Doing some diet and medication experiments and the results are as expected but not what I hoped for. Yesterday I took my meds and had anxiety. Today I skipped and have no anxiety. There’s absolutely no doubt that my main problem is the medication. I just wish getting it to stop making me anxious was as easy as bringing my blood pressure down! All I have to do is cut back the sodium, and I have, and the systolic number goes back down. So sodium and cholesterol must be avoided as much as possible.

Going to take my meds tomorrow and if I have any anxiety I’ll probably quit until I see my endo. She’s got to either switch me or lower my dose. Something’s got to be done. Something. The thought of having to choose between taking a medication my body needs and feeling horribly anxious versus not taking it and suffering the consequences, which could eventually be deadly, makes me want to beat my head on the wall. I would probably choose the latter. Until they do kill me, the hypo symptoms are annoying while the anxiety is scary. I always believed, though, that my anxiety was too extreme to be mostly due to diet and hormones. I’ve always known it was mostly the medication. I can see getting heartburn and lactose intolerant with age and even the high blood pressure from the sodium but not the extreme anxiety. So unless there’s something else wrong with me we don’t know about, I say the anxiety is on the meds.

I read that potatoes aren’t good if you have LS as it can aggravate it. Well, two days ago I had potatoes and noticed later on that I began to have more irritation. I also had some yesterday and I still have more irritation than usual. I’m not having any today. I’m hoping it’s just a case of me not applying enough ointment to the area because I’m always paranoid when it comes to drugs, even topical ones. We’ll see if it gets better and then worse again after I have potatoes again at some point.

Meanwhile, it seems like almost everything is bad for me somehow. Too much sugar, too much cholesterol, too much sodium, too much something. But I’m still leaning towards the meds as much as I would love to believe it’s still my hormones settling in despite going nearly 10 months without a period.

Just when I was thinking how wonderful I feel today, I’m getting hit with neck knockers again and my BP is climbing too. Read it could be heart valve issues. Great, just great. I try to remind myself I gotta die someday anyway. The sooner I go the sooner I get out of life’s drama… And hopefully not speeding my way into something worse if there’s an afterlife.

Anyway, I found Marie’s latest account which was in the ‘people you may know’ section. When people go through multiple accounts in bogus names it’s usually because they’re doing something wrong, running from something, or trying to hide from someone. I began to suspect that she was a lot sicker than I realized and was quite delusional and paranoid. Sure enough, when I explained to her why I hesitate to keep adding people because I never know who they really are, not to mention how annoying it is, she said that running from herself wasn’t doing her any good. Well, good then. Now maybe she’ll stick with one account in her real name or at least just one account. I made her tell me her nickname I could verify that it was indeed her and not some hacker, impersonator or someone that cloned her account, as is something to be concerned with when people change accounts like we change underwear.

Yesterday I was so pissed off because again I had to listen to roadwork going on. I’m only grateful that I was on days at the time and that I knew Spanish because I got more information when speaking Spanish with one of the workers. Comcast fucked up by cutting into conduit so I had a deal with listening to them correct their mistake as they cut up sections around the house. Then I started worrying all over again that a separate company would return to pave in what they cut up and risk fucking up my schedule but they already paved in what they had cut. Tom said they were just finishing up when he got home right before 4, and I had crashed right before 3. The earbuds are a definite lifesaver but I can still feel the vibration of loud and heavy equipment if it’s close enough to the house.

I worry that the next road project is going to be resurfacing the entire roads around us because they’re pretty ugly-looking with all the “patches.”

The guy said today would be the last day working by the house. Why the fuck couldn’t dentist day be yesterday or today? Again, quite a coincidence that there’s never anything going on while we’re gone.

I know I’ve said it a thousand times but I am just SO sick of all the fucking noise I have to deal with almost every single fucking day here! Projects, landscaping, planes, loud traffic, water outages…the list goes on. This is by far the noisiest place I’ve ever lived.

I filled in Carolyn with what was going on along the way, too.

I told Tom after they wrapped up the last round of roadwork that we won’t even make it a month before they’re tearing up the roads again. I’m sure we won’t make it to Halloween before there’s some insanely loud project going on again, in or out of the street.

Definitely seems to be a mistake to have gotten that Green Green because a few of my bamboos are dying. It sucks even though I have so many and can always get more. Going to try Super Green next. If that backfires, I’ll go back to Miracle-Gro.

There was a 10-year-old girl in my dreams last night and even though it was never stated that she was my niece, I knew for a fact that she was. I can remember what the girl looked like very clearly with her long straight blond hair and very light eyes, and I can tell you she looked absolutely nothing like my real-life nieces. Also, blonde hair does not run in my family. These are the types of dreams that definitely make me wonder if I could be glimpsing into another family in another dimension and time. My “niece’s” mother, who seemed to be my SIL, was in the dream and I didn’t seem to like her very much for some reason. She didn’t seem too happy with me either. I really wanted my niece to spend time with me but she was going to camp instead.

There was also something about Kathleen but I’m not sure what because it only lasted a second. She said something and I smiled.

Then I was in a store inspecting a doll that was wearing blue and might have had blue hair too, that I’d seen before and contemplated getting. Deciding not to, I then went through some clothing.

Then Tom and I were sitting on a couch watching TV when I glanced toward the left at a black rabbit that was sitting on some piece of furniture. I asked Tom how old the rabbit was now and he tried to figure it out. I told him I would look it up in my journal.

Then there was this dream with a very detailed house Tom and I lived in that I could practically draw a floor plan of, and again, it makes me wonder about parallel lives. The house was similar in size to this one but maybe a touch smaller. Tom had set out three or four lamps before work that I was going to set up for something. The lamps were pretty stylish too. Before I had a chance to set them up I went out the back door, which was off the kitchen and was gone for a while. When I came back through the same door, I immediately knew that someone had broken in and stolen the lamps. I also knew that the front door had problems with locking and that sometimes the lock didn’t catch. First I quickly went down the hall and checked the bedrooms to see if the intruder was still there. Then I went to the front door and was able to open it easily, knowing that that was how they got in.