Guess I haven’t been writing every day, but now I’ll do some catching up here.

When I got Kim’s letter a few days ago, I was laughing when she said that this new guy John, who she’s madly in love with, works at a private crisis center in Springfield. I asked her to ask him if he sees cactuses and palm trees outside his window, etc.

I was very shocked to get two letters from my mother in a month. As you can see, it was a nice and neutral letter, but boy does she seem pushy and desperate for some reason to be a part of our lives. I wonder why? Anyway, I asked for Tom’s advice on the matter and decided to take it. I’m sending a brief letter with no real details and then I probably won’t call them till Hanukkah. I also won’t write to them very often. Maybe I’ll send a letter every 3 months, so they’ll get 4 a year. I’ll just be damned if I’ll go through the same old shit with them as 30 years was more than enough. She says to let her know if we want some household items she’s accumulated.

Last Monday morning was great. Just when the feeling that he may never cum again hits its peak, he does. He got off big time.

The baby dreams are coming quite frequently. I don’t know if they mean anything and I really can’t remember them. Just a flash here and there. However, I have had dreams before, right before certain events happen. I had dreams of Arizona before finding out I was coming here. I had money dreams before I knew I was going to dance and now this. I still try not to get hopeful, though, just like I try not to be too negative. Yes, I’ve learned a big lesson as far as being so sure something can or can’t happen over the last 4 years, but it still seems like a baby would take a miracle. It’d take a major change of heart for God, the devil, or whatever, if anything’s really up there, to let us have a child.

I told Kim of my plan to send Bob those journal sheets, then disappear with no explanations. I told her why I was gonna disappear and why he wasn’t worth the explanation. Trust me, if I were to explain, he wouldn’t get it. Not for longer than a month anyway.

Kim says that she too, is getting really sick of this guy and his sexual talk about him and her. He’s really lost touch with what’s fantasy and what’s real. I also know she doesn’t want to have to deal with finding him on her doorstep should he get out of there, but I’m pretty sure he’ll die in there. My being gone from his life will hurt him and her being gone from his life will nearly kill him, but we feel no guilt. He’s never even tried to change his ways and therefore, he’s just not worth our bother.

Kim’s gonna wait till around Christmas, then send him a letter saying she’s moving to Florida but will contact him when she gets an apartment there. Really, though, she’ll never write to him again. This is what she says she’s gonna do, anyway, and to remind her. I’ll remind her to send her letter about a week before Christmas. It’ll be interesting to see what he writes to us about this, but Kim says she’s gonna mark his mail return to sender. That’s not even worth my bother. I’ll just check out what he has to say, which will be the same old shit, then laugh and dump the letter. Then, maybe once a year I’ll send him a wacky letter.

What else has been going on? Well, I see the kids on their monkey bars, but it doesn’t bother me. We wave to each other when we see each other, but after hearing the bass, it’s made the sound of kids much more tolerable. I’d like to think God’s done that to help prepare me for my own child, but that’s wishful thinking, till and if proven differently.

I’ve only heard their bass real loud once since I last bitched about them and that was last Saturday afternoon. I didn’t hear them last night or the night before. I’ve heard it a couple of times softly, but boy is there someone else around here with a killer car stereo! Even I couldn’t stand it if I played my music that loud. About two nights ago at 9:20, I heard it approaching, thought it was next door, but when I went to check, I could see a car going down the street and turning at the next crossroads. Next door has never played their music that loud and if they did, it’d be really damn hard to keep my promise to Tom. If they pulled in by the bedroom that loud when Tom was asleep, it’d probably wake him right up.

Later...

Just fed the pig and the birds and now I’m making myself some pizza. After I eat, I’ll go work on the journals on the computer and play some games. I should finish the vacuuming, too.

I’m almost done with a library book I’m reading about a mother possessed by her dead son. I’ve got one more library book here to check out. If I like it, I’ll renew it. If I don’t, I’ll pick up something else.