I’ve now been anxiety-free for 2 weeks and 2 days. If I make it to May 6th, that’s entering the “critical” zone where the real testing begins. If I can beat May 20th, that’s really, really good. August will be the first real ray of hope albeit a faint one. That will double if I make it to September. October and we’re going out celebrating! It would be a double victory with menopause and breaking records with the anxiety.

And then I remind myself how this sounds way too good to be true. :( If there’s anything that doesn’t make sense about it being the dose it’s those months I had little to no anxiety. The brand could very well still be an issue, though. If it does turn out that it’s not the dose, then my chances went up that it is hormonal changes. But then so does the possibility of it being a permanent disorder I got hit with. Only time will tell! Wish I could snap my fingers and have it be October but I don’t want to skip summer either.

My heart’s been elevated a bit more and I don’t know if that’s because I’m low on thyroid or what.

It’s a good thing I took care of the fish by replacing his water completely, changing his filter, and scrubbing algae off the filter and heater, before I went on the quick bike ride I went on because it seemed to take a lot of energy out of me. Went down to the lake and back and then around the circle. I went so fast it’s hard to believe I wasn’t close to 25-30 MPH. Fortunately, there was no traffic. I just wish people wouldn’t park so damn close to the speed bumps.

Didn’t hear that loud car yesterday but I heard it come in for a few minutes after I got up and then I heard it leave.

It’s been very warm. Close to the 90s but it’s supposed to drop into the low 70s soon.

The planes have been quieter these last couple of nights. Heard one when I was returning from my bike ride but yesterday morning sucked. So much for hoping that since I couldn’t hear the freeway I wouldn’t hear them. Makes sense, though, since the planes are overhead. The freeway’s not.

I’m not going to put up with this shit for another half a decade. There’s got to be someone who will listen to me and as one complainant said, there’s got to be a better way. Yeah, like flying wherever they were flying before last September. This is just ridiculous. One article talked about 20 jets flying over between 5:45 to 7:30 and that sounds about right. That’s when they’re at their worst as well as late at night, although you do hear them in the daytime as well. Just not as much because sound travels better late at night and early in the morning.

There’s got to be someone willing to do something about it. But so far all I do is get ignored. I’ve filled out complaint forms, complained on Twitter, been given the runaround when I called the damn airport…yet no one responds in any way shape or form.

It really sucks when you’re this far inland because they can’t take off over the ocean like they usually do unless weather conditions forbid them to. But where were they going before last September?

All these people seem to care about is themselves. It’s like they’re going to do whatever they’re going to do and to hell with everyone else and those it may affect. They’ve obviously agreed to ignore anyone who complains since I’ve gone through 3 different channels trying to get help or at least some info just to be blown off. Still, there’s got to be something that can be done.

Last night I went out walking when it was around 71°. Was out there for a half-hour until shortly before 11. Skunks really like to hang out in back of the house across from the Twenties. I saw one sitting on the retaining wall.

The smell of jasmine is more present in the air. It’s gorgeous.

Had a dream I got a dentist closer to home. So close I walked there and waited in a fairly spacious waiting room. When I was called in, a young woman with long straight light brown hair was looking up something on the computer. It had to do with info I sent them before my first appointment. She asked me how I managed to organize it so well. I said something about building my own template.

Then I was sitting in the exam chair when I turned to look at a couple of women in the doorway questioning whether or not I needed x-rays. Then, as if I suddenly remembered I said, “Oh, yes. I did have x-rays recently because I remember Holly telling me they looked good.”

For the second time in less than a week, they fucking turned the water off, although briefly.

Remembered, found and blocked a PB account of Aly’s from 2013 when she didn’t exactly have the kindest of things to say about me, but also admitted she was a liar who needed changing. This was when I caught her lying about being friends with Molly. She was right in saying that while she shouldn’t have lied, it was her right to choose who she was friends with. In my mind, I was only warning her for her own good, but mistake to be friends with her or not, it was always her mistake to make.

But was I really as focused on being as negative as she said I was? Yeah, I guess I could be at times, but as Andy would probably say, I was only looking out for her. Or at least I thought I was.

Don’t remember emailing to ask if she’d dumped me if I wouldn’t hear from her for a week, but maybe I did…and didn’t realize this was offensive to her either, but as I’ve long since learned, Aly’s pretty sensitive. You just never can know what might offend her. Who’d have thought such an innocent word as “busy” could trigger her? But it does. So I try to aim to please while still being myself as well.

I’ve also long since learned that anyone can dump us at any time for any reason. I don’t know if she’ll dump me or if I’ll dump her or we’ll be friends forever. I know never to count on or assume anything either way and to just enjoy what time I have with those in my life. But if she or anyone else ever does exit my life again - that’s it. I will not question their decision nor will I try to get them back.

One of Aly’s nanny kids is an adopted Chinese girl named Linzee. Her parents are lesbians. She’s been kicked out of school for foul language but what do the parents do? They don’t fight it. Instead, they send her to another school.

And expect her not to repeat her behavior?

As I told Aly, kids are terrible these days and most of that is the parents’ fault since they don’t discipline them. Most of what these little shits do today was totally unheard of when I was a kid.

I Google myself every now and then just to see what comes up. I see one of the libelous articles I was mentioned in has been deleted. I’d like to think it was because it was false and misleading with its How Many More People Have to Die? title when no one in my case was killed, number one. And number two, I was never charged with a hate crime, which was what the article was about. I’m kind of surprised the courts didn’t call it that since nothing else they called it was correct. I never stalked anyone and it was never about hating them because of their color.

Anyway, I’d like to think that’s why it was removed but more than likely it was simply moved to another location. That’s okay. They can keep their bullshit online because mine is going to be out there right along with theirs someday. :)