The Caddy is officially on death row. He runs it once a week in case we need it as a backup and said it barely ran the last time because it was so low on water. But Candy is doing great so Caddy and its busted radiator and failing transmission will be off to the junkyard in June. I would think the junkyard will have a field day picking apart this one. A Cadillac Seville? Goldmine!

The world does nothing but a bitch about climate change and all the things we’re doing to increase pollution and I don’t understand for the life of me why they won’t do something about it and make everything electric. Okay, so we don’t have to go and snatch everybody’s gas car away from them, but stop selling them for God’s sake! There really is no need for them anymore.

Checked in on Ask.

“When are you going to do it?”

The fuck is that supposed to mean??? shrugs Maybe I’ll answer with chapter 3 later on. Or at least what will fit into their character limits.

Although a cramp in my foot, a full bladder, as well as strange dreams I can no longer remember have woken me up a few times, I’m amazed to say that so far this week, traffic hasn’t woken me up. Could be a problem on Friday, though, unless I can use the buds comfortably enough.

Definitely fatigued yesterday, so unless I slept worse than I realize (not having that loud car around makes a huge difference… Until it returns and I have to put another spell on it), it could be the medication skips. Or the fact that I only slept 6 hours.

Had a “cold” spell and very faint traces of anxiety yesterday, but sure enough, as soon as I start 50s today, it’s increased. Still gonna stick it out a while and see how I do. This should tell me in the end of it’s the dose or the meds. Just don’t know why I didn’t have anxiety the first 3.5 months on this shit when I was on the 50s. Guess it goes to show that other factors really are influencing the anxiety as well.

I’m just so tired of this shit. Just so, SO fucking tired of this shit and I can really see myself ending it all at the end of the year if it doesn’t back off when I’m postmenopausal. There are only so many more years of this shit I can take. It’s wearing me down and totally getting in the way of life and my general sense of well-being. I could still quit the meds and get that out of the equation if it is a factor or at least influencing other factors, but first I want to see if I can stick the 50s out a while. I’m just sick of trying to figure this out and how no one seems to be able to help me either. Clearly, if there is anything up there it doesn’t give a shit how I feel or what happens to me.

If hormones don’t settle in or the doctors can’t end this shit this year, I will. That’s my promise to myself no matter who it may hurt in the end that I leave behind. Sometimes we all gotta think of ourselves first and foremost. I promise myself… somehow the anxiety really will be over this year. I just hope I don’t have to kill myself to end it. However, I just don’t see this eventually going away on its own as Tom does. I wish I could believe he was right but each year that I have it, even though I’m not yet postmenopausal, my hopes fade.

This is too weird. In the crime documentary series I’m watching, there’s a detective with long brown hair and brown eyes named Michele M. Well, a character in my book that’s a detective with long brown hair and brown eyes is also named Michelle M but with two L’s.

I now have 1569 words done! And a beautiful metallic rainbow tumbler, too. Just wish it had more pink and purple rather than mostly blue and gold.

The Oak Leaf Merlot I got is corked. Could have sworn it looked like a twist top online. Will have to order a corkscrew then.

Aly and Cam are looking into the requirements for adopting a foster kid and I can’t help but wonder how the hell she’s going to be able to afford that when she’s in debt and makes little money. Cam would have to do most of the supporting. The question is what will happen to the kid when they break up. Also, if she thinks she doesn’t have much free time now, just wait. Still, I hope it works out for them if it’s what they want and that they don’t get too down if it doesn’t since life isn’t usually like a buffet. You can’t just go up and get what you want from it.

They’re to be renting a house for $930 and were told they’re just what the neighborhood was looking for, people with no little kids, who keep to themselves, and are both employed. She didn’t say how big the house was or how many bedrooms or how old it is.

Wish this place was looking for no loud vehicles, visiting or residing!

She doesn’t make much money so I’m guessing Cam’s house is all paid for in order for them to afford to rent and own (though they may rent Cam’s house). Wish we could have run off and rented something to escape the circus next to us in Phoenix!

It’s just so weird, though. I have never heard of a house or building with an unfixable mouse problem. Never.