“They’ll never notice.”

Wrong again! Eileen noticed as well. She sent me a message wishing me a happy belated birthday and saying she was sorry she hasn’t been more communicative with me as over the last two years when a lot has happened to her to cause her to turn inward and focus on herself. I can relate to turning inward and have become less active on social media, preferring to mostly write anonymously or for those I’m closest to. That way I feel I can be more open and I’m not likely to get any advice I might be dumb enough to take.

Also, Eileen’s mother died last year. She lived with her for 24 years and Eileen was her primary caretaker. Damn! That’s a long time. Add that to her years as a kid and that’s like two-thirds of her life with her mother, a mother she actually got along with.

So I apologized profusely for deleting her and getting the wrong idea. I really thought she was just sick of me but didn’t have the heart to say so. She said she thinks of me every time she burns my wonderful incense, LOL.

I’m just now starting to feel better and I really hope it stays that way too, and that I don’t relapse! Tom still thinks it’s a cold and this one just didn’t happen to have congestion, coughing or sneezing. I could sort of feel some allergies draining in the back of my throat, though.

I did more research on both the ACV shots and Tacrolimus ointment and they both say they can cause my symptoms. The ACV shots can deplete you of iodine, and I wasn’t measuring the one to two tablespoons you’re supposed to have either, I’ll admit. I would just open a 33-oz. bottle of flavored sparkling water at the beginning of my day and pour some in. So I could have been overdoing it. Since I don’t have labs anytime soon, I’ve stopped the shots for now.

Tom doesn’t think it’s the Tacrolimus making me sick because of how long I’ve been on it and because those symptoms are usually within the first few days. I started off really out of it and dizzy today but I am getting better so I’m not sure whether or not I’m going to take a break from the Tacrolimus or not. I use such a teeny tiny amount anyway that it does seem kind of odd that it would do that all of a sudden whereas the burning from the steroids after a while made more sense. I just miss the days when I knew what I had or at least didn’t care. Trauma changes everything.

So glad it’s almost the weekend! Looking forward to getting out of here even if it’s just to go to stores. It will sort of be like a three-day weekend for us since I have two appointments on Monday.

For the end of my day yesterday the neck knockers came knocking but just when I thought they were going to wake me up, they backed off. Still not exactly sure what causes this but I do intend to bring it up to the doctor.

Ended up falling asleep around 3 p.m. and woke up at 6 to pee. Then I woke up for a second at 9 and 10 and got up at midnight. This is pretty normal for me. Most people my age don’t sleep straight through, anyway. As long as I’m in a deep enough sleep and I can fall back asleep right away when I do wake up, I’m usually okay.

I’m using my second Twitter account to keep track of my health. I made it public since it’s nothing that has to be kept secret, but I’m not going to follow anyone who follows me.

On the way to work this morning, Tom found the car leaking water like crazy so he added more water and was able to get to work okay. Really hope it holds up while we’re still in the state because we don’t really plan on getting a new car until we move. This time around we’re probably going to ship our belongings in containers through a shipment company to a storage place until we get settled wherever we’re going to end up. Initially, we’ll probably have to start off in hotels and then renting apartments or condos. Sure wish I had these sleeping earbuds when we were last in hotels when we came to this damn state 12 years ago!

I put my winter rose blanket on now that I’m not so hot flashy. If I don’t like it, I’ll switch back to the blanket and quilt combo.

Managed to get more done than expected this morning. I changed sheets, did laundry, did a few exercises and cooked some chicken wings.

The bulk trash people didn’t come till a little while ago but someone took the bike yesterday. We were kind of surprised since it’s just a cheap old Walmart bike he got in 2005 and the tires were rotted. It was sad for Tom in a way because he loved that bike and loved riding to and from work back up in Oregon. Shasta Way got him in really good shape. I don’t miss the Arctic climate but I miss some aspects of our lives up there as well. Not in the duplex but in the house, of course. Life wasn’t perfect. There was some barking and a shitload of loud car stereos but I still didn’t need glasses, I was healthy, and except for TMJ I didn’t know was TMJ, we did have some fun moments in Klamath Falls. Even watching Tinkerbell’s old cage go was a bit sad, even if we wanted to get rid of the old rusty thing.

Speaking of places we’ve lived in the past, we were back in Jesse’s trailer in my dreams last night even if things were different. The trailer pretty much looked the same but I was 37 years old and getting rid of an old nightgown I’d had since my twenties.

I walked out of the bedroom and through the living room where Tom was softly snoring on the futon. I went into the kitchen and instead of looking through the end window at just grassy hills with scattered trees, a group of young people in their early twenties were heading for a night out. We said hello to each other through the open window.

I seemed to be happy to be back there even though I knew it was just temporary and was surprised that Jesse even took us back after the less-than-kind letter I sent him shortly after we moved out over 5 years ago. I reminded myself that things had changed, even there, as I gazed up at a large sign on the summit that wouldn’t really be there in reality, of course, because it was all private property. Yet I found myself wishing we could stay somehow.

Then off in the distance, I heard a woman shout for help. Tom woke up from his nap a few minutes later and I told him about the screaming. He reminded me that things were different now.

“So you really think it was a woman screaming for help?” I asked him, and he nodded.

It was still quieter overall and I’d only heard two planes throughout the night. But I knew we couldn’t stay and eventually, we had to move on.