from butch but has short hair and definitely isn’t quite as feminine as I am.

I hesitate to get too close to anyone Aly is associated with because I know how fond she is of unstable people. She is definitely as drawn to them as some women are drawn to abusive men. Although it’s easier to block cyberbullies nowadays, the last thing I want to do is be chased and stalked online by yet another nutjob of Aly’s.

It was interesting to hear that Kim went to Yankee Candle Company and the Cracker Barrel that was next to it for her birthday. That’s within walking distance of where I used to live in South Deerfield! Mom took me there when she came to visit.

I had some very long detailed dreams last night after several dreamless nights. First, I was about to have ear surgery on the bad ear, though I didn’t know what they were going to do. I had a little round wire inserted in the opening of the ear. The doctor told me not to worry if it fell out. It was the weekend and close enough to surgery which I guess I was having Monday morning, so I pulled the wire out and threw it in the recycle bin because it was uncomfortable.

Then I was hanging out with a younger woman with long blonde hair. She hugged me at one point and said, “I just think you complain too much.”

While she was talking to a couple of guys in another room, I suggested we get together for a beauty night where we pamper each other with massages and do our hair and nails and all that stuff.

Then I was in our kitchen which looked nothing like our kitchen and noticed the sink was spraying water in a funny way and Tom was using a dish strainer for something weird as well as washing bags of treats in the dishwasher.

Next, I was walking down Tandy at night which is a curvy road. For some reason, I was pushing the trash and recycle bins and they were on wheels that allowed them to run quite a ways over the road if I push them hard enough. One of them shot out quite a ways after I shoved it a little too hard and I worried that a car would come around the corner and hit it before I could run ahead and grab it but it didn’t.

Then the bins disappeared and I heard birds chirping which told me it was later than I realized. Then a second later it was hot and sunny out and there were people out and about. I was so warm that I took off my white button-down blouse which I had a halter on underneath. I draped the shirt over my head to protect me from the sun. I saw some women with children and thought it was weird that the kids were wearing winter coats.

Then I was in some car with three or four women, thinking they were driving me home when they really drove me out of the park and to this building. The building was mostly empty but they were having some kind of meeting in a small windowless room with other women. So about a dozen people in all.

I realized I left my shoes and purse in the car and then I turned and asked the others if they had a phone so I could call Tom to come and get me because I didn’t have mine on me.

No one said a word.

So I left the room and soon ran into a few younger people and asked if they had a phone I could use to make a local call to have my husband come and pick me up. But then I got frustrated because I realized I didn’t have his number memorized. So then I had to hope I could find my way back through the maze of corridors to the meeting room and wait until I could be driven back home.